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Just been diagnosed with PND :((

For the last couple of weeks Ive been feeling very fed up staying at home and have been wanting to return to work which is really not a available option due to no one to keep the baby. This week I even found myself crying while out. Weds night I went out with my 19yr old son. I drank quite alot although usually I can hold my booze very well as used to work in bars etc. My son thought it was best I didnt drive and he is usually a very good driver,but it was raining and he skidded the car and caused it to crash. My partner was very angry,dont blame him as needs d car for work. I said it was me driving to protect Ashley. But then i seemed to go mental
screaming,crying etc. I feel very bad about the car and me and my son will pay the cost v d repairs yet I feel so so guilty. I carnt stop crying. I feel that my partner no longer loves me. I dont want to go out.
Dr came yest and said i have PND tho hopefully not to bad. He wants me to get out more often,meet people etc etc.
Im usually a chilled,confident strong willed person,but i just feel like shit. Feel scared on my own. I wish My partner could stay home with me,but obviously he carnt. I keep crying for nothing. I cried 2day while making the bed,while watching the tv. I carnt stand the way im feeling and I just want to get back to myself. Ive ruined evrything. Were supposed to be going to Barcelona on the 1st of Dec with friends. I was so looking forward to it,now im scared it will be awful and that my partner would prob like to go alone..................
He didnt txt or phone me today and in my head that means he dont want to speak to me. I feel like ive gone tot bloody nuts.
PLEASE HELP. Any suggestions pls pls pls
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Replies

  • If anyone can reply It would be nice as at d moment I feel like im on my own planet. Was crying this morn and i have no idea why..................................... I wish I could just curl up and sleep all d time.
  • Hi Bex, I didn't want to read and run, just wanted to say that you're never alone on this forum and that I'm sure things will start looking up. I know that probably sounds a bit trite and I haven't really got much advice to give, but just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Here goes >>>
    I'm sure your partner loves you loads and that he might just be wondering how to deal with everything too. Maybe a break away will be just the thing you need, a change of scene and all that.

    Did the Dr suggest anyone you could speak to?

