hurtful bump size comments, how did you deal with it?

i was out with my friends at the weekend 1 is also pregnant and we were comparing bump sizes. compared to hers im quite a lot bigger but i thought i was small image we are both 18 weeks.  my other friend said maybe im carrying more fluids or its going to be a fat baby.  this really upset me cos it was like she was saying im fat.   im only 5'2 and size 12 so i guess its going to show quicker.

how did you cope with comments when you were expecting? its really bugged me for days now and feel so fed up now image

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  • Unfortunately people think being pregnant means they can say what they like and it won't be hurtful. I remember getting v fed up with all the comments last time I was pg and it has been just as bad this time but not letting it get to me ( it does get worse as you get bigger I'm afrraid!). The way I see it is that big bumps are healthy bumps and us smaller ladies always show more as there isn't enough space to spread it all out! So what if you do put on a few lbs in pregnancy, you are keeping the baby safe and warm and it really is no one else's business. It should be one of the only times you don't have to worry about such things so I'd smile sweetly and ignore them, safe in the knowledge you'll be back in your pre pregnancy jeans in a year and be a fabulous yummy mummy! Xx
  • Maybe she's jealous of your bump?! I can't wait to get pregnant and to have a bump to show off. I already know that one of my sisters is planning to call me a pot bellied dwarf as I'm only 5'1 and she's nearly 6', but she's a cowbag so I'll be ignoring her! image
  • thank you both! you've put a smile on my face again now!! and you're right Deeders, i should be proud of it and i am!

    Love the nickname you're going to have! think i'll adopt it if you dont mind?!

    Just wish people would keep their big nosey self opinionated noses out :/

    thank you ladies image

  • Hi, just to let you know that even if you do have a big bump throughout pregnancy, it really doesn't reflect what size baby you're going to have. People would say to me "oh my god you're huge" (referring to bump) or "thats gona be one big baby" etc and I didn't even think I had a particularly big bump, just quite high up. Well my dd arrived a week late weighing 8lb 2oz. I'm 5'8" and broad, so considering that and tje fact she was a week late thats not huge! Also, with my first, the midwife examined me when I was in labour and said baby would be around 9lb - he was 7lb 10! Dont worry about these insecure people! They probably only say things like that to make themselves feel better. MyBs xx
  • Thanks myBs im glad its not just me who's had the comments. why do people do it? its sad and very thoughtless.

    is a high bump a girl and a low bump a boy? i cant remember which way round it is!

  • Glad that you're smiling and of course you can pinch the nickname if you like. She used to call me Hobbit until she discovered that I liked it as the have second breakfasts and elevenses! Hehehe! One of my friend used to face paint picture on her bump and take photos for when her little ones were older. My fav was when she did a big smiley world. image
  • hi dippyrose i work with pregnant women and have lost count of how many get upset for being told they are too big, too small, etc etc. its as if the general public are all experts! A major thing to do with it is your height -  a shorter mummy will have a baby that comes out more because it cant be as hidden in her torso. it does not mean you are fat/your baby is fat/you're having twins etc etc. When i was pregnant i had a little bump and was told over and over i wasnt looking after myself. my bubba was 8lb 13 oz, im tall! ignore the lot of them. celebrate your wonderful body for growing a lovely baby and feel sorry for them that they havent got anything better to do than torment pregnant women - probably just jealous x

  • Dippyrowse - I think thats what they say, high for a girl and low for a boy, and that certainly was the case for me! But lots of people say its about muscle tone etc and I would tend to agree with them, except my first was the low down boy and second the high up girl, and my stomach muscles were definately not more toned second time round!! X
  • I got upset about comments during my first pg, but Ds1 was 3weeks early and 8lb2 so not surprising i was big! It does have a lot to do with height and the strength of your stomach muscles. We are all different shape and sizes normally, so we Will be different pg too. I am 5f5 and size 8-10. However my pg show straight away and i become all bump. With Ds2 i was enormous but kinda knew He was going to be a big baby. My friend was 4weeks ahead of me with twins. She is 5f9 and sporty plus her first pg. Until she was 35w my bump was bigger than hers! I found it funny tho. Just think you are growing a person. That is amazing! I went on to have a 10lb baby and she had 2 5lb babies, so no wonder we were similar. This time i have been showing since 9-10w. Hoping not to get as big. But i am ready for the comments. People are mostly shocked when they know i had a 10lb baby naturally. Soon shuts them up lol! Good luck and remember the miracle in your belly. Sod everyone else. Try not get upset. Xxx
  • Im just starting to get this from people.

