Did you keep your BFP a secret? If so, why?

Just curious. I realise this might seem a daft question to some people, but when hubby and I talked about it I wasn't really bothered about not telling people, but he was. Not in case anything didn't go as we hoped, but he just wanted it to be 'our secret' for a while. 9 months is a long (LONG) time, lol.

I don't want work to know because I am so new, and because I swear I'd bunk off sick some days because I feel so dreadful but I can't because I have 'no reason' to, because I'm fine, of course. Ick!



  • Until the 12 week scan, yes. Apart from a few close friends.

  • Technically I kept it from mum (and everyone else) as we found out the day before her birthday and I didn't want to steal her limelight iykwim? We only waited another week, but my god, I felt awful. We went out for a meal and I barely ate, my stomach was inside out. I think it was the shock of being PG and also not telling her. First ever bop took a while to sink in. As in my/our lives would be changed forever. Second one - no issues at all!

  • Not got a BFP but already know my husband doesn't want to tell anyone until 12 week (I think that is because of 'what if anything happens' to be honest). I wouldn't want everyone to know as I think it would be a long process, but wouldn't mind telling 1 or 2 trustworthy people. I like the idea of having 'our secret for 12 weeks so really would limit who I told, but probably wouldn't be as strict as he would be.

  • Sorry as for they why? We had a miscarriage before so i just wanted to see the baby before i told everyone. I told those who needed to know as they're the ones who would of supported me had things gone wrong x

  • No-one until the 12 week scan. We'd already lost one at 12 weeks, one at 8 weeks and another at 6 weeks. I didn't want to tell anyone so I wouldn't have to un-tell them again. I couldn't face it.

  • CK

    Sorry as for they why? We had a miscarriage before so i just wanted to see the baby before i told everyone. I told those who needed to know as they're the ones who would of supported me had things gone wrong x

    That makes sense. When my husband and I compromised and agreed who to tell we only told people that I would chat openly to about anything good/bad that might happen.

    So although he maintained it wasn't for that reason that he wanted to hold back, I can see now that that was definitely a part of it.

  • First time, only told my best friend (she's a mw, so it felt ok) until 8 weeks when I told my parents and boss, everyone at 12 weeks. Mainly in case I had to untell people.

    Second time told bet friend at 3+6, a few close friends at 6 weeks, parents and siblings after early scan at 7+4. A few more friends after 12w scan and then work and anyone else at 16.5 weeks, as I wanted to make sure it didn't impact on my bonus and pay review.

    I only told people before 12 w who I didn't mid untelling and would need their support if so.

  • We told our parents and siblings (and Hitched BT!) straight away...told my boss at 10wks as she was a funny sort and wouldn't give me my scan date off, so told her tough I'm pregnant! Then clise friends/family after 12wk scan at 13+2.No public fb announcement as didn't feel the world had to know!

  • I told close family and bf with Lucas and William, we had major issues with William and he died at 18+5 and I know people say that they tell the people they know they'd want to tell for support and that's what we thought but by god mil, sil and best friend were great. Fil and my parents were hopeless to the point it was upsetting having to speak to them, my dad has no tact at all so didnt realise he was being hurtful, fil would get up

    And leave when we entered a room as he'd no idea what to say (he bought us a £700 camera as he seen it as some way to show he cared but not able to speak iyswim) and my mum found it too upsetting to speak about and couldn't listen to it, then hit out with the corker that 'but you will one day have another baby'  which was one of the worst things anyone could say.

    Then with Isaac I didn't even tell h, what was the point, it was likely to go t1ts up again anyway and I'd watched him be totally destroyed holding William when he'd died, watched him cry over 2 mc, what was the point of putting him through horror again, I told him a few days later as in 'I've done a test, its positive' he said 'right' and that was it.

