How to tell OH?

Hi ladies, hoping you can help me out here.

My LO Rachel is 6 months old today (yay!) and I'm certain I have PND. I've suffered with depression in the past and I feel exactly the same - crying for no reason throughout the day, panic attacks, can't bring myself to leave the house or socialise at all, can't sleep... all the same symptoms.

However, I'm finding it really difficult to tell anyone about it - my OH hasn't noticed, my GP and HV are both crap and I've no family living nearby. How do I tell OH what is going on? Don't want him to think I'm a crap mum or weak - I love our daughter dearly, but I'm just finding it really hard to cope feeling like this.

Hannah xx

Replies

  • Hi. I felt exactly the same as you just a few weeks ago. I have gotten to the point where I was seriously considering running away, getting really angry and short tempered and in constant tears. I'm not much better yet as anti depresents make me feel sick but telling people and asking for help has made a bit of a difference.

    My GP really surprised me as I also thought he was crap. I actually wanted to see a different Dr but couldnt face the row with the receptionists. He was brlilliant, very kind, sincere and caring. He has made me have weekly follow ups and within a day of seeing him my HV was on the phone too.

    Not so sold on her, we played telephone tennis for ages and I felt she could make more effort given how low I was but Nathan is 1 year old now so maybe she thought she was well rid of me! Shes coming over next Thursday and although I still dont know what she can possibly do I'm pleased to have someone coming round who I can talk to about it, eventhough I dont really know her.

    As for oh, I have been disapointed with his reaction. He is saying the right things but I know he just doesnt "get it". He's off to Prague for 3 days this weekend and although I havent asked him to miss out on it if he really understood how low I was I dont think he'd go. I need his support so much but he just doesnt know what to do - that said I dint know what i want him to do, maybe just take over with the kids a bit more, help around the house? Who knows.

    Please please go to your gp and ask for help, I spoke with the samaritans too in the build up, you can email them if you prefer and they did encourage me to get further help and reassure me that I wasnt completely nuts.

    Also please feel free to Email me if you just need to vent. I'm not aound much in the day as I'm at work but check my Emails each evening. Plus I'm on my own all weekend and pertrified at the thought of it so any distractions are welcome.

    Best of luck

    Donna xx
  • My youngest is 4mths now and I'm sufering too. I HATE my HV but I've been having listening visits with someone from the health visiting team, and sh'es lovely. Just listens to me moaning, then makes suggestions for things I could do etc. Really helps just knowing I can talk to her without being judged, and that I can say absolutely anything to her. I also spoke to our GP surgery and explained that I don't like the HV and thats how I ended up with the other lady, could be worth a try for you too. They aren't allowed to tell the HV what you've said.
    I'd agree with lots of what Donna said. I tried loads of times to tell OH but each time it ended up with me screaming at him for not listening, usually crying and ending with me slamming the door and going to bed!!
    Eventually I printed a thing off a website that explained a bit about PND then when I was going to bed I gave him it and said 'If you read that you may understand whats happening to me'
    He still won't talk to me about it but seems more tolerant of my 'rants' and does more with both DD's when I ask him to - and like Donna losing her OH for the weekend, I lose him to golf evey saturday so i understand how that feels.
    I genuinely don't believe men ever fully 'get it'
    I'm also around most of the time and happy to listen (or read) someone else vent, makes a change from listening to myself, so feel free to e-mail me too.
  • My oh is away at the moment so I'm gonna write a letter while hes gone explaining exactly how I've been feeling, even some thing that I know will hurt him a bit that I've been to scared to tell him (thoughts about running away). I'm gonna give it to him when thigs are going well so that he understands that even if I'm having an up day, that doesnt mean its all over.

    Might be worth a try for you??

    xxxx
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