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Think I may have PND

My daughter is 8 weeks today - I've felt quite teary on and off since she was born bit thought hinges were getting better and just pu it down to tiredness. However this week I went to hospital for a follow up appt (not pregnancy related) and was inters in the waiting room then when I was taken through by student dr she asked if I was pregnant then went onto ask how the birth had gone and if I was bf - she hit all My raw nerves and I ended ip bawling my eyes out. I had planned on a water birth bt found out at 40+1 that baby was breech and was sent for a section 2 days later, section was really not what I wanted ESP wiu my needle phobia. Aila then ended up in SCBU at 4 days as she had group b strep I feel guilty for giving her the infection. I statrted off bf but gave that up for various reasons and I feel guilty aboutthat too. She then got colic and I felt utterly useless not being able to console her - I still can't really tell what her cries mean but you're told that you will recognise what your baby wants bythe cries. I feel like such a bad mummy.

Havin had depression previously I knew I'd be more prone to PND but I was so grateful to finally have my baby after 2 miscarriages I thought that the happiness would outweigh nag potential for depression.


  • Hi, I'm up late and just saw your post! I've not been diagnosed with pnd, but boy do I know how hard a baby with colic is.

    My ds1 had colic so badly, he would literally cry for hours and nothing hubby and I could do would comfort him. I think everyone expects early motherhood to be hard sometimes, what with the emotions, sleep deprivation etc - but I don't think anything prepares you for a colicky baby who can't be comforted. It can make you utterly despair. Let me assure you that this won't last must longer - it is only the first 3-4 months - try not to let it upset you - just accept that baby won't remember any of this pain, and will be over it soon. My own colicky baby is now a strapping 8yr old lol!

    Please please don't feel guilty about not bf'ing. Whatever the reasons, so many people don't bf, and there is nothing to feel guilty about! You are feeding your baby -formula is highly fortified with everything your little bundle needs! - that is what matters! I bf but believe me, it is not without it's problems - although the NHS bangs on about bf all the time there is some awful 'anti-bf' feeling out there in wider society. Part of motherhood seems (unfortunately) to be feeling guilty about things we have or haven't done.

    I'm glad you opened up to the student doctor - you don't need to suffer in silence. I really hope you get the help you need.

    Wishing you and your lovely baby all the best.


  • Hi DangerMouse

    I'm so sorry your feeling like this! I could have written parts of this post myself! My DD is now 20 weeks old and I was diagnosed with PND when she was about 8 weeks old. I was constantly crying (for no apparent reason) and still am, I felt very isolated, hated being around DH and I was and still am very protective and sometimes possesive over DD.
    It took DH and I over 2 and half years to conceive so when I found out I was pregnant I was so happy because its all I ever wanted. My pregnancy was easy and there were a lot of ups and downs. My Labour and Birth were horrendous and so part of this contributes to my PND. I started BFing but I got mastitis so had to stop (and still to this day, I feel I've let DD down). I was then later re-admitted to hospital with Deep Vein Thrombosis (4 days after giving birth). All my fears I had for giving birth came true (I was petrified about having an epidural and ended up having 2 that didn't work and then had to have a spinal. I also was so scared of being cut which they did have to do!). It was just one thing after another. I lied to the MW to get out of the hospital the day after as it was dreadful in there.

    It hurts me that I have PND when all I have ever wanted was a child! I couldn't understand and still can't understand why I have it when I am so happy I have a beautiful little girl!

    Have you been to your doctor? I have a really understanding Health Visitor who has arranged for me to talk the Delivery Suite Manager where I had DD so she can talk me through everything that happened. I'm on Anti-Depressants now and although I the doctor is still altering the dosage to find the right one, I feel better than I did but still get a lot of down days. It's going to take a while but like my HV said to me, just take small steps each day, try to talk to someone about how your feeling.

    Sorry to ramble on! I hope you feel better soon hun! As my HV says to me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it yet.

    Kim x
  • Hi ladies - it's so hard not to feel guilty about not bf especially with the nhs's big campaign I know so many women who really wanted to bf and for one reason or other it didn't work and whilst I sat with them saying hey shouldn't feel bad and at least baby had the colostrum etc I can't think the same for myself!

    Bugabo I've not spoken to my dr yet think I'll
    Discuss it when Aila gets her 8 week check on thurs.
  • hiya DM,
    well you know I don't have LO yet, so no idea about the PND really. but saw the post was from you and just wanted to wish you luck with talking to doc, and let you know I'm thinking of you. Hope you get good support tomorrow and get a plan of action to try to get you feeling better.
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