Miscarriage - any advice?

Morning all

I'm not sure if baby talk is the correct place to post this but I am hoping someone can help me with some advice if anyone has been through anything similar.  Two weeks ago (i would have been 11 weeks) I started getting bad cramps and some bleeding so my husband took me to A&E who were absolutely no help - we saw a doctor who said that no-one would see me that night because I was only 11 weeks and if I was miscarrying we would just have to go home and wait it out.  I was booked for an 'emergency' scan on the Wednesday.  We went home and waited, the bleeding got a little heavier but nothing very bad and we were hopeful that everything was fine.  When we had the scan, the ultrasound showed nothing but the sac so I had to have the IV scan which showed a little embryo, which they dated as 6 weeks 4 days, with no heartbeat.  This was heartbreaking as we had paid to have an early scan 3 weeks earlier and we had seen the heartbeat :(  We were told to go home and come back the following week for a scan to see what was happening but, as there was no heartbeat and I was bleeding, it was likely I was miscarrying.  The bleeding got heavier and was the heaviest on the Friday; I thought that was it as the bleeding then slowed down and had almost stopped by the Wednesday when we went back for the repeat scan.  The scan showed that the embryo had still not come out - I found this very distressing as I had hoped that the scan would have shown everything had passed and I could try and start coming to terms with losing the baby.  I was them told that I had two options: to go home and wait it out as it may pass naturally or to have a medically managed miscarriage (the embryo was too small for surgical).  i went back to the Gynae Unit the next day to start the medically managed option, taking Mifepristone, and was to return on the Saturday to complete part 2.  in the meantime, I started to bleed a little and the cramping came back.

Saturday was horrific; I had two doses of the pessaries and the pain and bleeding was horrendous.  The nurses were brilliant and looked after me all day, and my husband was also amazing.  Although I passed lots of blood and clots, apparently there was no 'product' in it (I hate typing this word as it is not product, it was my baby and to reduce her to a medical term makes me feel even more sad).  At one point, a piece of clot got stuck in the neck of my cervix which was absolute agony and they had to pull it out :(  We were sent home that night with a scan booked for the following Sunday (we had to ask for this as procedure is usually to send you home and tell you to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks - this seems a bit barbaric to me...).  I had to go back on Sunday night as the pain was excruciating again - another piece of clot had got stuck so it needed to be removed, and I was given pethidine and kept in as my blood pressure was very low.

I saw the consultant/registrar on Monday morning and he made me feel like the biggest time waster ever - he hadn't read my notes properly so I was telling him what had happened.  He told me to go home and wait it out, as it was likely I had passed the 'product' already.  I told him all trays had been checked on Saturday while I was on the ward and nothing had passed, and my bleeding had slowed down completely since leaving.  He pretty much ignored what I said and told me I had probably passed it, and to wait for the scan on Sunday.  I asked what would happen if the scan showed the embryo was still present; he said I would have to have surgical management I had been told previously I could not have this).

So now I am at home, still bleeding on and off, still cramping on and off, feeling like ***, crying

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  • Hello lovely. I haven't had any experience of this so I don't have any words of wisdom for you I'm afraid but I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you have had a horrendous time of it so just wanted to offer you a hug and say that I hope this draws to a close for you sooner rather than later so that you can start to come to terms with what's happened.

    Sadly, there are ladies on here who have suffered losses so I'm sure someone will be along with better advice than I can offer soon.

    I'm glad that work have been supportive so just take all the time that you need to get your head round what's happened. Try not to worry yourself with doubts about your age and conceiving again in the future for now, just concentrate on taking things day by day for the moment, although I'm sure it's easier said than done.

    Look after yourself and take it easy xxx

  • Sorry, no advice or experiences of whether this is normal but didn't want to read and run. What an awful experience for you to have to go through. Please keep posting, it might help you make sense of everything thats happened and unfortunately there are lots of other ladies on here who have experienced miscarriages as well. I'm thinking of you x

  • Goodness, what a terrible time you've had. Its horrible enough to suffer a miscarriage, but even worse when you are treated so badly.

