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Potty Training - feel like a total failure!!

Mollie has been potty training for just over a week now and things have got progressively worse rather than better. Since Friday she has only managed to use the potty twice although she did 'try' on a few occassions. If I'm honest I got sick of my own voice asking her if she wanted to wee only to be told 'No I'm fine Mummy'! Felt like a nagging Mummy.

She goes to childminders during the week and today she has used the potty four times and tried on two more occassions. Now I know it's all about peer pressure as there's a little boy at childmnders potty training too and its as if they compete with each other. And I do know when she is at childminders she tries because 'Mummy & Daddy will be sooo happy' but just feeling like a lazy mummy and a bit of a failure that she won't do it for me. Probably feeling bit upset as its the 1st time she's done something for childminder and not for me as well!

If anyone can suggest a way of encouraging her to use the potty at home as well as at childminders I'd be grateful.

Thanks, Liz


  • What about a reward chart with Stickers and then she may feel like doing it and let her know what the reward will be when she gets so many stars.
  • Hi hun, you havnt mentioned her age, which would probably influence my reply a lot.

    But My first thought when reading the first paragraph was "she's not ready" If after a week she is not progressing and it's becoming stressful, I would advise stopping. I first tried potty training DD approx 26months, and found the same as you, a week later we were no further forward. I stopped, and gave it 2months then tried again and the difference in her was amazing. She took to it like a duck to water the second time, and I realised that for each child there obviously does come a time when it just "clicks" and their brain connects with their bowel/bladder.

    It's great that she's going at her childminders, If you were to keep going with it, like Louise&Kara mentioned a sticker chart or similar might help.

    From my experience and that of many friends, I truely believe for most children it's best to leave it later, and the "training" can be acheieved within just days, that to start early and have a difficult few weeks or even months of teaching them what to do.


  • Thanks for the replies ladies. Yes I did wonder if we'd started a little too early (Mollie is 25 months) but what originally convinced me it was time was the fact that she ripped off her nappy one day sat on the potty and did a wee!!

    Childminder insists she wears pull ups whilst there and although I would prefer to just put her in 'proper' knickers and let her experience wet pants (!) as I've heard it works better I don't want to confuse her.

    Think what's really pushing me to get her potty trained is that we have another baby on the way in Nov and the thought of two of them in nappies isn't a nice one!

    Might see how we go this weekend - with added incentive of stickers.
    Thanks again, Liz
  • I personally disagree with the attitude of leave it later / til they're ready. With a little persistance she'll get there! Don't give yourself a hard time - you sound like you're doing great :\) it's like any mile stone there are wobbles and accidents along the way. You've only been going for one week and I remember feeling exactly the same one week but 2 days later he had it! - Im so glad I didn't give up and think 'he's not ready'. PT is the area most parents dread the most and there's good reason for it! :lol: But think of the positives: no expensive nappies, only one in nappies & you're LO will feel so proud. LO 2 yr check HV was surprised that at 2yr4mnths Lo was in pants. I told her that I disagreed with the attitude of leave it and they'll do it in a couple of days, I think it's the nappy companies in developed countries pushing this attitude, in developing countries PT happens sooo much earlier. Finally (and I don't meant o be disrepectful to other parents as you are the ones that know your children best and it is ultimately up to you how you choose to parent) but I think that SOME - not ALL but SOME parents are lazy.
  • I think it depends on the child - my lo was 28 months when we tried and succeeded in the space of a weekend. Within another few days we were able to take her night time nappies off too. Since then we have had one daytime accident and none at night. We have also bypassed the potty and gone straight to the toilet so it's much easier.
    My friend did it around the age of 2 and her child frequently (more ofthen than not, daily) has accidents. That to me is not toilet training, it's remembering to remind them to go all the time.
    If she's capable of being dry at the childminders then she should be able to with you too so perhaps some sort of reward chart would be benificial in this case.
  • I think the first thing I would question is the pull ups - you are paying for your childminders' services, IMO potty training should be done your way. As a childminder you sign up for dirty pants and so on!!! My mil was a childminder for years and she always did potty training without pull ups. I do think they confuse children as they are just like wearing a nappy. Reward charts are good, we're using one for my 26 months DS as we need to stop co-sleeping and it is working quite well. I personally do agree that sometimes the child isn't ready. My DS isn't ready, but we are taking it slow getting him to sit on the potty x
  • toby is 28 months and still not ready have tried a few time but lots of accident and only one wee on the potty. i don't belive in the pushing los hard to be potty trained as with walking and sitting up los will do it when their ready.toby is my 3rd with first out of nappys at 2year 2months secoud 2 years 3 months so toby is still in nappys not due to lazyness but cause i know his just not ready
  • toby is 28 months and still not ready have tried a few time but lots of accident and only one wee on the potty. i don't belive in the pushing los hard to be potty trained as with walking and sitting up los will do it when their ready.toby is my 3rd with first out of nappys at 2year 2months secoud 2 years 3 months so toby is still in nappys not due to lazyness but cause i know his just not ready
  • hi there, I tried with my ds when he was a little over 2 and no he WAS NOT ready and I am not a lazy mum!! I truly believe you can't force a child when they aren't ready and I know several mum's who did potty train early only for lo's to regress back when they were in their 3's.

    I tried again a few weeks ago when lo was 32months and we cracked it within 5 days, he's been dry during day and for naps for 3 weeks now. okay he'll still have occasional accident when he's too busy and not concentrating.

    Don't stress about it honey, it will come for her eventually
  • I tried potty training Lily at 2yrs as I had a baby on the way and didnt like the thought of 2 sets of nappies. It failed completely as she wasnt ready. She is now 30 months old and has been potty trained for about a month (dry during the day that is!).
    A month ago I thought I would have another go because she kept getting the stuff to change her nappy and setting it up whenever she had a dirty bum. I got a nice sticker chart with her name on and told her that she would get 1 sticker for a wee and 2 for a poo. She never got a sticker for just sitting on the potty. The minute I told her what was happening she toddled off and did a wee on the potty.

    When the chart was complete she got a trip to the zoo. She would have got this day out anyway before we started potty training but it gave her an extra incentive!

    We have had our fair share of 'accidents' but that is only really when she is engrossed in something or tired.

    Plus this morning she woke up with a dry nappy having asked for the loo at 3am this morning.

    Gotta say I took a very relaxed approach this time and really didnt worry as I also have a 10 week old baby at home.

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