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Hello all, my baby girl is 4 weeks old tomorrow and since we came home from the hospital I have been struggling big time! I have been diagnosed with PND and iv been put on some meds (which haven't kicked in yet I don't think) in receiving counselling and have asked for CBT! 

I just so desperate to feel better! I feel so hopeless and numb! ita making me feel like I don't love my baby and my husband and even my family, I feel so disconnected from the world and have no idea what to do! 

I wake most mornings hoping this is a huge nightmare and that I'll wake up and I'm still pregnant (I had a lovery pregnancy and was so so happy) 

please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel and it's not forever?! 

I feel I do not deserve my child and that she would be better off with some own else and maybe I should just leave them all behind to live a happy life together without me bringing them down!!!! 

Help!!! 

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Replies

  • Hi Kirsty 

    the way you feel sounds awful.  I have not been Pregnant but I have suffered with Despression.  

    take each day as it comes, I know it's not simple but try to focus on the positives no matter how small. 

    Your Daughter and family no doubt love you very much, and I don't know you but sounds like your a great Mum.  It's very brave to ask for help and admit your struggling.  

    Make sure you get plenty of rest and don't be afraid to ask for more help.  If your medication isn't working maybe speak to your Doctor they may need to change the dose.  

    Your family will never be happy without you quite the opposite No matter how much you think you are disappointing them (you are not its just the illness telling you bad things)

  • Thank you for your reply! I went back to the doctors and they want me to continue for a while as they believe they haven't fully kicked in yet! I'm getting to the point that I don't want to go out and I was such a social butterfly! I'm hoping once the meds kick in and I hope to get Cbt that I can start to sort my head and feelings out! We were trying for a while for our little girl and its soul destroying now to feel this way! The guilt I feel in unbearable and to watch everyone coo and love my daughter is heartbreaking as I'm so desperate for that to be me! X

  • It will be you soon.  Postnatal depression can happen to anyone, don't feel guilty there's nothing you could do to prevent it, you've got yourself help that's huge And you can be really proud of that. It's lovely your Daughter has such a brave and loving Mother and family.  

  • Thank you! I hope so :) I can't bear it anymore! She just laughed in her sleep and it really made me smile and then 2 seconds later it all comes crashing down! Here's hoping that I get stronger soon! I never want my daughter to feel she wasn't wanted (even though she was) bexause of this and me!!! 

  • You do want her and you do love her though, dont doubt that at all.  The illness is just getting in the way.  The illness is not the deep down real you.  

  • You will get better you have to believe that

  • I find it hard to believe anything at the moment apart from all the negativity! 

  • I know, that's the illness unfortunately. Don't give up

  • Thank you! I'll try not too :(

  • The most important thing is when you need extra help ask for it.  come back and talk to me if you need to, although I'm not much help, if you want to talk I can listen 

  • Thank you so much! They'd very nice of you! Sometimes I just need reassurance :) 

  • Hi Kirsty, so sorry hear you're having tough time of it right now. PND is a cruel illness, but you more definitely are not alone. You've done the hardest thing, which is to seek help, but well done you for that. We thought you might want to check out our March 16 Babies club - it is full of women who had their baby in March, and you might find some good support amongst the other women there. Please do feel free to check it out, and we're wishing you well.

  • Thank you very much :)

  • Been having a better day and all of a sudden having intrusive thoughts and I have just had a meltdown! My daughter deserves more than this so does my husband! I need to leave so they can be happy! 

  • They won't be happy without you though.  It's natural to struggle as a new Mum, it's a really exhausting time.  Make sure you take time to rest go enjoy a nice warm bath ask for help from Family members.  But if you really go get to the point you absolutely can't cope then seek more help.  

  • Main thing is you had a better day too.  It will take time to get better.  Are your Husband and family being supportive? 

  • Thank You! Yeah they are so supportive! I'm very lucky like that! It's the thoughts I can't cope with mainly. they are soul destroying! X

  • aww that's brilliant you have a wonderful family.  I hope your meds help soon for you, you sound as though your dealing with it fantastically well.  

    today is another day 🌞

  • Hi Kirsty, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I had undiagnosed PND with my daughter (my first child) and, coupled with the physical exhaustion of birth and the sleep deprivation of having a new child (never mind the raging hormones) it was horrendous. I had read all about having a baby and instantly feeling a huge surge of love and, for me, it just wasn't like that. I would look at my daughter - and resent her for making me tired, for taking up all of my husband's and family's attention, for ruining my body and sleep. People would trot out trite little sayings "make the most of the previous first few days", "you wouldn't change it for the world" and I just felt a bit dumbstruck - like I was on another planet from where I should have been. I just wanted to drive back to the hospital and leave her there! (I didn't obviously.)

    What is really good is that you have recognised this early on and that you are getting help. I think CBT sounds like a great idea and hopefully you will get a referral for that soon. In the mean time - could you try elements of it yourself? Each time you find yourself thinking your family would be better off without you, try stopping and making yourself think 'it is hard now but I am going to be a fantastic mother to my daughter and we are going to be such a happy family and I have a loving supportive husband'  or something along those lines?

    For me - it got easier gradually but only really turned a corner once I had gone back to work. I now have a very healthy happy relationship with my 3.5 year old. I wish I had got help and support sooner and it's really good that you are already talking to your GP and other health professionals.

    For now - take each day as it comes, hang in there, and keep asking for help when you need it. It sounds like you have a great support network and they will help you get through this. Best wishes xx

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