Feeling upset today- Not pregnancy related....

Hi all I just needed to get something off my chest and a little advice as I am very confused.

Basically my husband left his laptop here last night and I went into mail as earlier on in the day he said that it had saved my account from last time I was on there, but went in there and it was his mail. Now I know a lot of you will think this is naughty but I took a peek. To cut along story short when he gets a message in facebook he gets a message sent to his inbox with details of message, now there were hundreds of these messages from these 2 girls. Really flirting and it definately wasnt my imagination but he must have been doing it back due to the replies he had! There was one (I know the girl anyway she is a trollop) basically saying oh no I though you 2 (meaning me and him) were ok due to the baby etc, then the message goes on saying how they will meet up and the fact he has kids wouldnt bother her. So obviously he has said we have split up or something wtf????

I know I have been a moody cow lately but it is third pregnancy and isnt stupid and knows a lot of it is hormones, we also havnt had sex for weeks and just been quite distant. We have been down this road before just after I had my first and had post natel and I still dont always believe his account of what happened that time as there was just too much evidence against him.

I did text him last night not telling him about the messages but asking him if he has ever cheated or thought about cheating and the reply saying how he would never hurt me and then how noone would fancy him as he is a fat pale geek(his words) But then I get a message asking me if I am cheating thats y he got the message? Again wtf he asked me this a couple of weeks ago too the funniest thing is I dont go out anywhere ever and would never have anyone here the girls would grass me up so no there is no way? Its now made me think that he keeps questioning me as he is up to something again.

Sorry for the long post I am just a little confused. I am off to my mums today so not going to be around him and going to ask my mum but she is a little angry with him at the moment for not helping me with anything and just being difficult so her reply would be a little biased.

Hope your all well

xx

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Posts

  • what is it with these men!!!!!
    if he has had that many replies it would seem to me that he has at least encouraged it???
    i also blame the girls tho i mean if u knew a guy was expecting a baby i wouldnt go near him (thats me tho).
    at kirks (oh) work there is a 5 month pregnant woman and she has offered it to him on a plate!!! luckly kirk got scared (bless) and came home and told me!!!
    i think u need to talk to him about it see what he says although i dont really know what he could say that would explain it???? also when they turn it round and ask if ur cheating it usually means (2 me) that they r doing something they shouldnt although he has probably not cheated he has probably just been a silly boy lol
    good luck and make him suffer 4 a while!!!
    vicky 37+3
  • Oh hun, it does sound very bad for your hubby and men do tend to put the whole cheating thing on you when it is them doing it. I dont know what to say, if it was me id write back to the [[["ladies"]]] on facebook and tell them you are having a baby and that you are not split or unhappy with your husband and to leave him and your family alone, then id tear into him and tell him he has another baby on the way and if he cant get his priorities right to bugger off as you dont need the stress in late pregnancy. This might be the wake up call he needs. x
  • Hi hon sorry to hear that you are having problems with your man, I agree with Diane that if they put it back on you then they are normally hiding something and that he needs to grow up and take responsibility for you and his children and if he can't do that then I think you need to seriously think about your future. You need to do what makes you and your children happy! Tammi xxx
    33 wks
  • hi i really feel for you, this is the last thing you need when pregnant. what i wonder tho, is if he was up to something, i dont think he would have told you to go on his laptop ? or would even have left it lying around.i think if he had something to hide he would have kept the laptop from you. it seems strange to me that he'd risk you seeing those messages.

    i do agree that i think guys start with the questions about if you are cheating when they are doing it themselves.

    i think you should just confront him saying you saw the messages and see what his explaination is. either that or wait a while not letting on and see if you find out many more. if he knows you are suspicious he may be more secretive.

    really, you need to think of the baby and your kids, you do not need this and the fact that he had done this before cant help atall.

    i think youjust need to try and focus on them for now regardless of what happens with him, stresing about it is not going to help anything. hope everything work so out x


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  • Just thought I'd check and see if you are ok now? Did speaking to your mum help? I don't really know what to say as I've never been in this situation.

    Hope everything gets sorted.

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  • having been mentally tortured by my (now ex-) husband's cheating and my suspicions i would say that if you suspect anything at all for whatever reason, do not confront him just yet. i made that mistake and although it carried on he was always 'on the ball', always had an excuse and back up for eveyerthing he did/everywhere he went so i never ever got the full truth (which was so hard to deal with).

    however, i do think that far too many men are just 'stupid', putting themselves into dangerous situations and not realising how out of hand things can get or how guilty they can look by doing something they consider as innocent, as women often read a lot into things.

    that's not to say i think he is guilty or innocent. just be aware of things he does and changes in his behaviour on the whole.. i tell you what... facebook has a lot to bloody answer for!

    i also found that not telling my mum my suspicions helped me deal with it a whole lot better as she can be so interfering and i didnt want her to make things difficult if things worked out in the end (regardless of his guilt or innocence).

    dont let it torture you hun. I hope things get sorted.
    xx
  • have u cheeked in sent meages to see what his reply was?
  • Hi all many thanks for the replies.

    I got home from my mums today and he knew something was wrong, so I basically told him what happened and how I felt about it all. I know anyway he isnt having an affair he wouldnt have the time for a start, I was more upset about the flirting and saying we wasnt together.

    Anyhow, he did say to me he maybe enjoyed the attention as he is a little insecure about putting on a lot of weight recently and me and him maybe being a little distant. At first he did get a little angry as I looked at the laptop and blamed it all on me. But he then did soften where e let everything go.

