I feel like my toddler hates me-maybe that caused my pnd

Hi all, i haven't been on for a while (this is my first time on PND forum), my baby daughter is 10 weeks old today (can't believe it!!) and my toddler is 2 and half. We moved house 2 weeks ago and a week before that my healthvisitor did the pnd test on me and she says i am depressed but thought it was all to do with moving so soon after Sophie was born and i haemorrhaged as the placenta wouldn't come away-i ended up in thearter and lost almost 2 litres of blood and so i have been anemic since although i did have 2 blood transfusions. So i don't like thinking about the birth as sophie was taken off me and i didn't see her for the first 3 hours of her life ( i know some women go hours or days without seeing their babies but i still get upset about it as the birth and after with Emma was perfect), and feel ill as the iron tablets make me really constipated so i can't take them like i should. I thought that it was all that too and that i should start feeling happier once i moved but my toddler who is usually so good does not stop crying and has screaming tantrums all the time!! After Sophie was born she walked and held on the the pushchair brilliantly but latley won't walk anywhere and i end up having to carry her which results in me staying in as its too stressfull to go out- i don't have a double pushchair because i didn't need one to start with. I haven't treated her any differently and i always try to make sure she has my attention as much as she always did but she is just so naughty for me and i feel like i have failed-i just feel like a bad mum. Has anyone else got other children and feel like this, could this just be phase she is going through or is it because i am a bit depressed that i can't handle it like i used to?

Sorry for all the questions xxx
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Replies

  • Hey. I sufferred with PND for 3 years following birth of my little boy and can totally relate to your feelings that your daughter hates you. I felt the same,wondering why he didnt love me as he was always crying etc,. Toddlers are so receptive to stress and anxiety and there has been so much going on in your life in a short period. She may be feeling anxious that there is going to be further change or perhaps she is struggling to take everythingon board - their little minds just do not function like ours. It took me a while to understand that.
    When she throws a tantrum and you end up picking her up = perhaps she has now twigged onto that so she knows that if she creates enough she will get that extra attention from you. It is hard but perhaps you need to let her get on with her 'moments', ignoring her when you can and praising the good behaviour as much as possible. Someimes we need to act tough for our own sanity. Your daughter will know that you love her but that certain behaviours are not acceptable. She is too young to hate you - she is just trying to express herself and see what her boundaries are, I am sure.
    I was taking iron tablets recently and was prescribed lactolose solution too - disgusting stuff but it did help loosen things up a bit. I also opted for eating loads of broccoli and asparagus to help too.
    I wish you all the best - things will get easier but its hard to see that when you are in the middle of it. Just take one day at a time. I used to thank god when I got to the end of the day and my boy was sweetly asleep and dread the start of the new day when morning came but gradually it got better.
  • Thank you for replying. I'm glad someone can relate (i'm sorry you had those problems but its nice to know i'm not alone). I went to see my friend who's son is the same age and she says that he is also having horrible tantrums and so i think it may just be the terrible 2's-i just find it difficult to deal with her like that, i get so upset and sometimes cry infront of her (which i hate doing!) and then she gets really worried and wants to cuddle me but i get so angry with her i just need 5 minutes to get through it and i think she feels like i don't want to cuddle her.

    I just need to try to stay calm and help her get through this phase rather than think she is doing it to rebel against me but its tough when i feel so down sometimes.

    Thanks again

    xxx
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