    Unfortunately I think people just don't know how do deal with or refer to a miscarriage. One of my losses was at 9 weeks, and when I went for my d&c a nurse referred to it as 'that thing that happened to you', whilst another told me I needed to do a pregnancy test before I could have an anaesthetic. The absolute worst part was my discharge form having it called a 'spontaneous abortion'.

    I don't think I can offer any useful advice. Is there another hospital you could go to with a self referring epu? It would mean starting the process from scratch, but you might get some better care.

    Please just go easy on yourself, make sure you don't rush back to work - they are right, you do need the mental and physical recovery time. I took two days for my d&c and worked through the other - it wasn't wise. Just try to get through one day at a time, and keep talking - sadly lots of us here have suffered losses and I'm sure can all give you advice on how to survive xx

  • My heart goes out to you, my sister took quite a while to get over a similar experience, it took 5 weeks for her to have passed whatt she needed to and she found it (and their lack of support/action) very traumatic. It shocks me it can be like that, and I am so sorry that's what you got. It's not fair. I know you feel under time pressure but it's important you take time to get well and give yourself TLC through, and after this. I have no advice but wanted to send you huge hugs and I am glad you posted, you're not on your own xx

  • I am at work so can't write much but just wanted to send you some support and give you my brief story - I had a missed miscarriage at around 11 weeks and went into hospital to have the drugs which didn't work so then I had to go back for the surgical option. Since this, I have had 2 babies; I must have been 31 when I had the miscarriage so not too different age to you.

    I won't lie to you, after the miscarriage was one of the hardest periods of my life and it took me a good few months to get over it mentally (physically I recovered very quickly).

    Having now had the children, I realise that it was just one of those unfortunate things and there was nothing 'wrong' with me (which was my fear for a long time).

    I hope it can bring you some small comfort to know you are not alone xx

  • Thank you all so much. I feel very lost at the moment and your messages have genuinely helped me xxxx

  • Firstly I am so sorry for you loss and how you've been treated so far.

    I have had 2 miscarriages, one was discovered at the 12 week scan, and my baby was only 6 weeks in size.  I had to go back once a week over 3 weeks until they'd confirm it was a miscarriage, it felt like the longest 3 weeks of my life.  They also told me that I couldn't have the surgery due to the size.  I told them that if they wouldn't do it under the NHS that i'd pay and go private, they suddenly decided then that I could have the ERPC.  I guess they prefer you to have the medication as there's less chance of any damage being done physically. Emotionally I am sure that the medical management must be more difficult.

    I hope that once you have your scan on Sunday that you don't need the surgery, hopefully then you can start to move on with things.  I can remember first time around I just wanted to be able to move on, and for me that was to be able to ttc again.

    Take your time to grieve and look after each other.  We're here if you need us or you have any questions.

  • Hello lovely

    so sorry to read your news!

    the only advise i can give you is to be good to yourself and your OH! at this moment in timeit feels like nothing will ever be the same again, i didnt deal with my MC in the best way, i went back to work the week after and ended up suffering from really bad panic attacks and depression and had to be signed off for a month

    the truth is there isn't anything right now that is gonig to make it feel ok, only time will heal you, and as days turn into weeks you will start to smile again, you won't cry every second of the day and want to just hide in a big black hole

    its a terrible terrible thing to have to deal with, and one of the things that makes you realise that life just isnt fair sometimes, however in 6 months time you will be sitting on here being able to help someone who is in your position right now,

    just take every day as it comes, cry when you need to cry, sleep when you need to sleep, and let your body heal, make sure you and your OH talk to eachother  

    we are all here for you and only a click away, keep your head up and remember a better day will come xxxx

  • I've just welled up reading this, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, and the truly awful time you are having. I really hope that the physical part of your ordeal is over very soon and that you and your H can recover and move forwards in your own time. I know lots of people, on here and in 'real life' who have miscarried and gone on to have healthy pregnancies and babies, in fact I don't know anyone who hasn't gone on to have a baby following a loss. I hope that can be some small comfort at this sad time x

  • Lamby

    I know lots of people, on here and in 'real life' who have miscarried and gone on to have healthy pregnancies and babies, in fact I don't know anyone who hasn't gone on to have a baby following a loss. I hope that can be some small comfort at this sad time x

    Lamby, that's an excellent point. My mum's last pregnancy was a loss but she had us two by then and the problems were too great to keep trying. Everyone else I know (I've counted 12 that I'm aware of) has, as you say, gone on to have a successful pregnancy. x

  • I'm so sorry you've been through this; it does seem to me that you haev been misinformed about some things though?

