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I cant take it no more.
Im sorry, this is going to be a rant but I cant sit in silence no more.
I have a daughter who is 17 months and just had a son who is 6 weeks. I thought it was baby blues but after reading the messages on here I fear its worse. does anyone else feel like this...
I dont love my daughter like i used to. I dont feel any emotional connection to my son. I take care of him because I have to, not because I enjoy it. I sometimes cant bear him touching me and stopped breastfeeding because of this and when I was giving it up I was punching, pinching and scratching my breasts until they were brused and bleeding. One night I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor crying with a kitchen knife against my thigh. It was so hard not to cut myself.
Things are going bad with my partner. Im constantly telling him that I hate him and the kids and regret ever meeting him. Im also so worried that he will find out he isnt their father even though Ive never cheated. Worst of all is that im worried im gonna harm my baby, with all this Baby P issue in the press Im scared that if I talk to my GP she'll refer me to the social and they'll take them away from me. I know i wouldn't hurt him ever but its there in my mind, I think this is why im doing it to myself instead??
This is just a fraction of what im feeling and reading over it Im discustded in myself. some of the things that go through my mind I cant tell anyone because then its real. Im going to print this out and take it to my GP because Im too ashamed to say it out loud.
Claire
I have a daughter who is 17 months and just had a son who is 6 weeks. I thought it was baby blues but after reading the messages on here I fear its worse. does anyone else feel like this...
I dont love my daughter like i used to. I dont feel any emotional connection to my son. I take care of him because I have to, not because I enjoy it. I sometimes cant bear him touching me and stopped breastfeeding because of this and when I was giving it up I was punching, pinching and scratching my breasts until they were brused and bleeding. One night I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor crying with a kitchen knife against my thigh. It was so hard not to cut myself.
Things are going bad with my partner. Im constantly telling him that I hate him and the kids and regret ever meeting him. Im also so worried that he will find out he isnt their father even though Ive never cheated. Worst of all is that im worried im gonna harm my baby, with all this Baby P issue in the press Im scared that if I talk to my GP she'll refer me to the social and they'll take them away from me. I know i wouldn't hurt him ever but its there in my mind, I think this is why im doing it to myself instead??
This is just a fraction of what im feeling and reading over it Im discustded in myself. some of the things that go through my mind I cant tell anyone because then its real. Im going to print this out and take it to my GP because Im too ashamed to say it out loud.
Claire
0
Replies
This is crap! Im looking at him now and I feel nothing. He did his first smile the other day and I looked away. Poor little man doesnt know anything. i should be the person who loves him more than anything but i just dont
But these feelings you obviuosly know are not 'right'...
I would go and speak to a GP hun or even another family member maybe not your OH...
Please please go and get the help x
I have PND & can totally understand the 'detached' feelings, the 'running on autopilot', the feeling that everybody will be better off without u there.......this is some of the things PND does to you. It's an imbalance of hormones messing with ur brain etc.....counselling will help as will anti depressants. Best thing I ever did was talking to my gp & being honest as this was the way I got the help I really needed.
Re ur husband......if u find it hard to tell him what's going on, at first, get him to read ur posts....and the replies of support. U need his love & support as well hun xx
[Modified by: ClaireTyler on February 27, 2009 11:58 AM]
Claire
32+5
Hope you feel better soon xx
Hope you feel better soon xx
Gembags, Im glad your back to normal 1 year on from getting help. thats really reassuring that i wont be doped up on these for the rest of my life!
Taz1982, I sream at my son too and have even called him a little 'c u next tuesday' in the middle of tesco which is discusting and would normally never say that. Ihave walked out once and just roamed the streets for a few hours but i had a panic attack and had to go home.
thank you for all your help
Claire
32+6
Thank you for all your support!
[Modified by: ccbmommy on March 01, 2009 02:02 PM]
Claire
34wks today
Im feeling a million times better now thanks. the medication kicked in quite quickly and the health visitor came and did a home visit to check if everything was ok and I mentioned my fear of hurting the baby and she asked the local mental health team to come to see me which i was quite scared about but they were really nice. I have to see a phyciatrist (sp?!) but they said it was just to talk about it to help me get over it mentally.
Things have improved with my paretner and we havent argued all week!!!
For anyone who ios reading this who felt like I did, please write down exactly how you feel and show it to your doctor, they'll get a better idea of the situation and give you the help you need. Im a completly different person to what i was a few weeks ago! Thank you all! x
Claire
34+1
There's a solution out there and it seems like you're on the right path now. Sadly PND split me and my partner up but it seems like you've taken control just in time.
Keep us informed Claire and I hope you take care of yourself
xxx