Children visiting your newborn

I'm thinking about this quite far in advance but it's playing on my mind atm!

I'm interested to know what you did about friends coming over to visit your newborn and bringing their children with them? I'm obviously concerned about germs but also about how to cope in general with little visitors.

We are friends with a couple who have a 4 yr old and a LO who will be 2 by the time our baby is born. They are lovely girls but seriously wreck our house whenever they come over - nothing long-term but pulling books off of shelves, taking lots of things out of our kitchen cupboards, jumping all over the sofas and standing on the coffee table. It's quite an effort to clear everything up after they've left.

So, did you allow little people to visit your newborn and when? Our friends are likely to want to visit almost straight away, do I ask them to wait a bit? How long for? I don't want to be harsh but if their children come over and do their usual wrecking I'm worried I'll lose the plot! And aside from the mess, is it ok for young children to visit? I'm guessing it must be as otherwise what would happen with older siblings when you bring home a new baby?

Sorry for the ramble!!

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  • Omg, I'd be fuming if anyone came into my house and did that! Toys out is one thing and I don't mind the mess of that but that's just plain rude, what do the parents say/do?

    When I'd had Jude my mum invited in the next door neighbours grand kids, it was horrible, they were climbing all over me to see Jude and I was so close to tears. This time it'll be different because I have a 4yo so if friends bring their children then hopefully they'll just go off and play.

  • Maybe start to make some noises about wanting to enjoy some quiet time with baby after the birth as that may make them think to visit alone if they can.

    I wouldn't worry about germs, if they were suffering with a bad cold/anything harmful to newborns then I would hope the parents would keep them away anyway.

    Any chance you could visit them? Then you can limit the visit and leave when it starts to get too much. We are hoping to do this with some of the ILs lol.

  • No advice but I would be a little peeved if friends came over, their children caused such havoc and then they just left. If we go anywhere with H's 4yo daughter and she causes a bit of a mess (nothing like standing on coffee tables, jumping all over other peoples sofas) I always make sure I clear up everything before we leave. I would feel so bad if I were to just leave the mess she has caused be cleaned up by someone else.

  • Erm I would tell these people to control their kids! I would be saying something to them if their kids behaved like this in my house before or after I had my baby.

  • Isis - their parents just kind of laugh at how high-spirited the girls are and just say "oh your house will be like this all the time when you have children". The Mum did clear up when they pulled everything out of the kitchen cupboards though, even though the Dad was the one who stood by and watched them do it. I didn't really know what to say!

    Chimp - I would hope that they would keep them away if they had colds etc you're right. Visiting them is an option, or I thought maybe suggesting a walk locally when we're ready. Making some noises about wanting to be alone to begin with is a good idea, thanks.

  • I think Chimpanzee has a good point RE visiting them!

  • We didn't have many friends with older children first time round, only a few months older than A. The one couple who did have a live wire of a 2 year old didn't bring him. It's your house, don't be afraid to tell them to get off furniture, be gentle, don't pull that out etc. so long as you ask them nicely (but firmly) the parents should pick up and keep them in order a little. Tbf, the parents should keep them in order a bit anyway.

    Like Isis, any child visitors this time are more likely to go off playing with A than be bothered with a baby.

  • Ooh, visiting them is a good idea!

  • Alot of kids I know go very quiet around a new baby and just want to look at it for a bit. Maybe this will happen? Fingers crossed.

    I wouldn't worry about germs so much. They can come from anywhere really, not just grotty kids :-)

  • I'm obviously too nice!! They are our only friends with children so we're a bit clueless about what to expect with these things. They very much believe that kids come with mess and that's that. I'm going to sound judgmental here but their house is always upside down when we visit so I think they are just accepting that that's what it's like with them.

    I've got no idea how I'd approach asking them to be under more control, I am terrible at any kind of conversation like that!

  • I don't think I would be any good at starting a 'restrain your children' conversation either. I would sit quietely smiling the whole time they turned my house upside down and then tear my hair out once they had left.

    I definitely think visiting them is a good idea!

  • Our plan to visit ILs has backfired as they have said we shouldn't visit them...so I would have a back up plan of a walk in the park? Quiet coffee shop? Some sort of play area so their children can bugger off and make their mess there instead?

    We have gone down the quiet coffee shop route as we can't go to ILs.

  • I think taking the first meeting "off-site" is sounding very appealing, especially if it involves a local coffee shop and someone else bringing me cake Big Smile

    Thanks ladies Thanks

  • Why can't you visit your in-laws? is that strange? Good idea re nice, neutral territory lol. Those kids shouldn't be behaving like that, regardless of what goes on at home. I'd be really uncomfortable with that.

  • Popcorn, cake is the main pulling point to be honest. Plus I will play in the whole 'I am not comfortable feeding in public yet' if it gets too tedious! ;)

    Counter, they have a big dog who apparently can't be put in the kitchen for 20 mins (my suggestion was after getting to smell the baby etc that he is moved away but no) and also 'their house isn't very hygenic for a baby'. F*** knows really.

  • Coffee shop sounds like a good idea. I can't believe people let their kids behave like that, Jude makes a mess, he'll tell you he loves making a mess! But it's toys and he'll also help tidy up, especially at a friends house

  • Little Pixie

    Erm I would tell these people to control their kids! I would be saying something to them if their kids behaved like this in my house before or after I had my baby.

    Totally this.

    I had no problem with friends/family bringing their kids round after I had J.

  • first instance of them trying to stand on my coffee table and id have told them to get down same with sofa.  books, i wouldnt mind the 2 year old but the 4 year old should know to put them back.

    iv never had an issue with children visiting.  IME they have always looked at the baby then either played with own toys or Ls toys, although Ls friend stood mesmerised and stared and asking questions when i BF, i wasnt fussed as was used to L staring but i think if it had been my first baby id have got a bit stressed

    i took isaac to see my friends 3 week old yesterday and tbf he is a total devil child/hoolgan but he was stroking his face and saying 'baby shhh' and 'ahhhh baby' all the time, then went to play so he was fine.

  • I would certainly tell other children off for behaving like that in my house. I suspect, to be honest, that if you don't do something the parents will think that you don't mind and are happy for them to do it. (Many of us do let our children pull all the saucepans out of the cupboard for example because you can get on with the cooking at the same time but I wouldn't have let her do it in someone else's house).

    Next time I'd just say something like 'we don't do that in this house'. Normally children are better at taking direction from other people than they are from their own parents when our and about.

    Meet somewhere neutral. Although everyone wants to see the new baby there are no rules that say you have to have everyone around straight away. Play it by ear at the time and see how you are feeling.

  • I would be furious if someone let their kids behave like that in my house. But it is difficult to know what to say without it sounding like you are criticising their parenting skills.

    I would suggest meeting at a cafe like others say. You can say the reason is because you are desperate for a change of scenery after having so many visitors round to the house.

    Also means you can leave when you want.

    I'm hoping to get as many visitors as possible while still in hospital so they don't come to the house and are then restricted to the visiting times rather than staying for hours!

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