NOT what I planned...HELP!
Hope you are keeping well. Let me start by saying I never thought that I would find myself writing something like this. I am one of those women who thought 'it would never happen' to me - yet - here I am - just over 7 weeks pregnant - unplanned - unexpected - unsure of what to do. I would just like a little advice because to be honest I am scared about the whole thing.
I have never had a 'motherly' instinct, I don't have any young family members and feel a bit stupid talking to children in a childish tone. I held a baby once and it started crying and that just added to my conviction that me and kids, just don't get on!
That aside, I recently completed my degree and gained first class and a few prizes along the way. I still want to do my masters next year and think a baby will be a big obstacle in obtaining this - i'm already feeling tired, sick, in pain and it is just seven weeks in - how will i be next month when I balloon up further? Or the month after - and then there is the inevitable birth itself - OUCH! That freaks me out so much.
I work full time and so does my partner, he says he will support me no matter what my decision and I am aware of the seriousness of this.
My head tells me to forget about having a baby right now - I am 25 - and concentrate on my studies while I am young and free free FREE! But my heart tells me that perhaps now is good a time as any, that I can juggle studies with a baby - as do many lecturers (which is what I want to be!) - and that I put myself in this situation - it is not fair to take away a life because of my foolishness.
I may sound a little cold here but I am just trying to express how utterly confused I am about this decision. I am a self-affirmed feminist and believe strongly in Education and wanted to provide my future child with a financially stable household - i have money now - but not enough to give my child the life that I imagined.
Have you been in this situation? Am I crazy or stupid? Am I selfish? What should I do? Will I regret having a child at this age - what is having a baby really like? Will I be better off without a baby?
Thank you so much sisters x