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Hi ladies, just want to share something with you all -

Something I'm having a lot of trouble admitting, I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way.

Sometimes I can't be bothered to play with my baby. Some days I just can't "engage" with him or entertain him and if he cries, I get impatient. And I think "I'm such a terrible mum!!!" I do get depressed, usually for no apparent reason but sometimes I think about all the things LO hasn't got. Nothing major, he has food, warmth etc, but just silly things. Other mums talk about their baby bouncers and mats and special equipment and I start to feel not good enough and guilty. Which simply compounds the depression...

I say stop comparing yourself to other mums. I'm sure every mum has their own problems and concerns. There is no such thing as the perfect mum. And if there was, I sure wouldn't want to know her! :roll:

Replies

  • Its perfectly normal to feel sometimes like you can't be bothered- there aren't too many ppl you could happily spend practically 24 hours a day with. Try to make the most of the time when the baby is asleep to do housework or whatever but do also take time to yourself.
    I have a couple of programmes I watch faithfully every day but I also make sure to spend a bit of time playing with lo each day. Do try to allow lo to play on his own at times too though so that he doesn't become too clingy to you.

    I know what you mean about comparing yourself to other mums- I do this far too much and for me I think its just to do with a lack of self confidence. Money and fancy toys don't make a child happy- infact I think if you keep it basic they tend to appreciate more.

    My 6 and 4 yo love nothing more than a bottle of bubbles (49p!) , a trip to the forest with wellies on to splash in the streams or digging in my back garden for worms and beetles!

    Don't compare yourself to other ppl and try not to worry.
  • my fav. saying:
    "i'd love to be a perfect mum but i'm too busy raising my kids"
    =D
  • I really like that saying.
    I see perfect mums in M&S cafe for their coffee mornings each day at 11am. Its wrong I know but a little bit of me hates them just for looking so perfect. Yummy Mummys, eating Organic drinking their herbal teas. I think really I may be a bit jealous that they have such a group of other mums around them but at the same time I dont want to be like them.
    That said I could also have completely the wrong idea and they may all be walking disasters like me, just better at faking it.
  • dont compare yourself to other mums! the other day i read a post about a jumperoo which is a type of baby bouncer and alot of mums had them and i felt really guilty coz i havnt got the room for it and cant really justify spending ??80 on one when he has other toys and seats and some of them he dont use! but i still thought well if everyone else has one my lo should have one! but hes got everything he wants. and i feel like i cant be bothered to play sometimes its just coz im tired and a bit down with my depression, sometimes i find it draining. dont worry on it! lots of love! xxx
  • Oh god I know how that feels!

    I always compare myself to other mums, but instead of thinking "I do that better than them, or my baby is looking happier" or whatever, I always look at what they're doing better than me, or think they're babies are happier and healthier.
    Why do we set ourselves up to be disappointed and depressed? Since I stopped trying to compare myself to other mums, and just enjoy my baby for what he is, I've been so much happier! And the result of that is that Max is a lot happier!

    Its a great relief to stop worrying about how other mums are doing better than you. If you love your baby ( as I'm sure you all do) then thats all it takes to be a great mum! Not fancy toys or the latest clothes xxx :\)
  • money may buy nice things but it doesnt buy happiness. the quality time you spend with your lo's mean more than any toy, the look on there faces when you play with them, the cheeky smiles and giggles as they stare back at you, the excitement they get when you play with them, how you love and care for them, thats something we all can afford.......and thats priceless!!!! image
    caz x x
  • my lo is 15 months now,my brothers wee girl is 17 months and i always do the whole comparing thing. My brothers oh is the kind of woman who makes out she is the perfect mother and how her baby sleeps all night and eats great, whereas, up until a week ago, my lo still woke up once during the night, fussy eater and the fact that it terrifies me to leave the house on my own with lo.

    I found out, when my bro was talking, that she does in fact wake up every night, the food she eats are fish fingers and chips, pizza and chips, anything as long as she gets chips.

    After finding this out i felt really good. My lo has been sleeping from 7 - 7 for the last week, eats fruit and veggies and has a balanced diet. I know my lo has plenty of toys and gadgets and stuff (what a waste of our money) she like nothing better than sitting with me watching in the night garden, reading a book or me and daddy taking her to the park.

    THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MUM.
  • You are so right. I've realised after having Max. when I really thought about it, that all he wants is to be entertained, have food, have sleep, and have big hugs from his mum (and occasionally his dad!) everything else we think they need is just big companies trying so play on our anxieties in order for us to buy their products! And it works. If we don't have this or that or the latest things then we are somehow "failing" our children and it makes us feel inadequate.
    The fact that your SIL was trying to give the impression of being a "perfect mother" shows that she has just the same insecurities as the rest of us. We all like to keep up this charade that motherhood is like a disney movie but it's simply not like that! I think it would be great if other mums felt they could be totally honest about their babies, even some of the "bad" things (like accidently cutting LO's finger with nail clippers - oops!!). I think it would make everyone feel better. And the fact that your LO doesn't sleep through, or simply refuses to eat carrots, doesn't make you a bad mum!!
    I'm glad you feel better now. Its nice to find out people like that are human too! xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Your sister in law is lying!!!!!xx
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