MIL! Am I being unreasonable?

MIL has promised to buy us the cot for the baby. We have been looking around and have decided on getting a set from argos with changer and wardrobe (mamas and papas). I don't really wanna pay lots of money for a wardrobe and changer so I thought it would be good to get it and let MIL chip in. I didn't want to order it without asking so when hubby was on the phone to her tonight I asked him to ask if it would be ok to go ahead and get it and she can pay us back. He just happened to ask when she thought she'd have the money (??175) coz we can't really afford to pay out the whole amount (??500). We knew she was skint and asked if January was ok because we thought we would be ok til then to hold off for it. She basically jumped down his throat and asked not to put a time limit on it coz of Christmas etc and she said "it's not like you need it right away because baby will sleep in the moses basket." Can she honestly expect me to wait til after the baby is born (March) before getting a cot? Surely not!!! If she couldn't afford it she should have just said like 4 months ago when she promised and we would have saved more money!!!! I'm left being torn between feeling upset and anxious about paying for it and guilty for asking for the money. There is no way I'm not getting the furniture soon as I would like to be organised but at the same time money isn't exactly flowing.

Any advice?


  • Hi hun
    I can see both sides here I am afraid! As a first time Mum I wouldn't have wanted to leave everything til the last minute or until the baby is born, but with my little one now 16 days old I do realise that I didn't need to buy our cot so soon because he's happy in his moses basket!
    Unfortunately I was/am in the same situation as you as my dad promised to buy our pram so I went ahead and ordered it, paid for it and he now says he's got no money to give us for it. We talked through our choice of pram and costs etc with him before making our decision and I have to say we'd have been forced into having a cheaper one if we knew we'd have been buying it ourselves.
    I wouldn't count on getting the money, especially when you need it because she doesn't exactly sound forthcoming about it. If it was me I would assume it wasn't coming and go from there..... sorry if that's not what you want to hear!!!!
  • No it's ok. The more I read back my post the more selfish I feel about it. I suppose I'm just a worrier and don't like to find out I don't have enough money for things. Looks like I'll be getting it on 6 months interest free lol! I don't want to get my MIl on the wrong side as she has agreed to look after baby for 2 days a week when I go back to work but there are already signs that she is going to be controlling about how baby should be brought up etc. It just doesn't feel fair if she wants all the perks and yet is wiggling out of the responsibilities that she offered to take on. TBH I'm worried. She already wants to be there at the hospital so she's there as soon as baby arrives but I don't want that! I want a chance for hubby and I to bond and at least get a shower before she comes! Oh the politics of family life...don't you love it? lol!
  • Hi, if I were you I would hold on and see what appears in the January sales you may get yourself a bargain. I'm due at the end of December and have only just got a cot and that was because I was very lucky to be given it by a friend! I still have to get a new mattress for it but have decided to wait until lo is here as I have a moses basket for the first few weeks, and its only something else to store.

    Try not to panic too much, I know its nice to be organised and MIL can be very frustrating, but I think if you hold on a bit you may grab yourselves a bargain.

    Liz xx
  • Dont feel guilty for wanting to be organised.... I am buying a cot before baby is born and this is my third...

    My first didnt like the moses basket when he was born and from 2 weeks old he sleep soundly in a cot....

    And the second reason I am buying one is so that at night time I can put the basket in teh cot so I dont have to carry the stand about, basically I would only be transport the basket part of the moses set...

    As for a changer would you really need one.. I know everyone is different but I have never had one... I used to sit on the floor or on my bed... Like I said own preferance please dont take offence....

    But if my mil offered to pay for something I would expect them to have at least some of the money put by... I would be a bit worried incase when the time came and you did need it would she actually have the money!

    Good luck with whatever you decided, but remember this baby belongs to you and you oh and only you can decide what is best for lo and for you

    x x x x
  • Thanks everyone! I think I'll just leave this for a few weeks until I can think what to do. I wasn't planning on actually ordering it til Jan. I just want to start putting the money away before Christmas takes over!

    Tigerfeet- you're right I don't really need a changer but the set is good value as some places charge a fortune for nursery furniture so it's just a wee bonus (it's actually mainly a chest of drawers). I've changed my mind about a million times on what I want and that's why I just settled for this coz I thought it would be easier. :lol:

    Anyway...I'm rambling now. Suppose I've just got myself wound up.
  • Hi
    I know its hard as it is the "mil", however try not to stress over it. My mil has said she will buy my cots but am not holding out much hope. She promised my mum and dad some money when we got married, only to change her mind two months before the wedding!! I dont actually intend to buy my cots until they are born, but understand those who want to beforehand. Wait until January, you never know she might surprise you!! xxx
  • Find out about the surestart maternity grant! If you arent on tax credits yet claim it once babe is born and its an extra ??500 but if you are then you could have the money for the Jan sales! Dont get stressed out bout it! Bet shes not! Sounds like u should think that she wont be keeping her promise but bonus if she does!
  • and as for wanting to be at the hospital when you're in labour, DON'T tell her!!! lmao
  • I phoned her back to see how she was and she seems to have calmed down. I'm not any surer about the situation but at least she's on side for now.
  • personally i think you have a valid point, theres no way i would wait until after the birth to have my cot, i'm 32wks and have got everything-but still stressed as we havent decorated yet-money def isn't flowing here either but people have helped us out and everyone seems to realise that you need it all beforehand i think MIL is being alittle unfair
  • hiya

    i had exactly the same thing with my mil wanting to wait at the hosp when i was in labour. there was no way i was letting her so was just not going to tell her i was in labour, but then my mw said that only birthing partners are allowed in the delivery suite and then you get tranx to the ward where no one is allowed apart from daddy unless its visiting times, so check with your mw. unless you get tranx to the ward during visiting (which is only a couple of hours a day) you will be fine. apart from that i was in labour for 16 hours, stayed at home for 4 hours, then had an emer section, so was in the hosp for 14 hours before going to the ward in the middle of the night, which would have been a hell of a long time to wait, and no ward is going to let a visitor in at midnight!! good luck xx
  • All i can say is, as much as it's lovely to have matching set's and brand new things, that isn't the be all and end all. It is a shame that the MIL has let you down, but why don't you just settle for something cheaper, that way you dont have to wait? Ikea do very reasonably priced stuff if you're wanting new, or try getting second hand from ebay, a second hand shop or look out for adverts in papers? That way you'll have it before the baby comes..
  • Not sure what to say about the cot situation, but I would def lay down the law now if you don't want her there at the hospital. She will just wind you up if it's not what you want. And like it or not, it's YOUR and YOUR OH's baby. Not hers. It does sound like she's trying to muscle in too much already.

    If you put it really diplomatically she'll hopefully understand. I agree that it's important for you and your OH to have bonding time and space etc (if that's what you want of course).

    We're not going to have parents there until we're ready for it. And I'll be telling my MIL and FIL (in the nicest possible way) that they can't stay here at our place if they visit straight away. I want me, my hubby and our bubba to come home together. Just the three of us with no guests actually sleeping over. My brother in law lives 40 mins away so they can stay there.

    I do think it's important to politely lay the bondaries early on. My Mum made the mistake of letting her MIL muscle in too much and lived to regret it!
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