Unplanned Pregnancy ... Husband not happy at all :(
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to have a little rant here as I am quite upset and feel that my husband and I are in a bit of a predicament.
Brief backstory - I have a 10 yo daughter from previous relationship and we have a 6yo daughter and an almost 5yo son together. We have been together for 9 years and married for 2 years (I found out about this pregnancy on our anniversary earlier this week). We had no plans to expand our family - esp with our youngest going to school full time in September.
I found out earlier this week that I am pregnant, by my dates I am guessing that I am 4-5 weeks gone. I mulled over the information for a couple of days, just trying to get my head round it before I told hubby (knowing that he would react negatively) and then told him last night.
He is not best pleased with the situation and has made it abundantly clear that he thinks the best solution would be a termination. He realises that I don't find it as cut and dry as that, and stated himself that he 'knows the choice essentially is not down to him'.
I explained how I felt and that though I know that having another baby is not particularly sensible or practical (having gone through all the logical stuff in my mind over the previous couple of days) it doesn't make me feel like I can justify a termination.
[I fell pregnant with my first born at 16, in an unhappy relationship. Then our first child together was unplanned and ill-timed. However, I couldn't go through with a termination either of those times and when I see my beautiful girls I am so glad I made the choice that I did]
I am worried that if I went through with a termination, a decision that doesn't sit comfortably with me, I would end up resenting him in the long run. But obviously, it kind of works both ways - if he feels so strongly against it, will he eventually resent me for keeping a baby he never wanted?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I could really do with someone to talk to at the moment as this is getting me down - I love my husband dearly, I know he loves me too and he doesn't have any intentions to walk away over this - and I know he wont force me into anything - but how do I get my head round this, because now I am sitting feeling like the bad guy as I feel like I am giving him no choice in the matter?
x ~ L ~ x
Replies
I'm so sorry hun I can't really help but didn't want to read and Run. follow ur heart xx
Do whats right for you, follow your heart x
Sorry if I sound biased or blunt, I'm waiting to mc my 9 week baby.
Think about how you will feel towards your dh in years to come if you terminate.
Then think about how he will feel towards the baby once he/she is born.
Both these points mean really the decision is up to you because I'm sure once the baby comes along, his feelings will change....he's hardly going to resent his own child. So you should only terminate if you feel that's the right thing to do for BOTH of you, not just him. Best of luck, I hope you both come to a resolution xx
Hope you come to a united decision, you didn't get pregnant on your own , and it's not as if you planned it to happen , as you said you have had a couple of days to let it sink in , you know your husband better than anyone else , hopefully he will come round , you have to make the decision together , I really feel for you , when we were considering another child a friend said to me - you will never regret a child you have but you might regret not having the child you think you might want - I wish you the best of luck hun x x
I think you need to think about your husbands feelings too..I ultimately it is your decision as it it your body but you and your husband are a partnership and he would be an important part of the child's life (if you decide to continue with the pregnancy). There is no right or wrong answer really, consider all aspects of your life, financial, environmental etc! Good luck
My hubby and I wanted/planned to have two children. But things are not as easy as planning them.
We had huge fertility issues, my daughter now 5, was conceived after 3 IVFs. 4 failed treatments and 3 miscarriages since resulted in lots of anger, grief, resentment, depression, councelling, etc. I was close to breaking point and giving up on life...
My hubby is 10years my senior (turning 45 soon) and he didn't want to continue trying. we agreed to celebrate our beautiful girl and not focus on what "could have been". We even went on the pill to prevent the even inconceivable.
He is an amazing dad, giving his all to his girl.
To our surprise I found out a week ago I'm pregnant. What a miracle!!! I am delighted and also scared... BUT, hubby is not happy, he is not acknowledging the prospect of another child at all.
I hope he also comes around. We have many risks, hence the earlier miscarriages, but I believe God gave us this miracle, and He will help us overcome our fears. He will not give us more than we can handle.
From my point of view: it is not easy to conceive, each pregnancy and child born is a miracle. We need to celebrate that.
Good luck to all
Thank you
It is obviously a difficult situation to be in. You have to respect his wishes, just as he has to respect yours and your body too. Men can be a bit extreme in their reactions. When we found out I was expecting (a very much planned and wanted baby) it came as a shock to both of us as we didnt believe I could conceive. My hubby went off into his cave for a few days, grumbling and saying he needed to get used to it and now, in his own way, he is and is talking about it.
Give him time, he might feel different once it's sunk in for him. Something someone said to me when I was worried my DH wasnt happy was that we women instantly attach ourselves to the being inside us, whereas for men it's different.
Good luck whatever you decide between you x
Hi ladies, I feel for all of you. I can imagine being in your situation. I must say thought that I do agree that you both have to respect each others opinions. It is important too to really understand your husbands reason for NOT wanting another baby. Is it money, free time, etc? Also, the biggest mistake you can make...in my opinion of course... is to terminate a pregnancy FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Please make the decision for yourself. You are blessed with another baby. If your husband loves you, he may not like your decision to keep it now, but will love the baby once he/she is born. If he really loves you, he won't divorce you after this. If that is something you are worried about, then you probably have bigger things to worry about. All in all, please just make the decision based on what your heart tells you... like these other ladies said. Good luck!
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