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Moggsx
  • awwww bex's hun *hug* from me too
    i'm sorry to hear about your accident! that must have been awful but hiding things from your hubby must be making you feel even worse!
    i have pnd too so know exactly how you feel about crying all the time i didn't wan to eat or get out of bed, although that side of things seems to have gotten better. i still feel like i can't do anything without o/h and i just can't cope with the kids alone. i've been taking my tablets for 5 weeks now.
    try not to be too hard on yourself, your ill after all, and the tablets will get you back on track (or so i'm told! lol!)
    i'm always here if you want to chat (email if you like) danielle xx.
  • Hi Danielle and moggs. The Dr said he didnt want to put me on antidepressants yet he wants me to get out of the house more for now. I have apt to go see him again nxt fri. Im finding it very hard dealing with this insecure person inside of me all of a sudden. If you knew my character you would understand what i mean. I fell so pathetic crying all d time. I fell like ive tot fliped.................
    Thanks for your replys it means alot to me. I guess because i didnt suffer with it with my other 3 that it came as a bit of a shock to get it with no 4 and at 8mths. I read up a bit today on the subject and it seems that getting out and regular exercise can help. Im trying but every day i seem to expect to wake up and its all gone but its not image
  • oops, must of read that wrong or something! i got it at 8 months too! but i think it was coz i started work again!
    i remember you saying you wanted to go to the gym/ dancing again did you manage to start doing that? do you get out much? i dont and i know that i really need to!
    how many kids do you have?
  • I have 4. yes I started at d gym,but I only manage to go about twice for one hour. It makes me feel a bit better yes its true. Actually now I think about it I feel better when ive got out without Leah. And that sounds awfull. As I try to take Leah out for a walk most days but I think it still makes me feel trapped as im still on my own with the baby. I think if I could go back to wrk a few mornings a week then I think I would feel alot better. But by the time i pay for childcare then Its pretty pointless going back to work,besides the fact that I would feel strange handing her over to someone who wasnt familiar with her. Did u go back because u wanted toor because you had too ???
  • i went back because o/h lost his job! image i think that you could still think about working even if your not making much money, as long as your not going to be losing money! as it would be really good for you! if you got a childminder they would get to know her and be able to look after her 1-1 (as opposed to nursery) or how about getting someone to look after her for 1 afternoon a week so you can get out on your own? just my thoughts image
    how old is leah?
    speak to you soon xx.
  • 8mths will be 9mths on the 1st Dec. Yeah I know what you mean,but the thought of leaving her with a stranger................. Actually thinking of going back a few nights a week,so when o/h comes in i go out so to speak...........I think that would prob work better. Tho d only prob is that I think o/h will not like it after d first week as he is used to coming home and relaxing etc. He does play with her etc but mostly i do everything with Leah in d eve,bath her,feed her,put her to sleep,tho usually by breast feeding her . But I really need to get out and do things other than clean one end or another of a baby. His parents try and come over one afternoon a week and keep her for a few hours (2-3) while i go to d gym,but I need more than that,i need to get out and converse and use my brain again as I feel like i can only talk baby these days............. U said u got pnd around 8mths too yes? How do you cope at wrk Danielle?
  • Hi Bex, i was just about to post the same thing, i was diagonsed with PND today and i just feel so crap.
    My little girl is only 4 weeks today and from she was born i didnt feel that instant love that everyone talks about. I thought it would come and dont get me wrong i know i love her but i cant bare to be around her. I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling like this and i cant talk to my mum as she wouldnt understand. I finally told my hubby how i felt a couple of days ago and he said that i wasnt normal. I feel so let down, i dont know what i was expecting when the baby was born but this isnt it. I feel empty and when she crys i actually cringe at having to settle her. i sound like the worst mother but i must be putting on a good show because everyone is saying how well im doing. I dont understand why i feel so empty and even though hubby is trying to understand he is of the opioion that i should be estatic with our baby and im being selfish towards her and her needs.
    I just feel like i cant go on, i went to the doctors today and she wants me to get out of the house and do things on my own before giving me medication but to be honest i dont think that will make any differance, i just want this feeling of emptyness to go away and for my husband to cuddle me and love me like he used to before Ellie was born. I know i sound terrible and i feel so guilty. I hope you get the help you need and i know i just garbbled on your thread but i just wanted someone who is suffering with this to know they are not alone, even though im sure thats how you feel too.
    Diane. xxx
  • Hi Diane. Great to hear from you. What your feeling is classic symptoms so you are normal,your just sick at the moment. Men they think were just using some bloody three letter word to use as a excuse. I only wish my oh could be in my shoes for one week. 2day he told me that i have to stop being so hard on him,with a big sigh that hes tired. I felt like crying. I feel like im dying hear and hes like telling me to pull myself together as hes tired.......Gave me d feeling that otherwise he might not be able to take this.
    Im angry and upset because ive supported him 100% through everything, I didnt get angry when he crashed d car himself a few months ago,i didnt get worked up when I had to support him financially for months. Its now that I really really need him to be patient and give me his support and hes telling me I have to stop being so hard on him as hes tired! Dont he think im trying. Hes just heaped a xtra spoon of pressure on me today by saying that.
