why do people say mean things ?

hi ladies

just wondered why people say horrible things i visisted my moms last week and she saw one of her neighbours while we was out shopping.
my mom told her was expecting and feeling all full of joy and blooming she asked me when i was due i told her march 4th her reply to this was "god haven,t you got ages to go still why are you buying clothes something my go wrong and your not very big are you .My daughter was masssive when she was having a baby my anwee to this was oh right with shock so mom my made a quick exit

heres me thinking oh i havent go to long now lets get xmas out the way then its only 2 months really beacuse it early march .

sorry for moaning but have you had anybody say (pleasent things to you lol). Evil

Posts

  • You'll always come across people like this & the best way I've found to deal with them is to ignore them. Youre over half way through your pregnancy so its not as if you've just found out. When I was pregnant with my 1st we started buying things after we had our 1st scan at 15 weeks & if anyone said anything to us we just said something aong the lines of 'Well we are going to have a baby at some stage so it wont go wasted' As for your size, dont worry I didnt need to start wearing maternity clothes til I was over 7 months 1st time (if only I was so lucky this time!!!) & I still had an 8lb 9oz baby.

    Take care
    Hilary x
  • Hi bun

    (I'm also an '81 mum)

    People can't resist saying something. If they haven't got anything positive to say it doesn't matter just so long as they pass comment on your pregnancy! Its as if they just open their mouths and words come tumbling out without any thought as to what consequences this might have.

    Honestly, just ignore 99% of the people. I'm sorry to break it to you but its only going to get worse...
    When I was 36 weeks pg I went out for casual dinner with hubby & friends and the waiter looked me up and down and said, "You're not going to give birth here are you?". I just looked at my husband and kept a straight face and said,"I thought we were going to the hospital, oh well bring the towels".
    Just practice some really cutting come-backs and people soon back off, LOL!

    Good luck with the preg x
  • Hi Bun

    I know how you feel, all I want to do is to tell them to f off. Im having twins and if I get one more negative comment then I swear I will hit them. Ive now been told a 1001 times about how hard it is going to be and I know its going to be a struggle for me, but their support would be nice instead of their constant mickey taking.
    Stay calm and positive Bunin the oven, they're probably only jealous xxxxxx

    Debs
    17+5
  • Hi Bun,

    I know how you feel. I allowed my son to start telling people about my pregnancy at 14 weeks as he was fit to burst.. I saw my neoghbour the day after he told her and she asked how far gone I was.. I told ehr and she said oh ages to go then.. I just looked at her and phoned my mum and moaned... I was thinking that yes I was only 14 weeks but I had my sons birthday coming up then christmas and knowing what this time of year is like it will fly by then I thought I would have the sudden shock in January that xmas is out the way and I wouldnt have long to go and be having the skint post xmas blues....

    Although it wasnt as bad as yours, I probably would have thumped her one if she had said that to me, but I am getting quite witty in my pregnancy and think why should I hold back on saying things.. lets face it we have the perfect excuse.. pregnancy hormones...pmsl

    Least your little one is due b4 mine!!!

    All the best

    x x
  • lol I have to agree with the can't buy too late. We're only 7 weeks gone and i'm preparing already the way i look at it is that Dan and i have xmas, and his birthday and possibly mine before the baby is born but come mar i'll be out of work and we've gotta move as contracts up and its only a 1 bedroomed place that now has damp image not the best growing environment for a baby. so we need to get as much of the expensive stuff as we can so that we're no panicking before hand although we're lucky! we're being given most of the expensive stuff and my parents have offered to buy the car seat after the baby grows out of the carry one. people need to learn this aint the 70's no more. We try to plan more in advanse to help lessen the debt when we have the lo's!
  • People are so rude aren't they...even with things that are none of their business! anyone tries that with me they are so gonna get the full rage of pregnancy hormones as I tell them to sod off and mind their own business!!

    Nothing wrong with buying stuff early - we've been buying clothes for ages and now have plenty of 0-3 months, and we got the pram ordered at around 16 weeks cause we found one on offer that we liked. Personally i'd rather get a lot of the stuff out of the way earlier on then you don't have so much to worry about as you are getting bigger.... shame I'm 32 weeks and haven't got started on the nursery yet really!!! Wish I had it all ready!!
  • My mum says she doesn't want to buy anything until after the baby is born and doesn't want to know the sex. We had 20 week scan yesterday and our little girl is perfect, the rest of my family know what we are having so i am sure she will find out but I do feel a little hurt as its almost like saying something bad will happen and I think as there are so many things that could go wrong we have to be positive or we will be stressed all the time which is very bad for baby. And there is so much to buy so we are finding getting a few bits each month easier than waiting until babies arrival and having to get it then - who would want to shop with a newborn? Besides its not like when I was born and all you had was a second hand carry cot or even a bottom draw for baby, you have to have a carseat now or else you can't bring baby home, then they need somewhere to sleep, clothes, blankets - Ok now I am ranting....think I better speak to my mum and tell her I am a bit hurt......hormones! xxx
  • awwww summer love thats ok we all go there. I'm lucky although i will admit i have started buying early i brought a few cute things off ebay for cheap b4 i wwas even pg! i went to a carboot sale on the sunday after we found out and spent ??20 on the best neutral stuff i have ever seen!!! we both love Eeyore and i love roo but not seen any roo stuff in shops and all eeyore is girlyfied so when i found a bumper thing in beige and white with Eeyore embroidered on and a yellow cot quilt with roo that had a matching organiser plus Lots of sleepsuits and vesty things and yes we'll be buying new but at the moment with funds low Bar boot sales are the best! got a moses basket for a ??1 so after washing it and chucking the quilt (had mold stains on it) it looked brand spanking new. got most of what i need clothes wise for first 3 months and alot for the following months upto a year! plus with people giving stuff away to you.... Had a pushchair in attic (was my nephews but sister didn't like it after buying it) since i was 15 and been offered a pram too have been offered 2 cots, and some other bits... mom's been given a baby carseat carrier thing that has been used once and also she offered to buy the car seat for after...all i need is a few bottles and a sterilizer and an expressor and i'm set i hope (other than toiletries,nappies, etc....)
  • Well how about this comment from my own Mother when I bought a baby outfit @ 20 weeks...You can always sell it if something goes wrong! Cheers Mother I really needed that after all my worrying about being an older mum.
    Sal 25 wks xx
  • OMG my mom would never say something like that! she lost my sister at 7 months and my nan has miscarried 3 boys but never once has either of them said anything negative! i've had only positive responses!
  • i'm still in first trimester too! mom's always offering support and when i spoke to my nan she said it was the one good thing my partner had done with his life lol jokingly of course we have one real negative response and that was from his grandad saying to my partner he'll regret it! they apparently regret becoming parents! i thought that was a mean thing to say but they tried for the few months before they found out to deter dan and i from trying for a baby so we were going to hide it but he got desperate to tell some1 and they started stiring it up in his family (surprise surprise!!!!) well with the support of my family and the love from him and me we should be ok without most of his family and if they want in it on our terms not theirs (they're very controlling people!)
  • Ooh it is so annoying. I got it off my mum when I was in the early stages (she's not v. maternal bless her! but we usually get on well!). I had a lot of early bleeding and was bleeding almost constantly from 5-11 weeks! Which was very scary as you can imagine. Anyway when I started bleeding at 7 weeks I called my mum to tell her that and that I had been booked in for an early scan and she said well it's your own fault for getting excited about it in the early stages, if you lose the baby it won't be that bad cos ur only early and it wasn't even planned (!!!!)

