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My pregnancy after stillbirth at 26 weeks!

Hi girls, I've just signed up so not sure if I'm doing this right but here goes!

I wrote a blog post on my stillbirth story which I'm going to copy and paste here, so if it doesn't make sense in some spots it was directed to friends and family! Feel free to ask questions though! Sorry that it's so long..


My story starts on January 18th 2013 when I did a pregnancy test and surprise surprise it came back positive,  but for my baby her story had started 8 weeks ago.  Being only 17 this was such a shock for me and I was so scared, I think I would have still been petrified even if I was 30 to be honest, I'd heard so many horror stories of pregnancy loss I knew I would never be able to deal with it. The second I saw that positive pregnancy test I loved my baby with everything I had.   My pregnancy went well, at my 12 week scan I found out that I was actually 15 weeks which was great because I couldn't wait to meet my baby and that just cut off 3 weeks. I had no morning sickness other than vomiting once on christmas morning (I had no idea why) and then once when I was about 16 weeks. I put on no weight which was surprising because I was eating a lot, but I've never been able to put on weight. Thats a whole other story!   I absolutely hated the thought of even going near McDonalds and the thought of eating a burger or anything from there made me need to vomit. Smells were way too overwhelming for me that I even had to buy roll on deoderant and stop wearing perfume altogether because it as just uhhh, too much!   At 18 weeks exactly I started to feel little kicks, it was the most amazing feeling ever and one I will never forget.  Time seemed to be flying by and before I knew it, I was 20 weeks pregnant and heading to my 20 week scan. They checked everything and my baby was absolutely perfect, SHE was perfect. I was so surprised as I swore I was having a boy.   One week later as I set up her tallboy that I'd bought that day I noticed I hadn't felt her kick like normal, me being the google freak that I am, googled it. Most answers said 'oh 21 weeks my baby did that too and she's fine' or 'go get checked just to make sure' so I did just that. A midwife used a doppler to try and find the heartbeat, after about half an hour she assured me everything was fine and sent me home, even though we hadn't heard the heartbeat clearly she told me that she was obviously close to my back and hard to find, which explained the pain I'd had earlier that day.   I went home happy to be reassured, but I was still a little scared. I drank cold water, orange juice, jumped around but I felt nothing. She had been a very active baby, I knew something wasn't right.   3 weeks went by (no movement, but I had been reassured everything was okay so I believed that everything was okay) I went to my 24 week appointment, my sister came with me. A new midwife did all the normal stuff, she organised for me to have my glucose test done, all that. She did a doppler also, but she couldn't find the heartbeat. She then also reassured me that everything was fine and it was normal. I knew that nothing was normal about it, but I trusted them to know what they were talking about.   On the 25th of May 2013 I had my 26 week appointment, I had a midwife who was so enthusiastic and asked if I wanted to see my baby. My mum was with me at this appointment and was concerned about me not feeling movement. We went into the ultrasound room and there was my baby, curled up in a little ball right down the bottom. The midwife told me she might have just been sleeping, I told her that i'd felt no movements so she called in a midwife that had been a midwife for 20 years.   She seemed so busy, she came in, looked at the screen for 2