    Im 20 weeks today and already had a bit of a tum before falling pregnant, im 5ft 7ins and size 16-18.

    I dont feel as though i have a bump just a fat belly lol. Im sick of people staring at my tum wondering whats going on down there!!

  • This subject is something that always makes me so angry. I will share my story with you in the hope that it makes you feel a bit better!

    When I got pregnant I carried a lot of fluid in the early stages and was in maternity trousers at 11 weeks! My hubby's grandma actually said to me when I was four months; 'you are plonking on all this weight and you still have so long to go! You are going to be huge and its not fair on the baby'. I posted pictures of my growing bump on facebook and the amount of 'you are huge, that baby is going to be a monster!' comments I got were just silly. It all really upset me and I had to work really hard to ignore people and keep eating well. At a time when I should have been on top of the world I felt more self concious than ever about what I was eating. Having suffered from an eating disorder in my teens I started to get anxious that I would relapse. However, there was this driving force within me to eat well for my baby and I am proud to say that I managed to steer clear of any ED related issues. Anyway, by the time I got to about 7 months I was being critised by the very same people who called me fat for being too thin!! The fluid retention stopped and the water weight went away and what I was left with was a lovely neat bump. However, I still had people make comments if I ate something fattening about how I shouldnt 'eat for two', and then in the next breath someone would make a comment about how my bump was far too small and my baby would be tiny. My mother in law accused me of not eating properly because I couldnt manage to eat all of a giant sized dinner she had cooked me. The reality was that once I got to about 7 months I couldnt handle big meals because there was a baby pressing on my tummy! I suffered from really bad acid reflux so I ate 4 small meals a day plus two snacks. I ate healthily, but to be honest, no more healthily than I usually do - I still had a packet of crisps every day and the occasional chocolate bar. Anyway, my midwife reassured me that my bump was small but still normal and my weight gain was in the normal range. For every person that said my bump was too small, there was always someone who would watch me eat and make a 'eating for two' comment. I felt like I couldnt win. However, I went on to have a 7lb 15oz baby - so not tiny like everyone predicted. The only thing I can say is that you need to find a way to handle the comments because even after the baby is born they do not stop. I lost my baby weight quickly and have been critised for that too! Never mind the fact that my daughter had colic and I couldnt put her down for three months. I struggled to eat because I was struggling with my baby and spent a large portion of the day holding in a wee whilst I walked the living room floor crying with a screaming baby! When ever any one saw me, the only thing anyone would comment on was my weight! It has driven me mad! I wouldnt mind if I was super skinny, but I am a size 10! I was a size 10-12 before I got pregnant and now I am a little bit smaller. The way people talk you would think I was a size 0 or something! The only real advice I have is ignore anyone who doesnt pay you a compliment! x

  • Thanks for sharing that Glitterbug, I can totally relate, the second you find out your pregnant everyone thinks its their god given right to comment on your weight gain, what you eat and bump size! I have been really shocked with how blatant people have been with me.

    If I eat healthily I get "make sure you eat enough for your baby" if I relax and have a weekend off i get "she is "enjoying" her pregnancy isnt she"... I cant win.

    I am tall and broad so I was surprised that I showed in my pregnancy early, I have a big bump and look as big as a few people I know who are a month ahead of me.  I wasnt expecting that with being tall. I gain weight quite fast between weeks 10 - 22 but its slowed down now and stayed pretty stable since.

