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WWYD - Waking / Self settling related
S has been waking A LOT in the night, since about 4.5 months old, he is now just under 7 months. Prior to this he slept for 8-10 hours at night, though that seems like a very distant dream now, sob!
Other than GS and when poorly, he doesn't really need / want feeding in the night. Currently he feeds after about 9 hours, so it does just seem to be that most of the time when he wakes, he needs help to resettle. Sometimes he settles himself, when half awake, but most of the time he needs a hand on his tummy or a bit of a cuddle. It's pretty exhausting though, as this can be 7 times in a night, he usually wakes every hour, 2 max and sometimes it's 10 minutes after I've settled him.
I asked the HV today just in case she may have any tips and she just suggested leaving him if he's not upset. He's not a very 'cry-y' boy - obviously, he's a baby and does cry, but often in the night after say I have settled him and he's woke pretty quickly, he won't cry, just shuffle etc. I've usually gone straight back (more or less) to resettle though as my thinking is, the longer he is awake for, the longer he will take to get back to sleep! This has happened nights when I've had to change him or he's just randomly had an energy burst at 3 a.m. etc. - quite a while back, but it's put me off leaving him to it in the night as I just want to get us both back asleep asap and avoid a 20 minute rocking session!
I guess I just can't see him having a play and chat to himself and drifting back off, but I know I could be making SS harder for him in the future if I don't try? WWYD? I'm so confused. And if I do try this, how long should I leave it? I presume he will cry eventually and I would go in then, but if he's happily 'playing' do I just go with that, and for how many nights should I try for if he doesn't put himself back to sleep, before giving it up?
TIA for any pearls of wisdom!
Other than GS and when poorly, he doesn't really need / want feeding in the night. Currently he feeds after about 9 hours, so it does just seem to be that most of the time when he wakes, he needs help to resettle. Sometimes he settles himself, when half awake, but most of the time he needs a hand on his tummy or a bit of a cuddle. It's pretty exhausting though, as this can be 7 times in a night, he usually wakes every hour, 2 max and sometimes it's 10 minutes after I've settled him.
I asked the HV today just in case she may have any tips and she just suggested leaving him if he's not upset. He's not a very 'cry-y' boy - obviously, he's a baby and does cry, but often in the night after say I have settled him and he's woke pretty quickly, he won't cry, just shuffle etc. I've usually gone straight back (more or less) to resettle though as my thinking is, the longer he is awake for, the longer he will take to get back to sleep! This has happened nights when I've had to change him or he's just randomly had an energy burst at 3 a.m. etc. - quite a while back, but it's put me off leaving him to it in the night as I just want to get us both back asleep asap and avoid a 20 minute rocking session!
I guess I just can't see him having a play and chat to himself and drifting back off, but I know I could be making SS harder for him in the future if I don't try? WWYD? I'm so confused. And if I do try this, how long should I leave it? I presume he will cry eventually and I would go in then, but if he's happily 'playing' do I just go with that, and for how many nights should I try for if he doesn't put himself back to sleep, before giving it up?
TIA for any pearls of wisdom!
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Replies
Hey lovely, I'd definitely leave him if he's not upset...from reading/friends it seems common for babies to wake and have a play/practice new skills and go back to sleep again. It could be stopping him ss if you help him each time although I know how precious night time sleep is and how paranoid we are about them getting enough! I sometimes find that leaving A a few mins to grizzle and next thing I know a couple of hours have passed so he must've ss! I try and not rush in unless he's upset or I think he needs feeding...many times he's gone back to sleep and a couple of times for 9+ hours! (Rare!) Sorry he's waking so frequently, it's a killer I know! :-( How do you put him down to sleep at night? When I laid next to A for him to fall asleep he woke LOADS more than he does now he goes down awake. I ended up having to do some gentle sleep training, I was knackered and although it's not perfect it is better for everyone and we will work on it again to cut down the night feeds. Hopefully he will start to sleep better again, these babies are confusing and tiring!! Hugs x
If he's not crying (or visibly upset) I would just leave him TBH.
A is now 11 months and a terrible sleeper, he just couldn't seem to settle himself without boob and was waking every hour or two for it which was knackering... not feeding, just using it to get back to sleep. We didn't want to try cry-it-out and he does cosleep with me, so what I decided to do was, I suppose, let him cry it out but I was right there in the bed with him talking to him and cuddling him a little bit when he got really upset... but NOT giving in and giving him the boob. Took about four or five nights, the first night was the worst but now instead of feeding to sleep he will feed, come off, crawl over and put his head on my chest and go to sleep. So in the night I will feed him if it's been a few hours or he's really working himself up, but I can also place his head on my chest and he'll go back to sleep.