  • She seemed so busy, she came in, looked at the screen for 2 seconds and said 'yeah there's the heartbeat' and off she went to attend to other people.   I felt better that the midwife with 20 years experience could see the heartbeat, my midwife told me if I was still worried to come back up that night. My sister acted so concerned that it scared me so I did go up that night...   I walked into the same room that I had been in that day, where I was told everything was fine and her heartbeat was there.  Another midwife used the doppler, then the ultrasound machine. She went out of the room to get the head midwife and it wasn't until then when my boyfriend (my baby's father) asked, 'is she okay?' that it actually hit me that something actually might not be right, she might not be okay.  The head midwife came in looking concerned and sympathetic and tried with the ultrasound machine. All I seen was my baby on the screen, not moving. I saw the midwife trying so hard to find the little flicker of a heartbeat, I knew it wasn't there I just didn't want to believe it.   What happened next was just like straight out of a movie, she hung up the scanner, held my leg which was shaking with fear, and said gently, 'I'm so sorry darl, your baby isn't moving and doesn't have a heartbeat'...   My whole world suddenly jolted and I felt dizzy, hot, and confused. I just said 'okay'. I didn't know what the hell had just happened. People don't lose babies when they're 26 weeks pregnant. I had seen her a few weeks ago and she was perfect. She was so fucking perfect. All these stupid thoughts ran through my head as I lay there frozen on the bed, my boyfriend was crying and asking if there was anything we could do to make sure. The midwifes left us for a minute.   I text my mum who was frantically texting me asking for updates, my boyfriend called his mum and she came up to the hospital. I wasn't crying, I was frozen. My mum, sister and 4 year old niece rushed up to be with me, it wasn't until then when I seen my mum crying, so worried and shocked that it hit me and I started bawling my eyes out as she hugged me.    I went home and cried and cried, before we left my mum spoke to the midwifes who explained to her what would happen next. When I got home I decided I wanted to know so my mum called me and told me everything, that I would have to naturally give birth to my baby girl, I would have to dress her, I would have to hold her tiny body in my arms while she grew cold, I would have to name my dead child.    I didn't sleep at all obviously, I stayed up all night crying and rubbing my belly and whispering to her. At 10am I was back at that stupid hospital and was induced into labour. It fucking hurt. I was an emotional wreck, all I kept thinking was that my baby is dead and I didn't know what I was doing, I was scared. I was hooked up to machines, I was getting drugs put in my arm, in my stomach and in other places. They gave me drugs to help with the pain but that only helped with the physical pain.    I heard healthy babies crying, just down from where I was and all I kept thinking was that the mother of that baby probably has no idea how lucky she is.    At 7:25PM on the 26th of May 2013 my daughter Ella Renee was born. She didn't take her first breath, she didn't cry. A part of me thought that the midwifes and doctors had made a mistake and she was going to come out kicking and screaming but she didn't. Her skin was brown from being gone for a few weeks, she had long long legs and perfect little fingers and toes, she was so tiny but she was so beautiful.   They made handprints and foot prints with her, then wrapped her up in a blanket and passed her to me. I was so overwhelme
  • I was so overwhelmed and drugged up that I wasn't even sad, I was making jokes about apples and laughing away with my family that was in the room who were all very upset.   They asked me if I knew what was going on and deep down I was in excruciating pain, it felt like my heart had been ripped out from me.    Everyone held her and we took so many photos, then the midwifes took her and put her in a fridge for the night to preserve her as we were going to have a post-mortem examination done to find out what went wrong. The thought of my daughter being in a fridge killed me. This was all so fucked up.   That night I woke up every 5 minutes crying, my boyfriend stayed in the room with me on a fold up bed, I tried to wake him because I was so upset but he just rolled over so I cried to myself all night. I was so exhausted from labouring all day, but sleep wasn't happening.   The next day was almost the hardest day for me, as I knew that was the day I would leave hospital and say goodbye to my beautiful girl for the last time. The midwife brought her to us in the morning and we held her and took more photos, I cried and cried. I had time alone with her and told her that I was so sorry that this happened to her, I cuddled her and told her that I loved her, and then I said goodbye for the last time, my tears fell onto her delicate skin. The midwife came and took her and she was gone. I was never going to see her again.   I went home and what happened when I was home is a whole other story. It was not good. We packed up her nursery which was pretty close to being finished, that was hard.   We also got the post-mortem results back and they revealed that her body was absolutely perfect, there was not a thing wrong with her. But, the placenta had formed a blood clot between it and the wall of my uterus, cutting off her supply from me. It felt better knowing what went wrong, but I just wanted her back. It also made me wonder if there was anything that I could have done. Thinking about that stuff drove me crazy.
  • **sorry that it's so long I didn't realise it was novel long! An update on my story is that the guy I was with turned out to be cheating on me before my pregnancy, during my pregnancy and while I was at home alone mourning the loss of our child a few days after I gave birth to her. Was a horrible thing to go through but I moved on quick smart because I knew it wasn't my fault. Its almost a year and a half later and my boyfriend now (we've been friends for 4 years and together for 9 months!) are 13 weeks pregnant with a new baby! I'm super excited, very scared but keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy. Thanks for reading my story and hope to chat with you ladies soon! 

  • Such a sad story I'm so sorry. I hope u get ur happy ending Hun x

  • Thank you for sharing your story, Ella has a very brave Mum indeed.

    I lost my son Ethan and gave birth via induced labour last Thursday. I found out at week 20 that he no longer had a heartbeat. The hospital were really great, but I am walking around under a very dark cloud at the moment, feeling very lost without him.

    I am really pleased to hear that you are expecting again and I wish you all the very best.

    Take care



  • Such a strong girl for telling your story xxx I too had a still born at 36 weeks on July 29th 2014 My little girl Evié she was just perfect too postmortem results said there was no cause of death at all they said it could have happend at any time like she could have been born and she maybe would have died with sids its been a hard strugle for us Iam only 22 but i felt exactly like you I was frozen Numb trying to do anything to take my mind off the situation then the next day boom it a hit me like a ton of bricks the shittest hardest heartbreaking feeling the pain hurted so bad! But I'm 13weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby Iam terrified bit I'm sure lightening won't strike on me twice xx God bless and hope everything goes well for you xxxxx

  • My heart goes out to you! I absolutely can understand your nerves being rattled this pregnancy but I know many women who had a stillbirth then went on to give birth to a healthy baby. I would say embrace your anxiety and say " it's ok for me to feel this way but I have hope and the baby will be ok and we will get thru this".  Also every pregnancy is different.I am in a similar situation. A few months ago I went to a routine baby check up at 24 weeks and they found no heart beat. My heart sank. I couldn't believe it. My baby had passed away 3 weeks prior and I didn't even know it and had to deliver a still born baby. We actually just found out I am 10 weeks pregnant! I am still haunted, hurt and confused why it happened but find comfort in knowing that the love I had for my baby will never fade even tho she's not here. Everything will be ok! 🤗
  • If you don't mind me asking- was the bleed called a subchorionic hematoma?
    Very brave for sharing your story! <3
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