    I live on diets so when we found out I was pregnant I ate whatever I fancied for teh first trimester, i gained weight and realised I was eating too much, so I now eat very healthily but if I fancy something I will have it and relax more on weekends. I am making sure I get my reccomended calories and that most (not all) is really healthy stuff for the baby.. I do indulge in a packet of crisps every day (healthiest I can get like quavers, skips, baked varities etc) and a biscuit... the rest I eat is fairly healthy - meat, fish, salad, veg, rice, new potatoes, all bran cereal, brown bread etc...

    I havent felt however that I can eat what I like as everyone has really been open / forward with what I should / shouldnt be doing. Ive even been told I shouldnt get stretchmarks!!! (like I can control that?!).

    You name the comment about a bump size I have had it! "wow it must be twins", or "you sure you have your dates right?" or "you look like you are about to drop" or "I was never that big with my pregnancy" or "you are going to have a BIG baby" or my favourite "you know all that weight wont come off afterwards"...

    im learning to just ignore it but its not fair, I have voxwed to never comment on a ladies bump EVER again after this experience as when you are feeling the most vulnerable and self concious about the changes to your body you dont need every person having a go, whether they mean it badly or not.

    Right rant over! ha ha!

    But trust me you are not on your own and try not to let anything anyone says bother you image

    xxx

  • i just tried to take it as a positive.  i;'d wanted to be pg for so long i was excited to be showing and just saw all the comments i was growing a lovely place that was comfortable for my little boy!!! anyway despite being massive and gaining four stone!!!! my boy was only 7 pounds 5 and a half so not a problem for him!!!

    People do think they can give their opinion but just be proud fo that bump and worry about any weight loss after xxx

  • Aww some people are so rude! I'm currently 36+5 and am luckily all bump (still in pre preg trousers - no idea how!) but am pretty big out front. I'm 5'4 so bump had nowhere to go but out! A friend of mine was 6 weeks ahead of me and had put weight on all over and had a huge bump. She is tall and hubby is 6'7 so everyone used to compare us and make her feel awful. It made me so angry! Theyd go on and on about how massive her baby would be and how she had obviously stuffed her face to be that huge! She ended up having a 7'4 baby!! People think because you're preg they can comment on your weight openly without upsetting u! Another friend had a massive bump but no other weight gain and went to tescos the week she was due. The cashier was a larger lady and asked when she was due then told her she was massive! She was so sick of people telling her that she turned round and said "well at least next week I'll be thin again and you'll still be fat!" that shut her up!!
  • We are all different shapes and sizes and no 2 bumps will look the same!

    Me and my best friend are 2 weeks apart and have totally different shaped bumps.

    I have only gained a stone but because i was small to start off with, i have a beach ball shape bump that sticks out and people keep commenting on the size of it! I just retort that it hasn't got anywhere else to go other than stick out! I have not spread anywhere else and am wearing size 8 maternity clothes!

  • Oh hun people are horrible aren't they! Like the others have said no two bumps are the same and you're petite to begin with so of course you're going to show, there's nowhere else for baby to grow but outwards! Your friend sounds like a nobber. Don't let one silly comment get you down, enjoy your pregnancy and just remember you know you're doing the best for your baby. I'm not far enough for bump comments but fully expect them from some of my less tactful family members!xx
  • Sounds like shes a bit jealous of ur bump... Its nice to have a nice big healthy bump to show off and be proud off... every body is different, and tbh every bump is different... Both my pregnancies I carried very differently, both different shapes and most deffinatly different sizes... as were/are my babies... Try to just ignore these comments and enjoy ur bump for being ur bump... ignore all those who feel their experts with a godgiven right to comment image xxx

    Mand x

  • Did you know some of the comment on this post was featured in this months mag???

  • Yeah I saw that, I was like "I know those names, where do i know them?!" Took me ages to work it out!xx
  • Hi Sian, how are you doing? Xx
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