Feeling quite useless - He's just too big for me!

I had W weighed at his health visitor appointment yesterday when he got his set of jags done and he now weighs 19lb and 3 oz at 21 weeks old.  Where this is an absolutely fine weight for him to be, and he could even be heavier and there wouldn't be an issue, I am really struggling with how heavy he is to carry.  Especially in his car seat!

As i am so very often told, I'm only a diddly wee thing myself at 5'1" and weighing in at around 8st at the moment, When i'm out on my own with W going to places that don't have spaces for prams/are inaccessible with a pram, I'm going to do myself an injury.  I have a front carrier for him, but it only helps me for a little while before W's weight starts to get to me.

No point to this really, just wanted a moan at how useless i feel at not being able to hold my baby for any length of time. :-(



  • What kind of sling are you using? If its a baby bjorn type then you will struggle. What about a back carrier?

  • I def look at slings!

  • I have 2, one is a red kite front carrier, and the other, i can't remember the name of, is a bit of material that can be folded into different styles of sling.  the problem is that W needs to be able to see what's going on.  He get's really upset and fights with me if i try to carry him against me.

  • And i don't like the idea of him being behind me where i can't see him - especially if i'm going to be on my own.

  • Don't be afraid of back carries! It takes a little practice but I can get E high enough up on my back that her chin is level with my shoulder so I can see her and talk to her just fine and she can see everything. You can also get a little mirror to attach to the sling if you want to see even more. Hip carries are also nice as the wrap spreads the weight across your back.

  • Front facing carriers are bad for babies and parents...id go to a sling meet if you can. I can still carry phoebe in a sling on my front and she can see lots

  • Can you recommend me your slings? i know it's been done before, but i need to do something.  my back is killing me!

  • Connecta is a nice easy one, its a buckle fastening but nice and easy x

  • I feel exactly the same. I struggle to hold her for any length of time without the sling (we ditched the baby bjorn style ages back for a connecta.  Not a chance u could get her in it now despite it apparently going to 12kg,  and now I've discovered a proper sling,  I'd never go back to BB Style).  I also can carry on mt back but only do that inside if she's especially clingy.  Even as so tall I can easily carry on my front for a good couple of hours in a good sling.  

    Everyone told me I'd get used to it but I've not.  My E is heavy and long. Measured yesterday and she's 75cm which is half my 5ft height.. She's 9 months!!! The car seat rarely leaves the car these days either and if she's gone to sleep in it so u need to move it, it's not unknown for people to race over to help.  Embarrassing (but very kind).

    You're not useless though it's just one of those things.

  • Thanks ladies.  I'll have a look at the connecta.  With any luck that will help ease the problem!

  • If he's big, might be worth looking at the toddler size Connecta, you'll probably get more use out of it in the long run. You could cinch in the waist to start with if it's too wide.

    I use woven wraps because they are so versatile :) Definitely hunt down a sling meet though.

  • I'm no help at all, i but just wanted to say I sympathise! L was 19lb 6 at 22 weeks (that was two months ago, I don't know what he is now but he seems to be getting heavier by the day!) Completely agree with what everyone else has said regarding getting a good sling -we have a babasling which I couldn't manage without, although having said that if I was buying now I wouldn't choose it, but I can't justify buying another one. This might sound a little over dramatic but if you're finding it a struggle please be careful, maybe get your h to do as much of the carrying as possible when he's at home. I say this because I didn't, and a couple of weeks ago managed to put my back out when throwing L up in the air, and as a result I could barely move for three days. Now if H is at home he carries L up and down stairs, out to the car, puts him in the bath/ highchair etc. Obviously I have no choice when he's at work but this has made a real difference. Like I say, this might be a bit over the top advice as my back is a bit dodgy anyway, but just wanted to warn you that its easy to underestimate what carrying a big baby around all day can do.

  • Oh, just for the record, by throwing him up in the air I meant hoisting him up to my shoulder, not literally throwing him!

  • I know how you feel, F was 18lb when last weighed weeks ago and I struggle with him and I'm no where near as petite as you! Trying to get anywhere with the car seat and changing bag is ridiculous! It must get easier, people carry toddlers!

  • Thanks ladies. I'm sure it will get easier. I have always struggled to hold him for long periods and have always felt awful that I can't hold my baby for any length of time. That's a good idea about the toddler sling stripey!

    You make a good point TEC. H tends to do most of the holding when he gets home anyway. I can feel my lower back getting worse as time goes on.

  • I also have a Connecta. I have had a bad back for 10+ years and i dont get pain when i carry P in it.

  • That's good to know Maisie! Definitely thinking the connecta is the way to go.

  • I love mine but i know others prefer wraps. A sling meet/library is a good place to start as you can try them all out. Size-wise i am only 5ft 1ins but not as petite as you are and the Connecta is comfy and fits well. All straps are very easily adjustable.

  • Orla isn't even big and I can't carry her in her carseat.  It bangs against my legs and is just heavy and awkward.  I just don't get how people do it.  

    As for carrying, then a sling is the way to go.  A proper supportive sling not a Baby Bjorn.  As you can tell from the previous sentence I am not strong and yet I could carry Zoe at 3.5 yrs old in a sling.  Whilst forward facing isn't recommended for a baby, there is a time around 4-5 mths when they start to get quite nosey and are often no longer happy with facing inwards as they don't have the next strength to be looking around them when facing in.  Give it another few weeks and he's likely to take being inward facing again much better.  There are a couple of decent slings though that do allow forward facing, the one I am thinking of first off is a Beco one, think it is called Beco Gemini.  Might be worth seeing if you can hire one - Slumberoo or Petit Poppet (ex hitcher) both hire out slings.

  • I sympathise, A is over 20lbs now and I find it particularly difficult, especially if he has a bad night and I've spent most of it lying on my side feeding him. H does as much as possible of the carrying and I have a good supportive sling (Beco Gemini). It might be worth looking at that one in your situation as you can have them facing out - it's not recommended to do it all the time but A used to scream in any other position and gradually we got him used to facing me instead.

    It might also be an idea to get a lightweight buggy so it's easier to get out and about. You can get some that are suitable from birth and lay flat. They're usually narrower than standard prams so easier to go out with.

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