Sex during pregnancy- what's changed for you?

Nothing like kicking the morning off with a super personal thread!

H and I have always had a very healthy sex life- pretty much daily. Since being pregnant this has continued mostly and if anything only gone down to approx. 4/5 times a week at worst. The past few nights H has been getting frustrated as he can see things aren't as comfortable for me as they used to be and he seems to think it's down to me not being interested and can't see how last week I was all over him and this week I would much rather go to sleep!

Just curious to see how how and when things changed for you. How often before/ after? At what stage did things start slowing down or stop completely?

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  • For the last 4 weeks nothing as baby sparkles is very active and it's freaking OH out that she is there and very present. TBH I am too knackered anyway.

  • We have never been a daily couple, much to my H's disappointment but we have had much less sex during pregnancy.

    Firstly, I've had a few bouts of bleeding so midwife told us to lay off the rumpy pumpy until they'd confirmed my placenta had moved up from being low-lying. That was two weeks ago and now I'm too huge and uncomfortable.

    Secondly, I'm not feeling massively confident about my body so I don't really feel in the mood much, too self-conscious.

    My poor H, I told him it could take months and months to get pregnant so he thought he was guaranteed plenty of sex for a while at least. We were lucky enough to fall on our 2nd month so he missed out on all the fun (not that we would change anything of course!)

    Will be booking his services in the next week or so to evict the baby though, that should cheer him up!

  • ' Sex during pregnancy' what is this? Laugh

    my labido has completely gone out of the window! Plus I am constantly tired. We have DTD a couple of times but ive pretty much been going through the motions. H has been really understanding about it but I do feel sorry for him!

  • We've never been a 'daily' couple either, we tend to go through phases but we are a very cuddly couple. Since being pregnant we've only had sex a few times - I just don't feel like it and baby moves so much I worry that it would be off-putting!

  • I'm 18 weeks and we've had sex twice. Once at 9 weeks and once last night. Poor H!

  • Pretty much same as mrs Bass.

    We were never that frequent anyway as I am always nackered from running round after a toddler all day.

    In the early days of pregnancy I was always too scared to Dtd incase something went wrong.

    Then I got very big very quickly and it became so uncomfortable in any position. We've probably only done it about 4 times since my bfp and even then I've really not been in the mood but felt bad on H. But even he's confessed after that he's not enjoyed it as much as he feels weird knowing baby is there.

    I'm now 36 weeks and feel so uncomfortable there is no way I can do it. H will have to wait til after baby arrives. When I was pregnant with W I did make him Dtd after 40 weeks in the hopes of getting labour going- he told me after that he really didn't enjoy it and only did it as he knew I wanted baby out lol! It didn't work though!

  • Are your H's all understanding of the changes? I am actually beginning to get concerned about how much of an issue my H is making it. He said last night that me not being so 'in to' him makes him feel like I don't want him. I do try to cuddle etc. but he always presumes that this is going to lead to sex which puts me in an awkward position when I have to explain.. 'actually, I don't want it!'. He also suggested that everything will be fine if I make the effort to come on to him once a week.. and then there are obviously going to be nights where he comes on to me during the same week. What if I don't want sex once a week!? He has always been very insecure but I feel like I am constantly pushing and pushing to do the best I can and always falling short. There have been various issues throughout about H not being understanding or supportive but I'm starting to get really fed up.

  • We had more sex when I was pg, apart from the last few weeks.

    H loved my shape during pregnancy, and I felt really confident, so my sex drive was sky high.

  • I'm sure my H would like more sex (being a man!) but we have talked about it and I'm 100% happy that he understands that things are different right now and that after birth it will take a while before things are back to normal! I don't think he's keen on having sex with the bump, it was a bit different in earlier pregnancy but I was suffering badly with HG. Like I say, we're very cuddly and I feel that we have still maintained intimacy. Sometimes I worry that he's unhappy with it but we talk and he reassures me.

  • My H says if I don't feel up to it then that's it, we won't do it. He doesn't push me for sex at all, in fact he doesn't try it full stop. Sometimes it makes me feel like he isn't bothered or doesn't want me but he says he doesn't try it because he doesn't want me to feel like I have to do it just for him. Last night I suggested it and I think he was surprised but very happy! If its another 9 weeks though he wouldn't say anything to me. All he cares about is that I am calm and baby is ok, and if that means no sex he accepts that.

