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I just need to talk

Hi my name is Amy, I'm 25 and I have 2 daughters my eldest is 3 and a half my youngest is 9 months today. I am not sure what is wrong with me , I haven't felt happy for so long, I have some days when I feel 'okay' but that's as good as it gets. I tried to talk to my partner and he didn't listen and then I snapped and turned nasty he left. I asked for help more than once, I told him I felt like I couldn't cope. I don't think he could see why because our children were always clean and tidy I do everything for them, so he can't see that inside I'm just falling apart. I have woke up In the night and just thought I could run away and the girls would be better off without me. I am also back at work and the baby still wakes up between 4 and 6 times a night and it's just destroying me. Now he has gone I feel even more alone I find myself crying while I'm cooking or reading my babies a story, it feels like I'm just going through the motions. I want to enjoy being a mum but it feels like I won't, ever

Replies

  • I don't want to seem over presumptuous but it really seems to me that you are suffering from a depressive illness!! My advice to you would be to book an appointment with your GP as soon as possible! You may require medication interventions or talking therapies may have a positive impact on your mental state! The first step is often the hardest and that's recognizing that there is a problem and seeking help! I seriously urge you to go to your GP and I hope you're feeling better soon image
  • I tried, I went in once when my baby was 4 months old and I was meant to go back but I was having an okay day and thought I didnt need to go. I feel like il be letting people down as my mum just keeps telling me to get on with it, but I am finding it so very hard.

    Thank you for replying though x
  • Go again, honestly!! Explain that things have got worse and explain how low you feel on your worst days, I imagine they will start you on an anti depressant as it is most likely post natal depression which usually requires medication on top of psychological input, or at times works alone!! You will have days where you are feeling better then others and from an outside perspective it may seem that you are 'coping' but left alone your depressive symptoms may become worse. You know yourself better then anyone and you have obviously identified that there is a problem! Please do go back to your GP, if they're unhelpful request to see another one!
  • Definitely should go back to the Doctor - there is nothing to be ashamed of, you haven't failed and no one thinks badly of you ! If you don't want to tell your mother where you are going then don't but it sounds like you need the support.

    Go to Drs anyway, even if you are having an ok day as Sid said there may be another down day around the corner if you don't get the help you clearly need.

    You will be amazed at how much better you feel just sharing your thoughts with your Dr and then they can start to help you image Good luck with it, really hope you get some help with it x
  • hey x you are definately not alone! i fell pregnant at 18 by my then boyfriend who lwts just say wasnt ready to be a dad, had my son at 19 his dad left us i had to bring my baby up on my own and go to work, id find myself some days lying on my livingroom floor in a ball crying, a song a photo, anything and id be a mess i also thaught my son would be better without me but then realised it wasnt normal to feel this way. i went to the doctor with my concerns who put me on strong anti depressants which did help but i didnt want to become addicted to them.and eventually wanted to face my demons myself, i was refered to a councilor which helped me more than the tablets to be honest x

    4 years on im in a brilliant relationship trying for another baby both of these things i felt would never be possible!

    you will get through it hun you just need support x i really hope you feel better and can finaly start feeling you again x big hugs!!
  • Thank you all so much for your support, I'm going to go drs tomorrow morning and explain even if it is just for a chat and a cry! I just felt so alone I don't know anyone else with young children in my position and I felt I couldn't talk to anyone, but it feels easier here because no one can see me xx
  • It is extremely common and you're not alone image if you feel you need an impartial person to speak to ask about LIFT psychology or being referred to primary care in mental health services. Fingers crossed for you and I really hope you start feeling better soon image
  • Hi, I went to the doctors today and he gave me some citalopram, he wasn't very easy to talk to though- but he has spoke to the health visitor who is going to come see me tomorrow, and then weekly , so I feel a bit better because I know I will be getting some help. I haven't taken the tablets yet and not sure if I will but I know they are there if i need them xxxx
  • Just remember anti depressants aren't for life, and in a lot of cases they aren't necessary. Unfortunately with post natal depression you will most likely require the medication to lift your mood, once stabalised you can begin to reduce the medication, ensure it is done slowly though as if done too quickly the depressive symptoms can come back. Really glad you sought help image
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