So the next part of the plan is getting him to sleep without needing to be physically on me, so I guess we'll try similar... if he wakes/cries in the night I'll let him know I'm there but I won't let him fall asleep on me and hopefully he'll do the same thing and learn to go off by himself. I don't particularly "like" it and yes it is bloody tiring for the four/five nights but I'm hoping we'll eventually get him to sleep in his own bed in his own room. I think we will have to wait a while though as we're going away for Christmas and then he starts nursery so I don't want him to have too many new things at once.
I agree i would leave him too if he isnt upset. There was a lady on GMTV the other week who said most babies wake in the night even if you arent aware of it. Some chat for a bit then go back off, orhers are quiet so you might not even realise they do it. The issue with going in is that you interrupt their routine of ss-ing so they are doing what they need to do to ss and then a parent comes in to rock them etc but what you actually do is stimulate them, then you end up rocking for half an hour - does that make sense?? She obviously explained it better! At 5 months when P woke up in the night i got straight up and fed her before she even cried as i assumed thats what she wanted and she always had a whole bottle. Then one night she woke up abd i couldnt drag myself out if bed straight away and i nodded back off - and so did she! And from that night she now sleeps through for 11 hours a night. Sometimes i hear her wake but she always goes back off. I would only go in if she was upset. Good luck xx
Disco has done this in the past and still does, with him he often seems to wake up to practice his sounds which clearly delights him as we have herd him laughing to himself some nights.
We leave him to it if he isn't upset he usually settels himself again once he has practiced. Some times he will have been so busy he can't settel but then he lets us know about it. I would definately not rush to your littel one if he is happy as once he is finshed doing what ever it is he may well settel himself back to sleep
As others have said, leave him unless he is actually upset. He'll learn that you come when he wakes and you run the risk of it getting worse as time goes on. I think my H thought I was a bad mum because I refused to get up to W unless he was actually upset and it sounded like he wasn't going to settle on his own.
W went through a phase of waking at 2am and having a 20 minutes conversation with his toys before going back over. I had to stop H from going to him because W seemed quite content. He has stopped doing it now, which I'm glad about because it is tiring even though you don't actually get up to them!
I hope you get some sleep soon and S stops waking at night.
Thanks a lot everyone.
Ok I will be brave and leave him then. It sounds silly, as he isn't upset - it really is this fear I have of him taking ages to go back if I don't nip him in the bud quickly. But that's an historical thing and I know I need to move with the times and give him the opportunity to learn!
I will go in if he gets upset, I guess then I'm just a bit confused as to what I've achieved? Or is it that sometimes he WON'T get upset, and will SS? I just worry that he will end up associating being awake with no one coming unless he cries, and end up crying as soon as he wake up? Does that make sense?
Smarties - I know you get where I'm coming from, fellow sleep obsession buddy
He goes down very drowsy for naps, but feeds to sleep every evening. I put him straight down, but it works for him and us and so I'm not in a big rush to change it if that makes sense - but I totally get that for the most part he does need to ss. In the night he goes back asleep in his cot whenever poss (with my hand on him though!) and for naps it's the same or he's being walked. I do need to watch it though, especially as we are co-sleeping on some particularly bad nights. He'll ss completely then, but I am lying next to him! I just need to believe or give him chance to do that in his cot I guess, eeek!
S wakes up loads at night, but jf she's not crying I leave her and more often than not she'll eventually go back to sleep. She literally 'played' quite happily from 2 to 4am one night last week. It kept me awake as I was watching her on the video monitor, but she wasn't unhappy so I didn't see the point of going in. If I do then she thinks it's time to get up and gets upset because I won't let her and then I have a job getting her back down, so it's much better to leave her be if she's happy. You may be surprised at how well he does settle as it sounds like you've yet to give him a chance to.
Henry is really bad for not self settling. He just wouldn't ever sleep or nap if it weren't for some kind of movement. I used to run in at every whimper in the night but my mum suggested one day, after a particularly wakeful night, that I should leave him a few minutes and see if be goes back to sleep. And he did! Now instead of getting a bottle ready at lightening speed il give him 5/10 minutes. Most often be moans for a while and goes back to sleep
Very sorry for the delay - thanks a lot everyone. I am trying and he is sometimes re-settling himself, mostly not but we are better than we were!