Someone PLEASE help!!!

Please can someone help me as I am approaching the end of my tether!

For six months my daughter has been wetting herself. I started to potty train her at two and a half years as she was totally ready. I followed the Gina Ford method which worked a treat with my son and she took to it nearly as quickly. She rarely has any problems with dirty knickers, I think three times since we put her in knickers, but every single day since she has had at least three lots of wet knickers and on bad days I have to change her up to seven times from the waist down - a pile of 21 pairs of knickers were lasting just three days!

I have tried explaining it to her, using a reward chart, giving her a reward each time she manages to get to the potty in time and has dry knickers, getting angry, staying calm but nothing works and in six months there has been no improvement at all. I've been to the doctor and they say she is fine and normal, and I am being told that is just 'what girls do' and she will 'grow out of it' but WHEN??? What can I do because now she is three and approaching going to nursery, I can see no end to the wet knickers and wet trousers.

Please help!

Replies

  • I think you need to go back to pull ups - she doesnt sound ready.

    My daughter was 3 1/2 before she was totally dry in the day, I had tried potty training from 2 1/2 yrs - thinking she was ready but really she wasnt!

    Go back to nappies/pull ups for a little while to let her forget all the wet knickers etc then in a few weeks Just put her in pull ups and ask her to tell you if she needs a wee, leave a potty laying around, then a week or so after start asking her if she needs a wee - make her sit on the potty at certain times - before breakfast - mid morning - before lunch etc etc

    It will click eventually, if you push her she will go backwards.

    My boys were totally different to potty train - it came easier...dont give up just give her time.
  • Little ones do have accidents,some more than others,and sometimes you need to tell them it's time to go to the toilet,before the accident happens so there's something to be positive and excited about rather than disappointed cos it seems like you're getting nowhere.

    If the wet knickers and trousers are part of the problem I'd go without,use them as an incentive to bring back later.It's getting warmer now,no trosers and knickers is much quicker for a busy toddler to deal with in the middle of a game they don't want to interrupt.If you have to go out put pull ups on,but try not to at home as they're so like a nappy they often confuse the child and make the whole thing take much longer than it needs to.

    I find bribes go a long way,Smarties the number one choice on our house.Instant reward,right there for each little success.Soon had them wanting to use the potty.

    Above all don't let it stress you out,your little girl will see that it worries you.If you need a break you may wel find that it happens just like that when you get back to it.

  • Have you tried to pin down when she wets - that is, does she get so engrossed in a game she forgets/ can't be bothered to go? My son's 5, and it's only in the last 6 months he's been mature enough to leave a game etc that he's engrossed in to get to the loo on time, though he's understood about toilet etc since we started training him at 2 1/2. I got fed up with reminding him to go, and I think he got very bored too, but it did sink in eventually.

    Could it be an attention-grabbing strategy? Does she get more interaction with you when she wets?

    If she's wetting all the time, and not just when she forgets, I would say she's not ready.  Nurseries normally won't mind (unless they have a strict 'no nappies' rule, and most kids have accidents there - you might find the company of other kids encourages her to emulate their behaviour, as we're seeing with our daughter, wanting to use the 'big toilet' like her brother.

    Good luck anyway, and it's only a stage - there'll be another challeng along soon!

  • I am trying to potty train my little 2 and a half year old daughter
    She just does not want to move on from pull ups we have tried asking her why she does not want to wear normal pants she did say that she was scared of the toilet even though we bought a little toilet for her to use her grandparents have not helped us or her as they have pressered
    Her to go to normal pants just because it would be better for them as they keep saying so and so is dry and not in pull ups she will be 3 in july and we are hopeing that she will be in normal pants before then for her to be a big girl we have tred the reward when she has done something but no interest what can we do to help her she also has a trainer seat for the big toilet and at both grandparents we do not like her being forced on to the toilet by her pappa just because his other granddaughter who is only one and a half not 2 till november is toilet trained am i doing something wrong with her i know this is a hard time for all to go through we only want her to be a happy girl like her friends
  • My only experience is training my son, who is now 5. We started him at 2 1/2, when he was emotionally ready, and responded to rewards by using the potty regularly. Have you tried a different reward - chocolate buttons might be more appealing than stickers, or a fruit juice drink, or a new crayon, or exciting new pants with princesses on, or something else she will actually want to earn? Also our son continued having accidents and 'dribbles' until he was over 4, as he wasn't physically ready, and no amount of encouragement can help that (though discouragement from the gramps probably isn't helping!). HE also didn't respond well to reminders - he could only 'go' when his body was absolutely ready, and is still no good at 'pre-emptive' tiddles e.g. before a journey.

    I would suggest letting her choose a potty she likes, especially for use at grandparents, finding somewhere suitable to put it that's private & comfy, re-educating them that she is not abnormal, and their attitude is a hindrance, trying to work out if there are any other underlying fears (my 2yr old daughter doesn't like the bathroom as she can't open the big, heavy door & fears being trapped in there, for example), encouraging her to use the potty regularly enough and for long enough so she doesn't have so many accidents, plus giving her easy clothing to remove (perhaps gramps aren't helping with clothing & she's getting frustrated/ caught short while she fights tights?). Als lots of general cudles & reassurance from you will always help soothe & relax her, that she's loved regardless. I also received a sample of 'dry like me' - they're like panty pads for kids, so a little dribble is contained to avoid embarassment  - might be useful?