    I know thats not his intention dont get me wrong,but he dont seem to understand that because he carnt see that im ill that i possibly could be. I feel trapped and lonely,sad but sometimes ok. I want ME back. PND affects people in many dif ways,from what u said and from the research ive done the way your feeling about d baby is totally PND. So get your oh to read a bit about it or get him to come with you 2 d dr. I should take a piece of my own advice here . I dont have those feelings towards Leah,but maybe thats because I got it much later at 8mths and therefore was ok to bond with my baby. I constantly think my oh hates me and is about to leave me,so what he said today makes me very nervous. I know he tired of this and its putting a strain on our relationship,but im trying,i really am : ((
  • hi bex.
    im so sorry i didnt see your post earlier. sorry havent emailed for a while chloe been ill and comp not working very well. so sorry about crash and how you are feeling. please email soon if you feel like a chat.xxx
  • hey hi. Yeah what fun eeeeeeeeeee. As my o/h put it Ive ruined Xmas,which I prob have. Dunno just feel absolute crap at d moment.Were going to barcelona in just 10 days and i have no idea how im going to feel,or how matthew will bewith me as hes not taking this so well. I know he has pressure at wrk etc and im really not trying to add anymore.
  • i dont want to speak out of turn but you are not completely in the wrong. i think he needs to realise you need support. your having a hard time at the mo and you need suuport. sending you a big hug.xx
  • tx hun. But at d mo im just trying to not bother him,as i think he feels im wearing my pitty badge on my arm. Its d crying thing that gets me, i just feel like im going to cry at any moment. Constantly feel scared that im a terrible person. Just utter crap really. tx for the hug.
  • are you sure you shouldnt be seeing doc again about getting some ad's it sounds to me as if they would help. maybe things would be easier to tackle of you werent on the verge of tears.xx
  • I saw him last Thurs and i have another apt on fri. He said that in his opinion i have PND but not on a very bad scale as yet,he wants to see if i can pull through it by getting out more and not being at home all d time. As im usually at home alone for 5 n half days a week,11-12hrs every day. Except for if I take Leah out in d pram. Ive tried to put it into practice and yesterday i was out from 2pm till 8pm,but I met up with a friend i met in hospital. 2 day went out again for 2hrs to the park with Leah. But to be tot honest yes it is nice to get out and Leah loves d park,but If its me and her I still feel kinda lonely. Tx god for this! What I would like is to go back to work part time,but it aint so easy........I dont want to leave herwith stranger and relatives all busy. Trying to do something in d eve when o/h returns home. Prob would do us good anyway as its not going to well between us a d mo.
  • Hi Bex, thank you for your reply, i know what you mean about going back to work, i actually suggested this after Ellie was 2 weeks old and Gary nearly went through me! I earn as much as him and i thought he could stay at home with her and i could go to work but that was a big NO! The doctor said that it wasnt a good idea to go back to work after only 4 weeks and that it was the PND talking and that i have to find time for myself. Im heading to the cinema tonight and im so looking forward to this.
    Dont blame yourself for feeling rotten, i just think men expect us to be their rocks and when we arnt at our best it scares the hell out of them that they might actually have to be responsible for once. As for hitting the car, these things happen and it would have been much worse if you or your son had been badly hurt. Try and talk to your hubby and tell him he has to be strong for you because you need him now more than ever, i told Gary this today and he said he feels guilty because he cant help me and dosnt know what else to say to me other than to buck up because thats how he would deal with it. Men, what do you do with them?
    Keep in touch and let me know how your getting on.
    Diane. xxx
  • i agree with gazno bex you have to speak to oh. you need support at a time like this not grief. and us mummy's def need our own time when we are not fully responsible for our children.xx
  • Yes I agree, I do feel much better when ive had some child free time. Today his mum is coming and im off to the gym for 1hr. Its great to get out,but lets face it,its not much.........Most people get that and more even when at wrk daily......Whats hard is that sometimes i feel absolutely fine and i think great its gone and then hrs later or a day or so later i feel all weepy again and this upsets me as i would have thought it had gone. Its very very very hard to explain to a guy what it feels like and im sure they think were exaggerating it a bit for d sympathy! Ive never really had mood swings even with my periods so this really hit me for 6. And ive noticed that criticism really really upsets me at the moment. Not that i was ever a big fan of it,but now it makes me all scared that i really am a bad or useless person,it makes me question myself which is something that didnt happen to me before.
    Thanks for your replies its amazing how just to be able to talk with someone who knows how your feeling and isnt all d time telling you that you have to deal with it etc etc.....................Ive learnt over the past and with a old job at SANDS that when someone is going through a emotional time its never best to judge as its very different for everyone and sometimes people just need you to listen to them and tell them that they have your full support no matter what happens etc. Men tell you to get yourself together. very productive when you feel tot lost! Well have to go now girls and tx again for all your replies. Talk again soon X
  • U said u got pnd around 8mths too yes? How do you cope at wrk Danielle?
    hey bex, how are you feeling at the mo.?
    yeah i got it at 8 months when i started back at work because i felt really guilty for leaving the kids and not being there to put them to bed, especially as dad had never looked after them before and l/o wouldn't eat for him and lost a bit of weight! also fitting in doing everything at home, seeing to the kids then going to work, coming home and having to make tea etc. i know thats what everyone does it just felt like too much and i couldn't cope with it all. but o/h has now learnt to deal with the kids much better (better than me! more guilt!) :roll: and i even get a lie in now and then!
    i cope fine while i'm at work though, i work in a supermarket so just sit at a till, doesn't take much concentration etc. and tbh i'm normally dying to get out of the house for a couple of hours by tea time.
    you really need your hubbys support and if you wanna get out of the house without the kids just leave him to get on with it, they are his kids too he needs to learn how to look after them.

    i think with me its a case of trying to be supermum and feeling like a failure coz i'm not! :cry:
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