🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Depressed on a sunny day?
Usually on sunny days I'm in a much better mood. And the same was true of this morning. I went out to meet some other mums I know for coffee and I was in a really good mood. Then they started talking about their holidays this year. Where they are going, how long, and, of course, BABIES!!
Well obviously I didn't mention the fact that I'm not going on holiday, or that I have never been on holiday with Marcus, in fact, I haven't been on holiday since I was 14! And that was ten years ago. I started thinking about that. And Marcus. I don't love him. Or even particularly like him. The only reason I was sleeping with him was because I was lonely and he was being nice. Now look what happened! A baby! Even though I love LO to bits he'll always tie me to the man I don't love. I am soooo stupid!
And I really want a holiday...
Anyway so it's lovely weather, people are out doing things people do in lovely weather and I've just eaten two, yes TWO tirimasu's! My goodness. I really fancy a fag but haven't smoked for over a year now.
It'll be death by chocolate instead!
I feel very low today. My buggy is broken or something one of the side doesn't go up properly and I was crying so much about it like it was this huge thing. Calmed down a bit now. LO is asleep, so thought I'd get all this off my chest to anyone listening. Or should I say reading
Well obviously I didn't mention the fact that I'm not going on holiday, or that I have never been on holiday with Marcus, in fact, I haven't been on holiday since I was 14! And that was ten years ago. I started thinking about that. And Marcus. I don't love him. Or even particularly like him. The only reason I was sleeping with him was because I was lonely and he was being nice. Now look what happened! A baby! Even though I love LO to bits he'll always tie me to the man I don't love. I am soooo stupid!
And I really want a holiday...
Anyway so it's lovely weather, people are out doing things people do in lovely weather and I've just eaten two, yes TWO tirimasu's! My goodness. I really fancy a fag but haven't smoked for over a year now.
It'll be death by chocolate instead!
I feel very low today. My buggy is broken or something one of the side doesn't go up properly and I was crying so much about it like it was this huge thing. Calmed down a bit now. LO is asleep, so thought I'd get all this off my chest to anyone listening. Or should I say reading
0
Replies
Didn't want to read and run. Are you married to Marcus? I was in a marriage and had fallen completely out of love with the person and rather than doing the right thing and just leaving him I thought I would try just for the kids...and I did for years, but it was never going to work and I was so, so unhappy.
What I am trying to say is dont stay in a loveless relationship - I was so much happier once I was on my own and then I met my wonderful new hubby who is fantastic.
You have also done so well not to smoke - 2 tirimasu's is nothing!!!!!!
Your little chap looks gorgeous, and yes there will always be that tie, but you can still have a life, and more than that, you deserve a life and one that makes you happy.
Afterall if you are miserable then in the end it will rub off on your LO.
Not sure if this helped, but hope you can get some perspective on things and start to plan the life you want for both you and your LO.
C.xxx
No I'm not married. Make it easier I guess. I'm only 23 and can't believe this mess I've got myself in!! And I know this situation is whats making me depressed.
You're right, it will rub off on Max and as he gets older, he'll know his mummy and daddy don't really like eachother. I know whats got to happen but I feel so guilty about it.
I want to split while Max is still young, I don't want him to go through all that when he's older.
Its a bit of a mess, really
You mustn't feel guilty about your life, we only get one chance to live it, and everyone deserves the best they can get.
Also if you split sooner rather than later, by the time Max is a bit older you may be able to have a civil relationship with Marcus - or of course he may just fizzle out of your lives.
Either way, I am here if you need to chat - but be strong for you and Max and do what feels right for you, and dont feel guilty...you have nothing to feel guilty about. If you need to find me I am normally in baby born in November 07 - so you can always leave a message for me in there. When was your Max born?
Big Hug.
Carolyn.xxx