    It is a difficult & frustrating time, but like everything, it will pass & the next hurdle will come! Keep supporting her, and she'll get there when her body is ready.

  • Hi Villanova
    We try the little packet of sweets if she has actualy done a wee wee
    Or poo not stickers she wears pull ups and all we would like is for her to be a happy big girl just like her friend who has just turned 3 in march she has a trainer potty just like a normal toilet like my friend
    Got her little girl we have tried her going with out her pull up on
    so she gets used to trying the potty like my friend has done she is not going to nursarey will be at school next year she is a very bright girl
    I wonder if she is scared to try we have also tried normal pants and did not tell her off for accidents as we know she is learning i am thinking would it be a good thing to try her in pants and only keep the pull ups for night time not sure what else i can do i do know that it is a hard time for both parents and child she may just not be ready for it yet how can you tell i am the only one with her in the day time so
    it is just a hard time for us do you have a problem changing your little girl if she is in pull ups or normal pants we struggle with her
    because she has stopped saying i need changing and will not let us do it i am stuck for what else i can do to help her i also feel very pressered by the grand parents telling me i have to put her on the toilet and she said i cant do it i am scared her pappa will not listern to what i say and just keeps demanding she does it he has spoken to her in frount of me and said DO YOU HEAR ME YOU HAVE TO TELL
    MUMMY YOU WANT THE TOILET THAT IS WHEN SHE SAID TO HIM I CANT I AM
    SCARED AND HE WOULD NOT LET GO HE DOES NOT SAY ENYTHING TO ME WHEN MY HUSBAND IS THERE WHAT CAN I DO NANNA HAS BEEN ON TO US TO JUST BECAUSE IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR WHEN SHE HAS HER THERE AND BECAUSE HER NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR AND FRIENDS HAVE ALL DONE IT NOW
  • Hi Nicolette

    Don't worry, every child is different, believe me, I am just about to have baby number six and they have all been ready at very different times, as others have suggested give her a little while back in pull ups, regarding nursery, there are still lots of children in pull ups at nursery.
    If it gets no better in say six months then I would definitely take her back to the doctor, my friends little boy constantly wet and she thought it was just because he was too engrossed in the activities he was doing but it turned out that there was actually something physical stopping him from feeling the need to go, but it was sorted very simply.

    Good Luck and try not to worry xxx
  • Hi i am sarah
    What can i do for my little girl we have tried to say just tell us when
    you need the potty but for some reason she does not want to go could she feel pressered in to useing it i am not sure what else we can try
  • Hi Sarah

    Really please don't worry, she will do it when she is ready and hard though it is, ignore the grandparents and any other people trying to pressure you! I have worked with children for 20 years now (OMG thats scary when on paper!) and as I say have three girls and two boys, not sure about number six yet! My youngest is 2 and a half, although she tells me when she has done a `big stinky poo' is not remotely interested in the toilet or potty. Regarding the younger granddaughter, I guarantee she will not stay dry, a friend of mine was so pleased when her son was dry at 18 months, and has not stopped moaning since he turned two that he is constantly wetting himself again.
    We are all different and do things at different times, just give her lots of praise and hugs when she manages to go on the toilet and try not to be negative when she has an accident, regarding treats and rewards, they work for some children, but it always makes them think they are in control and they soon realise they have the power!!

    Big hugs and do not worry, she is perfectly normal and you are doing a great job as a mum, in fact we all are, it is one of the most rewarding but hardest jobs EVER !!

    Mandi xxx
  • Hi Mandi
    Thanks for being so helpful to me so i am not doing anything wrong with
    Her she just needs to be ready and not forced to be trained what is scary when on paper is it what you read earlier on it feels like i can
    Not do anything right with her i always have to please the grandparents
    I am not allowed to upset my husbands mum but she can say what she likes to me and can hurt me my dad will not heaar what i have to say and will not let me bring her up my way thanks for helping me
    I feel better now love to hear from you again soon
    Big hugs and congratulations again
    SARAH
    CM for Cardiff
  • Scary on paper is that I have been working with children for 20 years! most definitely not what I have read. Regarding grandparents, I can guarantee I have the WORST in laws ever, but I just ignore them, I am quite a chilled person, guess some would say have to be having six, but I just love being a mum and so long as my children and husband are happy, I don't care what either set of grandparents have to say!

    Mandi

    CM Great Yarmouth and Waveney
  • Hi Mandi
    I am glad that i can talk to you and i now know i have someone to ask things why do the grandparents have to tell us how to bring a child up
    And they do not like what we do his mum wanted me to bring her up the way he was brought up that i did not want she wants to wrap her up in cotton wool and makes a big fuss if she falls and will not let her be a normal little girl she still gives her a baby fork
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