Help with training a 3 year old - also in toddler

Sorry, this will be a long one.

Reece was 3 a couple of weeks ago. I have tried over several months to train him without success. When we first got the potty he sat on it, weed, said mummy Ive weed in my potty and then refused to go near it since. If you try and place him on it he just fights with you.

I've previously had a package of care from the hv but she advised me to leave it as he was having nightmares about it. He is a very clever little boy - he can read all his letters and numbers, can count piles of things up to 10, and his speech is amazing, the hv at his 2 year check said he was like a 4 year old. I think he is using the potty to control me, and that he has realised that he is getting more attention by not going on it than going on it.

This week I've decided no more nappies and it ha been a nightmare. Not one wee on the potty. I've stayed really calm though, not shown anything negative to him. The first couple of days I have tried to coax him on the potty - bribary, things in it to wee on, sitting on my knee with the potty underneath, weeing in a bucket, weeing on a plant outside but he just wont tell me when he is weeing. The first few times he was holding it in as long as possible and then doing it, but as soon as he realised that he wasnt in trouble he just wee's when he wants. I've left him in wet pants - he isnt bothered. He now doesnt give any indication that he is doing it and then just tells me to clean it up. At first I was using kitchen roll and dettol spray but Ivestopped that because he likes spraying the spray. Now I'm using the mop but its not ideal as my 9 month old is crawling everywhere so I'm trying to keep her out of the wet floor.

I've tried saying that I expect more from him and he can do better than this, no difference. He is obsessed with touching my tummy and Ive told him that he can't touch it unless he goes on the potty. No difference. I've told him that I'm too titred to keep cleaning up mess, still not bothered.

Now I am ignoring what he is doing. When he wee's I change him without speaking to him at all and clean it up without any comment, so he is not getting any attention from me for this behaviour. Then I sit his sister on the potty and sing Amber's on the potty and do big cheers. He doesnt like this one little bit, but he still wont go near it.

When we go out, he is dry. He went to my dads for 4 hours on Tuesday and my dad told him that he didnt have anything to clean the floor with and he did one wee i the whole time when he was in the bath. We've been shopping and playschool and he has had no accidents, but when we are at home he can pee every 15 minutes! He has seen his little mates use the potty and the loo but thats not having any effect. He doesnt start preschool till Sept as he just missed the Jan cut off with his birthday and doesnt go to nursery.

I have honestly never met another child that is as stubbon as he is. He was doing really well with his manners until his great gran pulled him up on not saying please and has refused point blank to say please or thank you since. He says that he cant say it.

Ive rang the hv this morning but they havent rang back. Just wondering if anyone can see anything that I am doing wrong or has any suggestions to try over the weekend. His dad is off this weekend so its going to be like having 3 kids - he doesnt like it when things dont go right!!

Any advice would be much appreciated and sorry again that its so long. Jo xx