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Returning to work upsetting me

I'm planning to take the whole year off work, so won't be due to return until 1st Sept, but I'm already worried about it. It's going so quickly and I really can't imagine leaving my little man. :cry: I've still not left him with anyone except hubby, and my mum for 2 hours once. I'm so protective I find it hard to trust anyone with him. I wish my parents lived closer as my mum is the one person I would trust! I know it's a bit silly, my MIL has had 2 children, and has even done a nursery nurse qual, but it still worries me leaving him with her!

I don't think work will let me go part time, and I have to go back for at least 3 months or I have to pay some mat money back, which I can't afford. Everytime I think about it I want to cry.

Just needed to let this out really!

xxx

Replies

  • I've never heard of anyone having to 'pay back' SMP because they decided not to return to work (unless it is specifically worded in your contract), the only stipulation is you provide written confirmation of your choice either way one month before the end of maternity leave. Again you are perfectly entitled to request family friendly working hours to which they should give proper consideration & their reasons for declining should be provided in writing within 28days of your initial request.



    You're not the only mum who struggles to leave their LO in the care of others, there are a great many of us around. Build it up slowly, visit friends/family & let them play with LO while you go prepare drinks/meals for a few mins, then move onto leaving LO there whilst you pop to the shops, each stage a little longer in time length until you reach the length of your working day. It'll help both you & LO build confidence in that LO is happy & safe whilst you're absent & that you are going to return to LO in time.



    I know this is easier for me to say because I didn't return to work & won't until Hannah starts nursery at around 3-4yrs old (largely owing to finances, my being home is cheaper than childcare) but I too have struggled to be away from my children & had to prepare leaving DD1 for when I gave birth to DD2 (it was scary leaving her with my parents not knowing how long I'd be before seeing her again but it had to happen & the 'build up' helped reassure that she would cope).



    Best wishes with whatever happens nearer the time. xx
  • G/C just to say, my baby was born in August and I too have huge problems leaving her with anyone!



    I have had a couple of hen dos & bridesmaid appts to keep so I have obviously left her with hubby (but I know he has had big problems putting her to bed etc) and I was so upset when hubby told me had left her at his mum's for 10mins while he went to McDonald's for his mum.



    I think the worst thing for me is that MIL is always pestering about babysitting, whereas everyone else seems to understand I'll ask them when I'm ready! MIL seems to think we should go out so she can babysit, but I feel we started a family so we could spend time as a family, we didn't go out much before so I don't know why we would now.



    Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. The idea of putting Matilda into nursery so I can go back to work fills me with dread and I think like Kazzie I've been looking at figures and it looks like it will be cheaper for me to stay home then to go to work and pay for childcare.



    With regard to your maternity pay, do you get a more than SMP? I think SMP usually runs the first 9 months so you could leave then without paying back (as you would have got that amount of money if you weren't employed at the time of birth - like me as I lost my job while pregnant). I think if you take the additional few months to make a year off then perhaps some of that might be repayable but you need to check the maternity conditions of your employment.



    Good luck making your decisions, all the best x
  • I got 12 weeks at 50% pay plus smp, and it's the 50% i'd have to pay back if i don't return for 3 months. Found out today though that i can get away with just going back part time for those 3 months. Got a flexible working form to fill in but need to decide what best hours would be for me.

    Nursery just isn't an option as far as i'm concerned. I think one year old is too young for a baby to be in nursery.

    Left him with my in laws today for 2 hours as me and hubby decided to go out for lunch for our anniversary, but we returned as he was eating, and i had to tell FIL to sop him eating as he'd had enough! Basically he's breastfed, so never sure how much expressed milk he needs, so when i leave him with hubby i leave a full 9oz bottle as i'd rather he have too much there than not enough. But i told them given the chance he will drain it, but then just be windy and sick, so they must stop him every so often to be winded, then if he cries he wants more. He had nearly finished it when we got there, because they'd just let him carry on, so i took it away, and sure enough he was sick 3 times! :x Not a good start!
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