done before - age gaps

I've been thinking more and more recently that maybe we should start trying again sooner than later for our next. There is a 2 year gap between me and my sister which I think is a good one. H and I hadn't really discussed when we'd try again, but we know we want another. So what are the pros and cons to having 2 in quick succession? And cons too!
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  • Its like everything, you'd make it work no matter what the gap. I had 24m between first two and its been fine. Slightly bigger gap this time of around 2.5 years but but will see how it goes. I wanted to wait a bit but H wanted to.have now and get rid of all the baby stuff.

  • Ooh exciting! Like CK said, you make it work. There's 2 yrs between me and my older sister which my mum said was lovely. I always thought I'd have similar but more unsure now but it's early days for me! My biggest worry would be the pregnancy as I suffered terribly with O but only had myself to look after! Xxx

  • I know what you mean CK. I don't want to get out of the baby habit if that makes sense? I go back to work next month, W is 1 in May, so I thought maybe starting to try around then would be ideal. But I don't know!

  • My sister will be looking after William, so I know if I had terrible morning sickness again I'd have help from her.

  • There's two years 4 days between my two. It's hard work there's no denying that but I think it's a good age gap. Isla is now independent enough to walk most places can feed herself without any problems and is quite happy to entertain herself whilst I feed Maya. They're both in nappies which feels like a production line of changing sometimes and costs a lot in nappies but Isla's not quite ready for training yet and to be honest I can't be bothered with the hassle whilst looking after a newborn. 

  • We've got a 22 month gap and at the moment it's really hard. I find it so exhausting looking after the two of them, but I think that's because B is a very demanding baby, wants to be cuddled all the time and so it's hard to get time to spend with W or to get housework done. But I know this time next year they will be playing together and it will be so worth it.

    We always wanted a two year age gap so they could grow up together. We're unsure about if we will have a third but if we do it will be once W is at school so at least a three year gap between 2 and 3.

  • With this age gap there will be some overlap in paying for child care but only about four months. Then Isla gets her free hours, so that's another thing to factor in. I wanted my children to be close like me and my sister were. There's 18 months between us and we always grew up playing together And have a good relationship now. 

  • I personally couldn't imagine what it would have been like to have such a small age gap, C was always such a high needs toddler (still is a bit) that I just couldn't have coped.  A lot of people it works really well for.  We'll actually be having just under 5.5 year age gap, but then I wasn't personally ready to consider TTCing again until just over a year ago.

  • We'll have a gap of 2yrs 4 months....I wouldn't have personally wanted anything smaller as I'd never have coped! (hats off to those who have and do) I wanted O to be fairly independent and off to preschool before we had another x

  • In an ideal world I'd go no more than 18 months between this baby and the next, but that's as much due to wider factors, not specifically the sibling relationship. I'm not sure the prospects are good for my age to have one so soon after so we'll just take it as it comes.

  • I've been very spoiled in that W has been a fantastic baby. I feel I could cope in that respect, but it's good to get other people's perspective on it Though.

  • I have 13 months between my two.  Its hard!!  It's nice that they have similar interests etc, but at the moment E is coming up to 3 and is having the terrible twos big style and S is just coming up to 2 and is just starting with them.  TBH a baby and a 12 month old was easy in comparision to what I've got at the moment.  I had two weeks off with them at Christmas, and I was ready to come back to work.  Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits, but two small babies and working full time is hard.  Thankfully we don't pay for child care really.  My parents do most of it, however E is in playgroup two mornings a week and S will be starting at the beginning of march all being well, so we will have to pay out about £160 a month for that.

  • I think you'll be fine whatever you do, you won't know it any other way! My auntie had twins 12 months after her first born and then her husband left. She remarried 6 years later and had 3 more with gaps of 14 months and 16 months so always had her hands full! They're all girls and very close, it's lovely xx

  • Child care costs is another consideration to take into account.

    I have friends with 18 month age gaps and, like others have said, you get on with what you've got. But being heavily pregnant with a child who can just walk or is rushing around without any awareness of any dangers can be hard - it depends on your children (which of course you won't know until you do it and its too late!) One friend described her younger child as legs with no brains at about 14 months because she was everywhere but at the same age my daughter wasn't walking. But now those with small gaps have finished the baby days and got all the nappies and sleepless nights out of the way as well and having two with a similar age gap means that you can do activities that are suitable for both children at the same time.

  • It's really good to get others who've been there's perspective on things.  Thank you!  I've thought about the terrible two's and where we'd be babywise when that arises (because no matter how good a baby W has been thus far, i know he'll be no different) and i've thought about cost of child care - My sister is looking after W when i go back to work, which is cheaper than nursery.  I want W to have a close relationship with his sibling, which is my main reason for wanting to have another so "quickly"

  • We will be having a 2 year age gap, mostly becuase I feel like I'm getting older and I was worried it would take ages to conceive rather than because I was ready to TTC again. I'm honestly terrified, J is really really hard work much of the time, and was a needy high maintenance baby so I'm anticipating things being tough if this one is similar. I'm keeping J in nursery 3 days a week while I'm on ML though, and H will be around at the weekends, so I'll only have the 2 together for 2 full days, hopefully I'll cope! I do really hope that in a couple of years they'll be great friends and it'll get a lot easier.

  • We have 2y7m between #1 and #2 and then 3y1m between #2 and #3 (so 5y8m between #1 and #3). I agree with others that you make your gap work whatever it is, but I like my gaps because both the older ones have been more independent when the baby arrived - largely toilet trained, able to eat, play etc more on their own, and able to understand what is going on and what the baby needs as well as my recovery from C-sections each time.

    Also (and not meaning to scare you!) be aware that the terrible twos are sometimes a bit of a myth - threenagers, on the other hand, are a whole different ball game...

  • Alternatively you can have the terrible twos at 18 months as we had here. Throwing herself on the ground, banging her head. She was much better at 2 years old.

    In fact, she has gone through phases of being awful at various times. It comes and goes. There are good patches, then poor patches. The only thing that improves as they get older is that you can reason with them a bit more. So you can't tell an 18 month old much except in very simple language but you can tell a three year old more than that.

    The woman next door has just had her second. Her first is just about 3 now I think. He has had some terrible tantrums over the last few months but I wonder whether also being pregnant affects this as you're more likely to have less patience, etc to deal with the many and varied ways of toddlers.

  • Hats off to you ladies with small gaps, I couldn't do it, and that was with J being a very easy baby/toddler.

    My 7.5 year gap was perfect for us. Unintentional, but perfect.

  • I'll have about 25 months between my 2, depending on when baby arrives. I certainly wouldn't want anything smaller. P has now got to the stage where she can feed herself independently, walk a lot and communicate better with us. A few months ago it would have been very different. You just get on with what you've got though I think!
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