    He did understand how it upset me so much and said that he was in the wrong cos if I had done that to hi he would go mad.. He didnt mean to leave the inbox open as he always signs out of everything and has different passwords to stop me looking but where he knows he is so much in the wrong now he is going to stop being so secretive as that only fuels the paranoia(sp).

    He has left for work now and I feel a lot better that we have spoken about it. I hope he wont be doing it again but definately if he does he will be out the door.

    Sorry to go on again. xxxxx

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  • i would smash his face in! smash her face in! then smash his face in again! sorry if thius isnt constructive but it sets my teeth on edge. i hate women who are sad enough to steal other ppl's men and i hate the sad pathetic men who think "oh woah is me my pregnant wife is sooo hormaonal and not interested in me just the baby" im sorry but he sounds like a wanker, sort him out!! best of luck to you honey. xxx
  • oh hun if uv got a facebook add her as a freind then on your status line put .....is very happy husbund n i couldnt be more exited about baby. that'll f*ck her day right up xxxxxxx
  • I like that one lolly, it annoyed me soo much cos she knows me anyway, I have a low opinion of her before now so know its just made it worse. If I wasnt pregnant I definately would smack her for the bare faced cheek of it. xxxx

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  • she's just a sad cow who cant get a man of her own!!!! i really hate girls who play stupid games to make themselves feel pretty n more important! grrrg arrrrg xx
  • smack her when youve had the baby then i bloody would. or at least go knock on her door and shout loudly enough so that her neighbours can hear what a slag she is. i wouldnt feel too sorry for you hubby and his self esteem issues either, youve had 3 of his bloody kids for gods sake, like you wont have self esteem issues. id make him suffer.
  • hi hun. just wanted to say that you should ask him out straight. i tryed the not actually admitting id seen them trick and it didnt work. in the end, it was me admitting id heard OH on recording saying certain things that it finally came out. i told him id heard it and he admitted to it all after i had been driving myself crazy for weeks thinking about it. im not saying your man is up to anything but im just given you my story.
  • lol I had something like this not long ago at the begining of my pregnancy although he didn't reply (and yes i did check properly my stalking skills are slightly worrying!! lol) I confronted OH about it said that he got flirty messages from one girl inparticular but when they apeared on his facebook page he panicked and deleted them... I think he was quite relieved I knew tbh but didn't want to say anything because he knew there would be a row... I was more annoyed at not been told!
    I did decided to send her a very arsey email as I don't know her and sent it to him at the same time so she knew he knew I knew... lol if that makes sence?

    I felt FAB after I sent it! & it sorted the problem out! I'll post it here for you to take a read, use it if you want! I just thought she was discusing he had our scan picture as his profile photo at the time, has he is engaged and there are a million photos of us together!

    I take it you find my fella attractive?

    Well... let me set you straight babe... your coming across as desperate! Slightly amusing but desperate all the same!

    Clearly he is in a long term relationship; we live together, were engaged, love each other, and are having a child together as you well know! I don't blame you for thinking he is HOT... because clearly he is, but well out of your league, can't blame you for trying though!

    I think his actual reference regarding you was as he laughed -babe she is well rough!' when I questioned why some sleazy whore was sending him -a provocative dance' which he had already delete as he had felt its was highly inappropriate and to be truly honest embarrassing.

    Where is your dignity? Self respect? Perhaps even a little ability to get what you want from a fella in a sophisticated way, without putting it out there on a plate!?

    From the look of your page you're clearly opening your legs for anything! What sort of example is that to set to your child? Surely you should know better having a little one! Are you really that naive? Obviously if this is how you produced him to begin with, that emanates far more negative connotations about you than I really wish to think about...

    Anyway I am not here to question your clear lack of good morality and values just to inform you that I am aware of your actions and although faintly bemused as to what you felt you hoped to gain from it, I just wanted remind you although you might be jealous at what I have ... it's clearly mine.

    I am mate guarding certainly not because I fine you a threat (there have been far prettier girls that haven't managed to tempt him!) purely as its evident that 1. You are attempting infringing upon personal relationship & 2. You haven't taken an notice of Simon telling you the same as above however, its possible he may have been slightly more polite... considering how you have presented yourself I didn't think that message was effective enough.

    So I am now telling you again in language perhaps you'll understand!! (Maybe I should have substituted some of the bigger words for little ones for you?) But I think you get the general idea...!! Fuck Off!


    not sure you want to use it but like I said i felt great after writting and sending it! even if i was very bitchy, i felt it was well diserved!! xx
  • it_ must _be _love i bloody love it!!! think i may copy n paste and lend it to a friend who's having similar trouble. you star! x
  • It must be love I love the message!! I told a few of my friends last night who see her out all the time and dont like her anyway. All I can say now is I really doubt she will be doing it again for a while the talking to she got from them oh and the fat lip!

    I feel loads better today I have seriously go to think about the trust issues that are now in our relationship but for now I will let him grovel some more!

    xx

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  • Oh hun im so glad you got it sorted, It must be love, you go girl!!!!! You sound like a woman after my own heart! xxxxx
  • lol yeah it most certainly did the trick! just like magic... I did get a reply something to the effect of she didn't fancy him and that she had a boyfriend (even though her profile said single) and she told me to 'grow up'... to which I responed was great advice coming from someone who behaves like her...

    I was left with the higher moral ground, the fact that OH was included in the email meant she couldn't play any more games... I was beaming! and she fucked off! lol pecfect i'd say! xx good luck let us know how you get on? xx
  • seriously kick arse message must be love !!!!!! i bet she didnt dare go on her page 4 weeks after that. xxx madnbella+blue bump glad ur feeling better n its a good way to get u through labour just keep thinking as soon as this babys out im gonna slap the lip gloss off that cheap bitch! xxxxx
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