    Also, this may sound awful and I don't mean it to be, but at my old work a few people announced pregnancies at 4+0 and 5+0 and I just thought why are you telling us now, its a long 9 months. As it happened the one at 5+0 had a missed mc and we all had to untell everyone before she came back so that she wasn't left to tell everyone what had happened and the 1 at 4+0 had the longest pregnancy known to man

  • We told my parents and my H's dad the first time when I was just over 5 weeks, we had been trying for a bit and were both very excited. We didn't (and had no plans) to tell anyone else until after the 12 week scan when there was more certainty that things were ok. Unfortunately I had a MMC at 9 weeks. I have to say, as hard as it was, I was glad I didn't have friends etc to have to tell our sad news. This time we told my mum and dad at about 6 weeks and no one else (my H's dad lives 500miles away and I know it was hard for both of them not actually seeing each other and having to 'untell' him over the phone). We then told immediate family after the 12 week scan and friends etc about a week or so later  

  • Oh CP, that's so terribly sad. I know people struggle with how to react to things, but you like to think most folk stumble through and don't mess it up too much, but it sounds like you really were unlucky with some of your family members. Thank goodness there were others who got it right.

  • we didn't keep it a secret as such, but waited to tell close family in person. and as they live far away it wasn't until I was 10 weeks before I told my mum and dad and 12 weeks that the ILs knew. I waited until after we'd told them to let work know as I didn't feel it was right to tell work before family.

  • I told online (DW) when I found out but I have a lot of real life friends on there as well now so they knew. I also told my good friend who I knew was trying and had had a mc, she told me she was also pregnant! Told my parents straight away as well but H didn't tell his parents til after our early scan as we've had a mmc and he was scared. I went public after my 12w scan as I already felt like I was lying to some people!

  • Counter baby loss forums are full of people needing support as close friends avoid them, family dont know what to say etc, if you have lost a baby you don't need to be mindful of people 'stumbling through' you need the close friends and relatives to support you. Our experience with William meant we barely mentioned anything to anyone about isaacs pregnancy if anyone asked how I was I said fine and that was that.

    One of my friends had a still birth at 38 weeks and she felt fir a lot if the early days she was suporting her mum and sister, so I suppose you might tell people ud want to support you but you actually don't know how they will be. I for one know my mum should never be called in a crisis (she hung up on me 'too upset to speak')

  • Sorry Isis, if this is the dumbest Q, but what's DW?

  • It's another forum lol hitched when through a pretty horrific period and a lot of members left and set up a new forum

  • First time we told my mum, dad and siblings at 7 weeks. My dad was seriously ill and I wanted him to know asap. Told in-laws just after. Told a couple of friends about the 10 week mark.

    Last time we told around a similar time, I told a few more friends too as was more relaxed second time round. I told my line manager and section manager in work at 10 weeks. I suspected things weren't as they should be. As it was when mmc was discovered at the scan I ended up off work for a week before I could have surgery, then lost 3 pints of bloodin ssurgery and was signed off for another two weeks so they would have known anyway

    This time, told both our families early on (not sure why we bothered with in-laws as they still havent even mentioned it to me 7 weeks later) and a couple of friends after early scan, but again just people who would be supportive if things went wrong again.

  • I wanted to make sure there was something to tell to be honest, and enjoyed having 'our secret' for awhile! I find it very wearing and a bery long 9 months when people tell you at 4/5 weeks and as I was 4 weeks when we tested I wanted to wait. Also as we found out late November we decided together it would be a lovely xmas present for our families, esp. my parents as it was their first grandchild. As it was Mum had an inkling but hadn't asked and they were so thrilled when we told them on xmas eve. We did tell our best friends (now E's godparents) on New Year's Eve as we were going to theirs for a party and I wasn't drinking. Then told everyone else end of January after first scan.

  • I knew my mum would be so excited and happy for us. the thought that is something went wrong and Id then have to tell her that, it would break my heart & i couldnt go around telling everyone before my mum!

    We just went with the theory that the more people we tell, and things dont go to plan, the more people we will have to break that news too!

  • I'm scared of the un-telling too.

    We didn't tell people of the IVF (until it went wrong and I got ill). I didn't want anyone knowing when I would be testing and pestering for news if it had worked.

    Our cycle was cancelled so there  won't be a pregnancy for a while, but even when we go for our frozen transfer, we won't tell anyone (apart from a few Internet weirdies). After a BFP I think we would try and hang on and long as possibly before telling anyone tbh.

    Nothing to do with superstition, more that is has already been a long hard journey, and keeping it to ourselves minimises the hurt IF things go wrong.

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