  • My H is totally understanding of it. It's him that is freaked out not me. And when he has tried to instigate but I have been tired he is bot in the slightest but bothered. He loves a cuddle and kiss and much as anything more.

  • After another sex conversation this morning I seriously feel like making a point and not having sex for the foreseeable just to see how H reacts. I have a feeling that it won't be a case of him being understanding and this worries me. I'm tired, emotional and feeling very fed up today!

  • My H is really understanding and is happy with a kiss and a cuddle, he has left it up to me to instigate sex.

    I guess if you have sex very frequently it can be a bit of a shock to men if it dries up a bit.

  • Sam, have you tried talking to your h about it out of the bedroom?

    My H has been brilliant, he says he understands that my hormones are all over the place which effects sex drive and that im constantly tired. And he doesnt want to do it just for him! He has suggested things like massages so might try that.

    I try to make sure his needs are met in other ways though!

  • We did it maybe twice throughout the pregnancy and twice the last week of the pregnancy in the hopes of getting something moving, and i could probably count on one hand the number of times we've done it since.  I'm really unhappy with how i look, and have no love for myself just now, so no sex drive.  I feel bad for H as he tells me how much he loves me and that he loves how i look now, but i can't see it.

  • MrsBass- I have tried talking to him numerous times about it, even before I was pregnant as it was a concern then. I think I have shot myself in the foot because I have tried to keep up with his ridiculously high sex drive the whole way through our relationship to keep him happy and for the want of a quieter life. We have had a conversation about sex the past 3 nights. I fell asleep at around 10pm last night on the sofa and woke about half an hour later and could tell H was in a grump. Around 11.30 I went and lay on the bed with him, was cuddling him etc. and he was vrey unreceptive. He then asked if I was tired and when I replied 'a little' he said 'I thought you weren't tired today because you had so much sleep last night'.. this was at approx. 11.30pm!? He then started talking about how he thought I would have made some effort seeing as though we had talked and he had made a point of the past week of sex not being good and my face 'looking miserable' during sex (I'm uncomfortable and not in the mood at all!). He then continued to talk until about 1am, went out for a drive, came back apologied and we went to bed.

    This morning I woke up extremely stressed about the whole situation again. We talked AGAIN in the car on the way to work but I really don't know what the solution is. It seems he is completely unwilling to accept that unfortunately sex is taking a back seat at the minute and also the fact that there is now so much stress surrounding it is putting me off it completely. It feels like our whole relationship has been based on sex and now it isn't happening as frequently it is causing HUGE problems.

    Also, it's not like we have gone through any dry patch. We had sex every night last week and he said from Friday when we have had sex (probably about 4 times since then!?) I haven't look as interested. He acts as though he has gone years without any!?

  • Sam, you need to do what is right for you with regards to sex.  If he thinks he's hard done by now, what's it going to be like when baby arrives and he's going to have to go without for 6 weeks or so while your body returns to normal?

  • Oh Sam I really feel for you, your body changes so much during pregnancy and all the hormones/tiredness etc. I haven't felt like 'myself' at all since being pregnant. Your H needsto understand that things have changed and, as RKB said, it's not going to go back to 'normal' as soon as bubba has arrived.

  • I have also told him this and all along his response has been 'Do you not think I understand that things are going to change. Both of our attentions are going to be concentrated on the baby so I'm sure I'm not going to be in the mood for it either'. The thing that makes me question this is that he said this about the pregnancy and it seems that nothing has changed so what is going to be different? He has a daughter already from a previous relationship so part of me thought he would know what to expect but I feel like he has made out like I am the worst pregnant person ever because I have been tired/ emotional/ stressed out very occasionally.

    I know if I try to speak to him about it today he will tell me that it has already been discussed and we just need to drop it but it's something I'm really worried about. I suppose only time will tell...

  • Also, you mentioned about giving each other massages etc to be close instead. H doesn't like massages even though I offer to give them and he does give me massages and thinks this is him being really caring and supportive, but he only ever does it when he wants it to lead in to sex!

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