Birthing partners

Hi all,
Hope we are all well? I was hoping for some opinions about birthing partners from those who have already had babies and what the plans are for those who havent.

We live 130 miles from all parents so firstly am wondering when to call people- when I go into labour or after baby is born? Also am worried about what everyone will do as in will they want to stay up this end and where? B&B/ our house (not really an option as our house is tiny).

Secondly I am worried about who I should have with me at the birth, Hubby will be there obviously, couldnt do it without him and he really wants to be there. But do we have a 2nd birthing partner? I just worry Hubby may not cope too well IF things dont go to plan. He is a very sensitive soul and quite emotional at times. My plan was always to have my best friend with me and I would be with her but we are now both pregnant and she is due 5days after me so we cant really do it!

I would love to have my SIster with me as I was with her for both her labours and I think she would be a real support for Hubby, they get on very well. BUT I know my Mum is desperate to be with me as she was with my Sister also so has seen both Grandchildren come into the world. Now this was fine when my Neice was born in June as my Sister was on her own but I think Mum might take over and I want Hubby to be in ultimate control etc with me in labour. He said he is happy with whatever I want but if my Mum were there and was taking over he wouldnt feel comfortable telling her to back off- they get on well but he doesnt like confrontation!

The other options we have spoken about are another friend, my old neighbour has 2 kids and is happy to be with us or not, whatever we choose so no risk of upsetting her but she does have 2 kids so how easy would it be for her if I were in labour a long time? Or we said about my Mum coming in whilst I am in labour and having contractions, to support Hubby and be company if I am asleep/ out of it/ he needs a drink/ the loo etc, but asking her to leave when I start pushing so we do the last bit alone.

God sorry this has turned into an epic post!

So opinions please...


  • This is our first baby so I don't have any advice on what works well but as both our families live 3 hours away (and we're not very close anyway) we will be going it alone...

    I just hope hubby is up to the job! x
  • Hi hunny, if you want just you and hubby then go for it! You'd be suprised at how well these sensitive men types cope when they need to lol. My older bro normally faints at the slightest hint of blood, and my SIL tells me he was fantastic!
    I've always had my OH and my mum with me, and must say i like having 2 people there as you're not left on your own if one needs the loo or whatever. This time around, i'm actually going to be having my mum deliver! I'm so glad, as i know she'll really look after me, not that another midwife wouldnt, but obviously my mum will be so muchmore supportive! She is a student so will have a qualified midwife with her, and i was lucky enough to be able to choose who i wanted, its a lady i know and have worked with so i feel really happy and positive about this labour!
    The only dilemma i'm having is that as my mum will be at the business end as it were lol, she won't be able to give me the support she could if she werent delivering. She'll be needing to write her notes etc etc so i'm thinking of asking my SIL to be there too, just so i have that extra support and OH will be able to leave me without feeling guilty if he needs a drink or the loo! Sorry to ramble on, i hope this all made sense and was helpful! xxx
  • Thanks ladies, I am sure Hubby will cope when it comes to it but I suppose I am just being a control freak wanting it all sorted when in reality who knows what will happen!

    His Brother's wife had a baby last week and she had her Mum there so he is going to talk to him and see what he thinks about having a MIL there!
  • It is complicated, isn't it? I am having my husband and my mother there, although if I need to ask my mother to leave, I will have no hesitation in doing so. I need my husband for support but I think my mother will be a more forceful advocate on my behalf. And, as lynz says, it will be a relief to know that if one of them needs a break, the other one can be there instead.

    Good luck with your decision!
  • i was too worried about how my hubs would cope when i was pregnant with our eldest, as he too is quite a sensitive soul, but do you know what...he stepped up to the mark in a way i didn't he was capable of!!! he was so helpful and attentive, making sure i was comfortable, but he wasn't in my face every 5 mins mins asking if i was ok, and was there anything i needed. He also managed to get my feelings and opinions on how i wanted the birth, conveyed to the mw's who were looking after me. i found him a tower of strength, and he has been the same in my other labours...he actually thinks he's a pro!!!! with regards to having a 2nd birth partner, i'm not much help i'm afraid, none of our families were interested in the pregnancys or impending births of any of our lo's, but at the end of the day hun, it's about what will be most comforting to you!!! if you want your mum or sister there then have them there, just explain to them well in advance, that it will be ur oh who will be the main support for you. hope all works out well for you hun xxxx
  • Hi lovely.