    I've had 2 mmc (12 weeks and 8 weeks), then a natural mc at 6 weeks.Both of the mmc measured 5 weeks. The first was surgically managed within 48 hours and the second was by pessary, so it's wrong that you've been made to go through this  under the impression that 5 weeks is to small for surgical. It's rubbish.

    I'll be perfectly blunt; you've been treated appaulingly. Get all of the strength you can muster and tell them that you're now at risk of infection and you need an ERPC asap. That's the only way to empty the womb out reliably. You'll need to be firm, but honestly; you can't just keep bleeding and waiting whilst they can't even tell you if the embryo has gone or not? I'd be fu****g livid.

    I'm so sorry you've been treated like this. You've a lot more chance than not of going on to have many healthy babies; you'll have been told that a lot recently. That's of no comfort now; I understand that. Please feel free to pm me if you need any help/explanations/support. I know exactly how wretched you're feeling.

    I also have hed counselling after my third loss and it can put a lot into perspective for you. It might be worth considering for the future when you're more able to deal with it. You won't want to forget; it was your baby, but everyone will tell you that you will forget. There's no need to. xx

  • You poor thing Hug I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can only echo what Sange has said. It sounds appalling. 

    Do you have private healthcare at all? If so call them up and get seen by them ASAP. If not then as someone else has suggested go to another hospital and tell them what's going on. Did you ever get in touch with the MW's? They are someone else you can call for advice - mine were very lovely actually, they called me up to check I was OK after my MC.

    (This next bit is very sens, sorry.) I had a horrendous experience similar to yours that ended up with me being in hospital on a drip due to bloodloss as my cervix was blocked open, I had to have the clot physically removed by a consultant with gorilla hands. It was awful. I don't believe 6w is too small to be medically managed from my experience, your body didn't think it was 6w pregnant and other symptoms continue even if the pregnancy fails. They should be able to tell if you had passed everything with a simple scan. I would go back to hospital and demand to be seen, in hindsight I wish that's what I'd done now rather than been sent away with a pat on my head being told to let nature take it's course and a sh*tty leaflet to read. It's so unfair, I'm so sorry. 

  • Thank you for this - silly thing is, I don't want to cause trouble and I don't even know where to start.  This is even more silly when I think what I am like usually and how I would never stand for anything like this.  I am angry but I am not feeling very strong at the moment.  About to go on Leicestershire NHS website to investigate x

  • Don't you dare feel like you're causing trouble. You need to be strong now; it's not going to go away. Whereabouts are you? You need to speak to whoever is in charge of the early pregnancy unit, sharpish. And your midwife. Do it now and come back on here.

    I'm fuming on your behalf. If this is allowed to continue and you do get infected tissue, that's a whole heap of trouble. x

    Like these things aren't difficult enough, being treated like that is just awful and wrong.

  • sorry to read that you are having such a tough time. I don't have experience of a MC but the ladies here give good advice x

  • You sound just like my best friend!  Have tried community midwives - all out on calls.  Tried supervisor of midwives at Hospital - wrong number on website, ended up being on phone to a bedline.  Rang East Midlands Strategic Health Authority - got a number for someone else and her phone is switched off.  Grrr.

  • Do you have private insurance through work or anything? Might be worth seeing if it can be brought into play to get somewhere. The NHS is a shambles in my experience. Privatesshouldn't be the answer but honestly it more and more seems to me the only way to get decent care

  • Sorry you're going through this, and even worse the problems you're having trying to contact someone Hug

  • Is it Leicester Hospital? If so try patient liaison - they are there to support and advocate for you - the no on the website is 08081 788337.  They shut at 4, but ring in the morning

    You really do deserve better x

  • I will call in the morning - I am so cross now x

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