NOT what I planned...HELP!

Hi all,

Hope you are keeping well. Let me start by saying I never thought that I would find myself writing something like this. I am one of those women who thought 'it would never happen' to me - yet - here I am - just over 7 weeks pregnant - unplanned - unexpected - unsure of what to do. I would just like a little advice because to be honest I am scared about the whole thing.

I have never had a 'motherly' instinct, I don't have any young family members and feel a bit stupid talking to children in a childish tone. I held a baby once and it started crying and that just added to my conviction that me and kids, just don't get on!

That aside, I recently completed my degree and gained first class and a few prizes along the way. I still want to do my masters next year and think a baby will be a big obstacle in obtaining this - i'm already feeling tired, sick, in pain and it is just seven weeks in - how will i be next month when I balloon up further? Or the month after - and then there is the inevitable birth itself - OUCH! That freaks me out so much.


I work full time and so does my partner, he says he will support me no matter what my decision and I am aware of the seriousness of this.


My head tells me to forget about having a baby right now - I am 25 - and concentrate on my studies while I am young and free free FREE! But my heart tells me that perhaps now is good a time as any, that I can juggle studies with a baby - as do many lecturers (which is what I want to be!) - and that I put myself in this situation - it is not fair to take away a life because of my foolishness.

I may sound a little cold here but I am just trying to express how utterly confused I am about this decision. I am a self-affirmed feminist and believe strongly in Education and wanted to provide my future child with a financially stable household - i have money now - but not enough to give my child the life that I imagined.

Have you been in this situation? Am I crazy or stupid? Am I selfish? What should I do? Will I regret having a child at this age - what is having a baby really like? Will I be better off without a baby?


Thank you so much sisters x image


  • Any one? I am feeling so confused here...

  • Hello Jencat123 and welcome to BabyExpert.

    We're sorry no one's been able to help you out yet. It might be an idea to post your question in our Support forum.

    Hope, with BXers' help, you can find the answers you're searching for.

  • Jencat123,

    I will be very honest with you and please forgive me if I sound rude! But there are lot of ladies who would give up everything in the world for a healthy pregnancy and a baby (including me!) and you come on here asking whether you should go for an abortion? Very insensitive, immature and extremely stupid! If you don't want babies then don't have SEX for god's sake!!!!

    We are trying hard to get pregnant and then people like you come on here and type a long message about wanting an abortion???? WTF?

    Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do! Seems like you have already made your mind up!


  • We'll move this thread over to our Support topic now.

    sweetjudy21, we do feel for you and we do understand how upset this has made you.

    We're sure, though, that Jencat123 didn't mean to upset you: she's new and she's obviously not sure where to post.

    Hopefully, moving the thread will mean you don't have to see it any more - and will give Jencat123 somewhere to sort her feelings out.

  • Hi I am not going to judge you hun although what ever the circumstances I couldn't do what you are thinking. I do think you really need to think hard about this decision as if you abort it will be likely to haunt you ive known a few people who have done it and know they regret it! You sound like a very strong person with a supportive partner. If you wanted to I don't see why you couldn't juggle both. Also I'd say there is never a perfect time to have a baby

    Good luck it seems you have a tough decision ahead of you
  • I think you need to think very carefully. What if you have an abortion then try for a baby 'when the time is right' and it doesn't happen? How will you feel about this baby if you abort it and then go on to have other children? I don't believe there is ever a right time to have a baby - there is always something in life that can make it seem like a bad time, for you right now it's uni and your masters, in a couple if years it'll be the progression in your career and so on and so on until it's too late or you realise that there is no perfect time. As for money trust me all a baby, young child needs is attention and love and those are free - essentials can be done on a budget. Finally not everyone has maternal instincts but it is so different with your own child - you don't need to do baby talk etc you develop your own way of doing things.  As a 30 year old who spent 2 long years trying before finally falling pregnant though I'm bias, I also have strong views against abortion and like you said in your post if you get pregnant then you should take responsibility for that but ultimately it makes no difference what anyone says on here because you have to make the best decision for you and one that you can live with because whether you keep the baby or not is a decision that will affect the rest if your life. 

  • Hi jencat,

    ive never been in your position so not sure how much help I will be.  I've just turned 26 and have been trying for a baby over a year.  We have just found out we will probably need ivf.

    my advice would be to think very carefully.  Think about the future. What if you tried in the future and couldn't concieve again?  I know a lot of this is based on what ifs, but they are worth taking into consideration. whatever your decision, it will be life changing.

    im not sure there is ever a perfect time to have a baby.  My husband and I aren't made of money and I now work reduced hours due to a chronic pain condition.  Then again, im broody as heck and being a mummy is my lifes ambition. Thats my choice as this is yours.

    as maxsmummy says, the most valuable things you can give your child are attention and love.

    wishing you luck as you have a lot going on right now and a huge decision in front of you. 


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