    If it helps, I'll tell you what hubby and I have decided for each of these things and our reasons for those decisions and maybe it'll just give you some ideas / alternative thoughts.

    Firstly birthing partners (as this bit is short for me!)... it'll only be hubby in the room, we just don't want anyone else there, for us, it's our special time. I do have concerns about how hubby will cope / handle it all (not helped by his mate telling him that ???????he's never seen one person in so much pain in his life ever.??????? yeah cheers!!!) but we are not planning on anyone else being there for the birth except us two. This links into hospital visitors... I personally don't want every man and his dog seeing me in hospital, no doubt looking a state! I have therefore only said that my Mum and Dad, hubby's Dad (his Mum is no longer with us) and my Sister can visit me in hospital (unless of course something changes meaning I will be in for a longer period of time). I'm not even asking my Brother!!! So anyway, my Mum will be at the hospital, and if we need her, I can ask her to come into the room, but she's staying totally at the non business end, I'm not that close to Mum!!!

    We are telling my Mum & Dad, my sister & brother, hubby's Dad and his brothers when I have gone into labour... we are not telling friends or other family members as if my labour turns out to be long, we could both do without a tonne of phone calls about whether baby has arrived yet etc. etc. When baby is here, we've given a list of people to be told straight away to hubby's Dad and my Mum and they can do it for us (although to be honest, I think I will want to text most of -my' friends myself, Mum will just inform extended family).

    My family are all close - well the family that matter - my aunts and uncles and cousins etc. all live about 2hrs away but they won't come to visit and we are totally fine with that. They'll get to see pictures and see the baby as and when.

    Hubby's family are about 3hrs away and I am HOPING they will come and visit us very soon after baby is here, but I'm not holding my breath! One of his brothers is on hols for most of April anyway, so will no doubt miss the arrival and the other is considering booking a holiday over the due date!!! We haven't told them yet, but will be saying that we can't put them up overnight so I think they'll either arrange a hotel or go home again in the same day. I know it sounds mean, but I don't really care if they have a problem with this, for me personally, I have to concentrate on my new baby and hubby. We will ask my Mum to stay for a week if we feel we need her help, but she is only 15-mins away anyway, so can stay at hers overnight and just visit us in the day to help out.

    You need to do what is right for YOU and your hubby! This is an amazing special time! Also, just because what I'm doing is right for me, doesn't mean its right for you or anyone else! We're all different!

  • Some good thoughts here. I really want to do this alone (well with Hubby) but think he needs 'someone' there just incase. We are going back to see the family again in March (last time before baby arrives) and I have decided to talk to my Mum so we all know where we stand.

    I think I will get Hubby to call the immediate family when I am actually in labour (Regular contartctions and/or waters gone) so they can make their way up here. I will say to my Mum she can come and see me and maybe stay for a little while but when I am ready to push she is to go and wait with the others. I just hope it doesnt upset her but then this is mine and Hubby's baby and she will have to deal with it (god that sounds so harsh and not how I want it to at all!)

    With regards to visiting I dont mind who comes to see us in the hospital! Infact I have this fear that I wont have any visitors as this happened to a lady in hospital when my SIster was in. My Mum ended up bring her fruit and flowers etc as both her and my Sis were in a week!

    We wont be having ANYONE to stay with us for at least the 1st week or 2 as Hubby will be at home. Again am happy with any day visitors and I know if my family come(who am I kidding with if?) WHEN my family come they will bring food and get their own tea etc and wont expect me to cater for them.

    Lastly we have agreed that both Mums can come and stay (seperatley!) for a week when Hubby goes back to work.
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