Newbie in need of advice and support

Hi all, hope you don't mind me joining and posting but as the title says I'm in need of some advice and support. I have a 14 month old and 11 days ago I gave birth to my second. To say I'm feeling overwhelmed is an understatement. I seem to have forgotten everything about what to do with a newborn and feel like i'm doing it all wrong. I'm so torn when it comes to splitting my time and constantly feel I'm neglecting one child over the other. For example, after feeding and winding the baby I felt like I hadn't given my eldest enough attention so I popped the baby in her Moses basket for a sleep but then she didn't seem to be able to settle on her own and I felt guilty for letting her moan a bit till she fell asleep rather than picking her up and cuddling her to sleep. But then that would have meant more time away from my eldest. I feel so torn all the time and a not like a headless chicken. I'm really hoping that some of you can give me some advice from your experience as at the moment I just feel lost! Thanks in advance and nice to "meet" you all.


  • Hi there, I can't help at all but didn't want to read and run. I have an only child who was a contented heavy sleeper, so I was spoilt. It sounds so hard trying to split yourself between two who have equally valid needs. Try not to worry about not cuddling the tiny one to sleep, plenty of people are happy to let baby to have a moan here and there, and your eldest does need you.

    You must be exhausted! is anyone able to lend a hand? Mum, sibling, partner, friend? Maybe the eldest one could spend some quality time with them whilst you try and rest and see to baby?

    I hope things start to feel a bit more manageable soon.

  • Hi and welcome to MD! Congratulations on your new arrival.

    My eldest is 4 and my baby is 4 months and i felt exactly the same (still do!). If you are breastfeeding i have found there are some things you can play one handed whilst feeding!! When baby is asleep have an activity lined up to do with your eldest. Not sure how old your eldest is but i take the kuds out for walks and G goes on her scooter whilst i push the buggy. Can he/she get involved with looking after the baby (passing wipes nappies etc)?.

    My godsend has been my baby carrier. P sleeps in it whilst i do activities with G.

    It does get easier x

  • Hello! I can't be of any help as I'm not due our first until christmas, but wanted to say congratulations and welcome!

  • It does get better. I go from moments of feeling like there isn't enough of me to go round, to feeling like superwoman when I manage to get stuff done (washing on line AND made cupcakes with my eldest today). Mine are 4w and 27 months. I think you just have to accept that sometimes one will have to wait for the other, with baby being the one most likely to wait. If they cry and go to sleep by themselves that's fine. Being rocked to sleepis nice, but you will get your chances to do that. Anyway, at least they went to sleep! Better than endless crying and fussing!

    Just keep plodding, there will be ups and downs, but every day they get a bit older and a bit less dependent on you.

  • Thanks for all the replies, it's nice to know someone else felt like this too and it's not just me. Counter, my H has been home for the past 2 weeks and is due to return to work this week so I think that's why I'm worrying so much. I have both moms nearby but sometimes they are more of a hinderence than a help! My first would only sleep on me or H for the first 3 months and I was worried about that happening again but then I feel like I'm depriving my baby by putting her down in her Moses basket for her sleeps. Oh the joys of mummy guilt!

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