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Can I have your opinions please ladies?

My friend is struggling to concieve - been through 1 failed IVF and although always appears happy-go-lucky she confided that there are times when it's difficult. I cannot understand as haven't experienced it myself but have been there for her just to listen.

Since I (very tactfully) let her know I was pregnant she has cancelled dinners, been much slower to text back and it's now looking like she'll never even see me pregnant (which feels a bit odd).

I do understand but recently there is a part of me that feels it's a bit rubbish. I can (and do) talk about other things than being pregnant - one of my closest friends really doesn't like kids but we always meet up and talk non-baby chat :lol:

What do you think ladies - fair enough to avoid me for months? image


  • This is a difficult one for me as I have been in your friends shoes but have also sort of been on your end too.

    When we lost Cai everyone avoided us and I avoided them if they were pregnant. When we started TTC I avoided them even more. Not because I hated them but because I couldn't bare to see bumps everywhere. It was hard as I missed my friends.

    Its not so much about you avoiding talking about babies or pregnancy, its more that she may feel like she has to talk about it. No matter how many times you tell her she doesn't have to talk about it all she will still feel like she has too.

    There is nothing worse than wanting something so bad and not being able to have it but watching others get it.

    In time she will come round but please understand how hard it is for her. I can guarantee she doesn't mean to upset you and probably feels guilty too

  • Hi

    I completely understand your feelings hon.

    I think there should still be a part of your friend who is actually happy for you and that you haven't had to struggle to conceive and go what she has. However it sounds like the over-riding feeling must be envy and sadness for her right now.

    Its actually a shame for her too to miss out on a big change in your life as a result.

    Sadly she's the only one who can turn this around though. I don't know if you feel comfortable bringing it up but maybe if you text her to say its important to you that you see her during this time and before it all becomes nuts she might come round?

    It sounds as though she has let ttc become her whole purpose which is a real shame but so often happens when there are difficulties.

    I don't think you are wrong to feel the way you do and you're not cross with her - just sad for both of you even though you understand why. I hope she starts to see the bigger picture soon.

  • hi there

    congratulations on your pregnancy!

    this is a very difficult time for you both. We struggled to conceive the baby i am now pregnant with and had to have ivf and, try as you might not to, its almost impossible not to feel jealous and sad and angry that others are pregnant when you are is also impossible for it not to take over your life. Infertility is a grieving process and she is grieving for the child she cant have at the moment and may never have. Her dreams of motherhood are just dreams and she prob doesnt even feel like a complete woman.

    Keep inviting out and texting her because one day she may find the strength, and i am sure she is pleased for you but right now is unable to cope with your pregnancy. xxx
  • Hi, it isnt your fault that she's going through what she is. However, through experience of having a friend who lost a baby and has since had to have a hysterectomy, if she's avoiding you its probably becasue its brings up bad times and doesnt want to upset you. Just go with the flow and she'll get used to it and start socialising with you again. xxxx
  • I can't imagine what your friend must be feeling as I haven't been there but I would just make sure that your friend knows you are there for her if and when she needs you.

    like the others have said she probably can't cope with her feelings and this is making you both suffer.

    SB x
  • I can completely relate to your friend - we ttc for 18 months with DD and were in the process of being referred for IVF when I fell pregnant. It DOES take over your life I'm afraid and I know that I felt huge resentment (not saying it was justified!) for my friends who were pregnant and having babies. She will come around but I suspect a pregnant you is just too much for her at the moment - like the others say, just keep texting / calling etc and hopefully, when she's ready, she'll meet up. Infertility can really be all consuming I'm afraid x
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