Please help!!!

Sorry ifr this is all 'bitty' and doesn't make much sense but I am sat here in utter tears after just shouting at my 9 month old to 'go away and leave me alone' over something that is certainly not his fault and all he was trying to do was climb up onto my lap for a cuddle! (Bless him he's gone over the other end of the room and is playing but feel so guilty as I love him to pieces)

Anyway this is my story...............
Basically, I have always been at risk of PND due to having had anxiety stress/depression while in my lat term of uni 3 years ago. Well when robert was born I feltr rather down but always came up borderline on the quiz. Plus, I also couldn't wait to get back to work even though I love my son to pieces! Then recently we joined a really great music class that we both Love going to and after just 2 sessions of that I felt so much happier and was acheiving briliant scores on the test and life was GREAT!!
I applied to work for a 4 day week, so we could still attend the classes and found a really great nursary right round the corner from work. then the trouble started...........................

I had to get back to the nursary confirming the hours before Work got back to me and I nievely (sp?) booked it for only 4 days because I was so sure that work would agree as I am/was sure that others do a 4 day week. Anyway then work get back to me saying i have to go back full time and at first I was fine. Then that night I start thinking and couldn't sleep as I don't want Robert to miss out on his music class as I love it, but can't afford a nanny/childminder for the day. Basically I am just so depressed and worried now, can't stop crying and can't sleep unless I hav3e my mp3 player on and...............oh my mind is just so messed up that I can't explain on here..........

worst of all there are no HV's avaliable untill monday at the earliest even to chat to as one is on holiday and one is off sick and then I'm busy literally ALL of next week with various different things so don't have a clue when the HV will get to come round even if I do get an appointment and if I want to contest work's decision the latest I need to tell them is wednesday after next!!

I just don't know what to do anymore and am fed up of constantly shouting at my husband and son who are the two peopLE I love most in the whole universe! Plus I am BF and Robs won't take a bottle and don't think you can take antidepressants while BF.............

Dunno how anyone here can help or if this makes any sense at all but just needed to vent to some people who might understand at least a bit.

Thanks! x :cry:

Replies

  • aw chick i do understand i keep shouting at my other half quite a lot to avoid shouting at my daughter!
    you can take antidepressants while breastfeeding i did from when my daughter was 3 months old.
    i can completely sympathise because your children are the most important people ever and your so conflicted over your feelings which doesnt help!
    message me if you need a private chat!
    hugs and cuddles
    xxxxxxxxxx
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