3 yr old behaviour help please

I'm really struggling just now so this could be epic!

L is 3 yrs 9 months. His behaviour is getting worse and worse. I know a lot of it is down to tiredness but this has been a problem literally since the day he was born. He is generally up 4 times a night just now - between midnight and 5am. He tries to come into our bed which we are now not allowing due to the baby coming, the fact he wants to sleep to top of me and basically he takes up too much space now!

I just feel everything is a fight with him. Today for example. H has been at work since 8am,  A was out 11-7pm so I thought it would be nice just the two of us for the day. Nipper to my mums, he was rude, cheeky, nasty - nipping and hitting my mum. Refuses to look or speak to my dad, been like this for months and its getting rediculous now. We left after 20 mins as I'd had enough. 

Took him to a birthday party, only because I had already told the mum he was going. He was fine there thankfully. 

Had to nip to work to drop stuff off to H. He was fine for 10 min then kicked off, climbing on equipment when told not to, cheeky to an employee, very cheeky to my H. Again left after 20 min as I couldn't get him to listen. He refused to get in the car. Got him in and he kept undoing his seat belt, screaming, kicking the seat etc. had to stop to fasten him in 4 times (once on the motorway) He crashed out for 10 mins. 

Got home and we played with the balloon and bubbles from the party. All good. He then played on the tablet for a but while I made dinner, again no bother. A came in, got them in their pj's, she did her teeth and climbed into bed. I tried to wash his face paint off and all hell broke loose, not because he wanted to keep it on but he wanted to wash it himself. I tried explaining I need to do it to get it all off, he can't reach the mirror etc but no, total stamping feet, won't listen to what I'm saying, screaming in my face. In the end I threw him in his room and shut the door. 

He screamed a d shouted for 30 min then appeared downstairs asking for a drink. He was a hot sweaty mess. I explained I wasn't happy with him etc. have now washed his face and he's in bed. I'm sitting in his room on my phone until he falls asleep now. 

I just dont know how to deal with him. I cried for 2 hrs last night after he was in bed, A was upset seeing me crying and listening to his screams. I started again trying to explain to my H how horrid he had been in Asda - biting (this is new) and kicking me when I gave him the option of 2 boxes of Lego to pick for the party gift today. 

Ive order a reward chart today, should be here on Monday 

Any other suggestions? Especially for biting/punching/kicking. I feel like all I do is shout at him most days. He ignores me 99% of the time. I was actually seei g flashes last night and I think it was because of my blood pressure. 

I would really appreciate any words of wisdom


  • Firstly have a huge hug. It sounds so tough.

    He seems to behave best when he's distracted i.e. when on the tablet, playing and at the party. Could it be an attention thing? So he plays up at H's work because you are talking to other people, he plays up in the car because you need to concentrate on driving so he takes the seat belt off because he knows it will get your attention? I am just trying to think what i would do to fix it. What punishment do you give when he bites, punches etc? Time out works really well with G but on the rare occasion she still gives me grief, a favourite toy goes in the naughty cupboard for 24hrs. She also has a reward chart for good behaviour. If she gets 5 good stickers i give her a small amount of money and we make a big thing of going to the shops to spend it. I think its really really important to reward good behaviour as well as tackling the bad. If G kicks off at the shops i ignore her. I tend to tell her to let me know when she's finished and then pretend to be looking at something or look at my phone - it never lasts long. If all that fails can you try the old "ignore the bad and reward the good" technique?? I always pull G up on bad behaviour but if your LO is doing all this for attention, that may just be the reaction he wants....xx

  • Well he bit me in Asda and I dragged him out the shop kicking and screaming, by the time we got back in the car he was happy as larry like it had never happened. Asked for his biscuit, I said no because of his behaviour in the shop and he kicked off again. I ignored him a d drove away.

    I've ordered a reward chart and hoping that helps. His favourite toy is his Lego so I think Ill use that - remove for bad behaviour etc. We used Lego to get him to sleep in his own bed and he was doing great but its all gone to pot again, for no obvious reason.

    I actually dread having to collect him from nursery these days as I know there will be a fight :-(

  • How rude - thank you for replying!

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