we are back in hospital - useless mummy

C and I got home on Saturday evening, all seemed well, lots of feeding, lots of wet and dirty nappies. Midwife came in on Sunday and thought he looked jaundiced, I said I'd thought the same but had him checked on Saturday and his level was well below the treatment level. She checked him again and it had risen above her cut off point so we were sent back in to get bloods taken. They took bloods (from the back of his hand with a tiny cannula, it was awful) and it was below the level for treatment, sent home to come back on Monday for rechecking. Mondays had risen again, so asked to come back in yesterday. It had then risen to just over the level that they will treat so we have been admitted for phototherapy. When we first got in, I fed him and they topped him up with formula, I then expressed so we could do top ups for the next few feeds to get his fluid levels up. Last night they had me feeding three hourly with expressing in between, my boobs were wrecked but I did it because I'm his mummy and he needs it. Seems they know better though abd although they woke me once during the night to feed him they gave him expressed milk one time, and then at 7am, when I was in a bed about ten yards away, awake, they gave him formula. I'm so angry. But then at the same time they keep commenting on having "got my supply going now so he can flush out the bilirubin" which says to me that it's my fault he's ended up in here - he's not been getting enough from me, despite me thinking we were doing fine. If I don't know he's not feeding properly what kind of mother does that make me?? You'd think second child I'd know what I was doing. 

So after them giving him formula at 7am while I was in bed with rock hard boobs he's now sleeping in scbu in his incubator while I'm hooked up to an electric breast pump in a tiny room instead of being with my baby. 

No need to reply. Just a brain dump from a hormonal mess of a mother 


  • Oh. That's before I mention the hysterical 3.5 year old that had to be peeled off me yesterday when we were coming back in after I'd promised her that mummy wouldn't need to go into hospital again. Poor soul has no idea what's happening from one day to the next, as if adjusting to a new baby isn't hard enough under normal circumstances

  • :-( big hugs to you. I'd be cross about the formula too. It's not your fault, lots of babies need a bit of treatment for jaundice and he will be just fine! You must find that really hard with your little girl but you'll be home soon and can get settled properly as a family xxx

  • Big hugs to you.  Firstly you're not useless and it most definitely is not your fault.  I'd be furious too about the formula, and if I had the energy I'd make a complaint.  Fingers crossed you'll both be home soon and then as BE said you  can get on settling into being a family of 4 x

  • You're not a useless mummy at all. Don't be hard on yourself. I hope you're back home very soon - huge hugs xx

  • Sending massive hugs your way. It must be tough to deal with and I'm sorry you're having to go through this.  I would without hesitation put in a complaint about them feeding C formula without your consent.

    Just think that It won't be too long before C will be all better and you can get back to enjoying your family! xx

  • Definitely not a useless mummy. It's all very stressful and confusing. Hope you are home very soon and can begin to adjust to a family of four xxx

  • Aw Weekender this is not nice at all.

    You are not a useless mummy, all babies are different and you're little man needs you to stay strong. I agree with the others, they shouldn't have given him the formula.

    I'll be praying for speedy recovery for you both....in the meantime make sure you get some lansolin for those nipples and keep eating/drinking.


  • Just to echo what everyone has said, you are not useless. Definitely complain, I thought they were supposed to encourage breast feeding?

  • Huge hugs. I can totally relate apart from it being my first child - can't imagine having to deal with the pain of leaving your toddler again as well, that's heartbreaking. I was told to feed him to flush out the jaundice, when he needed to be readmitted I too thought it was my fault for not feeding him well enough and it was awful, no-one thought to tell me otherwise. It isn't your fault. You are doing a fantastic job, as well as you can despite their interfering with the formula!

    I'd definitely complain about the formula, to me that's almost like assault. You've said you didn't want him to have any and they went ahead regardless.

    Sending love and support xxx

  • Sending you a big hug Weekender, it's not your fault at all. Hope you're home with your little man very soon x

  • You are far from a useless mummy, sending hugs. I hope you're back home with both your babies very soon

  • Thanks everyone, after I posted this H came in and I had a cry on him for a bit then went round to see C, and the nurse said his blood results were back and we were free to go, with no follow ups. So we are now home and I'm going to try to forget it all. I did mention again I wasn't happy about the formula and she's going to pass it on, not sure what the formal complaints process is, I think I'll ask the community midwife when I see her.

    Saisi sorry you went through it too, it's horrible thinking you could have done something to prevent admission. Hormones don't help with thinking rationally do they?

    I'm glad this place is here it's so great to offload and get the support, thank you fabby ladies xx

  • Oh weekender that sucks. So glad you're home now, keep feeding you're doing brilliantly. Definitely put a complaint in, I think pals is the hospital complaint route but check with the mw. Xx
  • I'm so glad your home, I really really feel for you. S was born by emergency cesarian the day before P started reception class so I missed his first day. As if that wasn't bad enough, the day I was going home, bags packed and all a nurse came to do our discharge and decided S was jaundice. I had to stay in a further two days for his treatment. I bawled and cried so much that they put me in a private room! It's so hard feeling guilty on the lo at home isn't it with all they are already dealing with. I'd send her to the shops with daddy for lots if treats for you both if I were you. You need to go easy on yourself. If you can complain, do. If you don't want the hassle then don't feel bad either, to just still be able to brush your hair and feed yourself your doing great, let alone everything else your doing!

  • P.s I probably wasn't even brushing my hair at the time, I still struggle to find time sometimes now ;-)

  • So glad you're off home! Sounds like you weren't being supported at all, not really. Glad hubby is giving the hugs and C is fine. Onwards and upwards! And big hugs x

  • So sorry to hear you're going through this. I would definitely put in a complaint about the formula, that's awful they did that against your wishes. Glad to hear you're home now, take care x x

  • Massive hugs, I'm glad you're home now xx

  • Glad you're home. Sounds so hard. Sending hugs.

  • Thanks ladies

    I spoke to my community midwife this afternoon and I'm the second person in two days with similar stories, she's emailed the unit manager and is dropping the contact details into me tomorrow when she's down for our checks so I can complain separately. Was quite reassuring as she was so totally on our side.

    Great to hear similar stories although sorry others went through similar x

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