    OK it wasn't planned BUT I was very excited about it, who wouldn't be? When u find out ur pg you don't stop urself getting attached to it because it's impossible. A baby's not a dog, it's part of you and a mc would be devastating anyway whether u were excited or not and whatever stage ur at!

    GRRR!
  • I am now 11 weeks and me and my partner have been telling people since about 9 weeks. Th most common response is "oh you shouldn't be telling people yet, anythig could happen at this stage"!!!! And the worst was a family friend telling me about her neice who discovered she'd MC'd when she went for her first scan!! Gee thanks, what a way to put me at ease with my first pregnancy!!
    Its so infuriating, and worrying when really these people should just say...oh i dont know something along the lines of "congratulations"!
    I dont care what people say though, i am over the moon and as soon as i have that dating scan i will be off to Mothercare with the boyfriends cheque book and an empty car boot!!

    Don't let them get you down ladies, everyone loves to tell a bad story...its all of the wonderful experiences most mothers have that never get passed on!!

    xx
  • luckily i'm past that stage now. but i still get the horrible comments. i am acrrying big for my tiny frame and it bothers me a bit that i have gone from an 8 to a 16. this is my third and definately so far my biggest pregnancy. and i get the comments like your only small, but to me im big so i just shrug it off. also the main horrible comments i get are about names, we know we are having a boy and have so far really struggled to agree on a name, we finally have one that we both like and when people ask what name we are having and i tell them, they pull a face then make a horrible comment. if people don't have anything nice to say they should keep their mouths shut.
  • Hi everybody, I'm a newbie on here but felt compelled to join in. I swear, (family included) if one more person says to me "OMG You're enormous" or "are you sure you're not having twins?", I think I'll have to retort with something along the lines of "haven't you put on a lot of weight since I last saw you?" or "wow, I didn't realise you were expecting too, congratulations".
    I play darts for a local pub team and the barmaid is due the day after me - she has such a lovely neat little but perfectly formed bump (whereas mine is quite big and really round but just as perfect) but so many people compare our sizes making me feel like a big old fatso and her inadequate - The thing is, she was a size 6 when she got pregnant and I was a 12 so we were hardly a similar size to start with, not to mention that it's her 1st baby and my 2nd!!!
    Also, why are people so shocked that I want to buy some new things for my upcoming arrival? Just because I already have a lo doesn't mean the newbie should have EVERYTHING second hand does it? Ooooohhhh it makes me so mad grrrrrr.
    Anyway all, I'll stop ranting now and get back to being happy and excited which feels so much better. Take care all.
  • I saw an old colleague yesterday and she gasped when she found out I was 18 wks and had what she called a massive tummy. She told me that I must be carrying two.....not expecting me to turn round and tell her that I am. Her face just fell and the colour kinda went from her rosy cheeks!!!!!!! Had to laugh xxx
  • ((((Hugs))))
    some people can be just so mean, what an awful thing to say, the only comments i've had have been along the lines of god your big aren't you?
    fwiw i'm also buying bay stuff started before i even reached the 12wk mark and it's not too early imo my opinion your over half way there
    take care
    Beckyx

    22+3 wks down 17+4wks to go
  • I swear, (family included) if one more person says to me "OMG You're enormous" or "are you sure you're not having twins?", I think I'll have to retort with something along the lines of "haven't you put on a lot of weight since I last saw you?" or "wow, I didn't realise you were expecting too, congratulations".


    know the feeling, i'm getting that all the time, did also with my others.
    good comebacks though, m\ay have to use them if i'm ever feeling brave enough lol
  • When I first told people I was pregnant I got one person constantly telling me about people she knew who had miscarried which was awful. She also kept on at me not to 'tempt fate'. Well I'm not a believer for fate - luckily. I'm now 30 weeks.

    The ironic thing was that when I was diagnosed with weak cervix at 22 weeks all I got was positive comments. And yet there I was more likely to have problems than before!
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