Only the lonely...
First time ever posting in a forum and I am new to MadeforMums but wanted to share how I have been feeling lately to see if there is anyone else out there experiencing something similar...
I had a gorgeous little baby boy in Feb 2016 and the pregnancy and labour (natural) all went fine but about 2 months afterwards, I started to feel the familiar low-ness I had felt when I had my first born 2 years earlier.
This time I have picked up on the signs as has my husband, so we are trying together to make sure we talk as much as possible to keep it from spiralling like it did last time.
I have tried baby groups, but other mums seem to be super cliquey with others their own age (I'm 35) and I just feel like I am asking the same old questions "how old is your baby, are they teething and seems to me I am always the one asking - like a loner lol. I tried the baby groups (sensory etc) with my now toddler and again they were so cliquey - if you didn't live in the right postcode, you weren't part of the bunch of mums who hung out in between the baby classes. Health visitor said I should try local community groups, but they break for the summer holidays in a matter of weeks and don;t start up again until September.
Have joined the gym in an effort to get the happy endorphin's going, and mentioned my blues tot he health visitor when she last came who will try and set up some CBT sessions with me.
I hate being a moaner, given I have a lovely baby and a toddler, but the loneliness is dreadful, sometimes I know that on the days my toddler is at nursery, I will probably go hours and hours without talking to anyone face to face (other than chatting to people in our local Tesco and on our high street etc.)
Anyone experiencing anything similar or have any advice?
S
x
Replies
Hiya swelly, welcome to MadeForMums - we're sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it.
Thankfully you and your hubby recognised the signs, and you know what's happening, but we're sorry you're not having much joy with the baby groups. They can be hard to navigate sometimes can't they?
We thought this thread might be of interest to you - but we also wanted to say, you're not alone - it can be so hard, and please, feel free to vent it out here.
Hi S,
Congratulations on your baby boy! I have one too, born in November. Like you I am an older mum (I've just turned 43!)
I had pnd when my middle child was born almost 16 years ago and vowed this time I'd seek help sooner rather than later if I felt things were going that way. Anyway long story short, I left it months struggling day to day with feeling so anxious about every little thing. I'm now on medication (last 2 weeks) and really wish I'd acted sooner.
Talking with your partner and going to the gym will certainly help you to keep things out in the open and make you feel better. But don't leave it if things don't improve.
As for baby groups, I attended a 6 weeks course with other new mums. it was run by the local surestart centre. There was a mix of ages of mums and one single dad there. Because noone knew each other before they went there were no pre made groups which was great. After the course many of us stayed in touch and meet for coffee, play or picnics. We also started a Facebook group where we can ask each other for advice, it's been a lifesaver. I've come to discover that all mums, even those that appear to be all 'together', are having their own struggles and need support with the best of us.
Do you live in quite a quiet area? X
Hi Sunny,
Thanks v much for the msg. How are you feeling now? I decided against medication for now but am glad you are feeling better for starting it and i will keep a track of how I feel in case I need to see my GP for some.
I just emailed my local SureStart to see if there are any sessions coming up. I have also enrolled in an NCT early years course to get myself out and about a bit more.
I live in Zone 3 in South East London, so not in a quiet area really but I will see how I get on with the NCT and surestart classes and take it from there
x
Afternoon Swelly, I have found maternity leave really difficult for the same reasons and I think because I identify myself so much with my job I feel pretty aimless at the moment. I am also 35 and have found the m&b groups mostly annoying, talking to other women about poo or weaning or feeding. I know exactly how you feel, though I do love my little one I find the loneliness/aimlessness/drudgery unbearable. Although not diagnosed with PND, I probably have anxiety issues.. but, enough about me..
I just wanted you to know you are not alone in feeling like this and if you need a chat, please don't hesitate to message me (currently sitting at home waiting for my seven month old to wake up, the excitement never ends!!).
Hey,
my little boy is 14 weeks old and I'm starting to wonder whether I am suffering from PND. I've always been an anxious, introverted person and I feel like having a baby has really emphasised this; what you mention about mother and baby groups rings true with me - I'm not good at small talk and I feel like it mentally drains me. I prefer conversation with purpose. I've joined a couple of groups which have now finished for term time and i've made the decision to go back to work part-time from Sept. The past couple of weeks I can feel myself feeling exhausted and isolated. I get enough sleep but something else exhausts me to the point where I feel physically weak and feel like crying. My other half is supportive but just doesn;t 'get it'. I've been to the doctors and they recommended CBT but i'm not certain that'll be all that helpful.
Apologies for the incoherent response! my little one has just woken up but I wanted to post something
You are not incoherent, Joah's mummy. I feel much happier now I have returned to work. The time with my daughter is precious now rather than relentless. Good luck with going back to work and be kind to yourself, it will take a little time to get back into the swing of things but you will be fine.
Hi Joahsmummy
you are definitely not alone in feeling as you have been.
until really recently I have found maternity leave hugely isolating and have like you felt down and not myself. quite often I have gotten myself in a huge panic about things not going 100% the way they should and been extra hard on myself.
baby groups have been really mixed - small talk can be draining as you don't develop personal and meaningful relationships or bonds with other mums but I would really recommend an early days NCT course - I have really loved the one I did and have met chatty mum's through it.
I have also become. e more aware of other groups and events that run on a regular basis via NCT nontoxic just NCT events) that I am looking forward to going to.
sorry you feel as though you have pnd. I'm glad your partner is there for you otherwise it can be further isolating.
try CBT. I am and it is helping me to see things more objectively and be less hard on myself. it may also help if you are due to go back to work part time next month with settling back in as lots of people including me have a knock in confidence at work after maternity leave.
am here if you need anyone to chat to.
Try to have some time to yourself without th3 baby or just you and your partner. something as simple as a long hot bath whilst your son is with his daddy, go for a haircut, lunch with friends or for me personally, the gym has been my saviour. I have helped me battle through my pnd so much better than when I had it with my first son.
and lastly, as pippastar says, be kind to yourself. motherhood is amazing but it is also incredibly tough and tiring. sleep as much as you can and just talk to a friend or family member as well. sometimes someone asking you how you're getting on can go a long long way - you just need to be open, honest and let people in to help you through this low phase and it will pass it's course. promise.
big hugs.
shakila
xxxx