Child Support?? Confused

After much discussion my ex and i have decided that he will contribute child maintenance when our baby is born in August.

He asked how much i thought was suitable and i havent got a clue. I have never even thought about it and actually feel quite low at the thought of taking money off him.

He says rather then going through the CSA it would be better to set up a standing order from his account to mine every month.

Is this the case? And how much do most absent fathers contribute to their babys upbringing???

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  • I just dont know how much is suitable. He keeps asking but i havent a clue????

    Its not like ive done this before, im as new to this as he is xx
  • I guess it will depend on how much you are going to need - will you have rent/mortgage payments? Do you have an income of your own? Are you going to have to go back to work and leave baby with a childminder?

    I would firstly work out what your monthly outgoings are - long term if possible - and then add on how much you are going to need extra for the baby (nappies, formula etc)

    Then perhaps work out how much your ex brings home a month and what his outgoings are and then come to an arrangement - personally I would have thought 25% of his net salary would be fair (eg so if he earns ??1500 net a month then to give you ??375) but obviously this depends on all the above factors.

    Abby xxx
  • I know my mam went through the CSA and they were a joke! She got ??2.50 a week for two kids!!!
    My Oh pays for his daughter through the csa (which was done at his request) and we pay ??25 a week for her, she is almost 15, however we normally have her upto 4 or 5 nights a week sometimes more.
    You need to wrok out what you need to live on and how much help he is going to be when looking after lo, fir example will he take the baby overnight at weekends? Tammi xxx
  • I was living in a private rented flat but cannot afford it with a baby so have had to move back to my parents for a year or two to save money for a deposit for a mortgage. (which isnt very suitable but i dont really have a choice)

    I am working at the moment and earning ??14698 per year.

    Monthly i am paying off money for my car finance, car insurance, mobile phone, personal loan, dig money to parents and ??400 a month to my credit card (am doing so so that it will be cleared by the time baby is born and i can save for a house)

    I will be returning to work when the baby is 4 months old and my mum can look after her in the afternoons meaning i only have to pay for a childminder between 8.30am and 1pm.

    My ex is earning ??17000 a year but has just bought a house with his two best mates so has mortgage repayments to make as well as his flash car repayments and phone bills / car insurance and going out 3/4 nights per week (which i am no longer abe to do)

    I dont want him to resent making a contribution to her upbringing all this is making me really uneasy


  • You can get a calculation of what the CSA would make him pay online. I used it to check that what my oh is paying for his girls was fair and its was. It is all related to his salary/take home pay.
  • My ex wants to have my daughter overnight at least 2 nights a week but i dont think this is suitable so am not willing to let it happen. I have posted another question about this would really like some advice xxx
  • If it went through the CSA on his wages he would pay you roughly ??52 a week now.
    The guy I am seeing has 2 girls, 8 and 11, on his wages he pays ??97 a week for the 2.

    However if you do go through the CSA now, by law if he has the baby 2 nights a week he doesn't have to pay any money at all. So, keeping it between the 2 of you is the way to go if you can.
  • Im not letting him have overnight access to her at all.

  • I think he wants to get a contract written up stating how much hes gonna be paying. For some reason he seems keen to avoid the CSA

    I just dont know what is classes as adequate in these circumstances
  • With regards to CSA making you give him overnight access, this would depend on him being able to provide a safe secure environment, no? From the sounds of his set-up, he cannot guarantee the guys he lives with won't be doing god-knows-what. I think offering overnight access if staying at his parents is fair.

    Don't feel bad about getting him to contribute. He made this baby with you and he wants to be a part of her life - even if he's made a royal fool of himself so far.

    Completely agree with Saint Bertie - get whatever you agree written up professionally, signed and witnessed - offer to pay for this yourself if needs be as it's completely worth it if/when he meets someone else who hopes to make happy families with him... lets hope once his daughter's born he steps up to the plate for her and starts treating you with more respect. xx
  • I didn't say he HAD to have her over night, I was saying that IF they do then the CSA won't chase them.

    You can opt out of contacting the CSA on Income support but they take ??20 off you, not sure if it is a week of a month.
  • It is true what most people are saying. My sister and her boyfriend broke up when she was pregnant and her lo is now 5yrs old. She notified CSA when he was 6 months old as he wasnt paying anything and she is still waiting. In 5 yrs he has contributed about ??50 (waste of space he is!) and csa are useless! He works and they know where he lives so theres no excuse!

    My DH has 2 children and he pays ??320pcm. This is done by standing order to her bank account. We do have them to stay lots though so it really does depend!
    Good Luck.x
  • yeah they don't make your life easy that is for sure.

    I am on benefits as well and i won't be going through the CSA with Jake as we have agreed that for what he had to pay me for Grace, I could keep the car. We took finance o9ut on it and then he got loan to clear the finance through his bank as I needed a bigger car for the kids etc. The payment to the bank is still less than he pays the bank for the car, and he is going to help with getting her bits ad bobs like nappies etc.
    I am lucky though, he is being good about it.
  • Hi
    This area of life is definately a minefield!! I had my daughter nearly 11 years ago and was never with her dad. My mum works for a solicitor and we managed to get a copy of the forms they use to work these things out.
    They take into account loans, and other dependants. We drew up a signed document and I've had 200 a month DD ever since.
    I later divorced my husband and he paid the same for his son-for a while but now I struggle to get it. I get cash and not as much as I should. I was fine with this while he was short but to be honest now I'm struggling and wished I'd got this one set up DD too!!
    Good luck with whatever you decide-though I must say I have never heard anyone having an easy time with CSA!
    Lydia xx
  • oh chick, i am used to it now don't worry.

    Real name is Erica by the way
  • The CSA make me mad!
    I have a friend who hardly gets paid much for her 2 daughters even though ex hubby has a good job - she knows he has since had a couple of pay rises but they won't take that into consideration...& he doesn't care if he sees the girls & only has them over to cut his CSA payments.
    On the other side of it my brother-in-law has a daughter who he hardly gets to see as the mother always messes him about & cancels etc (him & the family would love her to be part of the family), he has a badly paid job (bar work) & lots of outgoings (rent etc) & the CSA take a huge wedge from him, when he had a one-off bonus the CSA suddenly took about 3/4 of his wages!

    They just don't make sense. Definitely get something in writing that's legally binding if you don't go through the CSA.
  • i must say i think it depends on circumstances, when me and lucy's dad split up 4 years ago he offered me ??90/month. I was told by my solicitor to try the CSA as they had supposedly improved their service greatly.

    I'm glad I did as they awarded me ??270/month and always chase up any missed payments. I didn't find the process bad at all. As someone said before go on the CSA website they had a calculator on there, you can input wages etc and number of nights dad will have LO and will work out payments.

    If you do decide to sort it together you really must have a legal doc drawn up, you never know what will happen in years to come.

    Good luck with everything

    [Modified by: lucysmum97 on May 13, 2008 10:21 PM]

    [Modified by: lucysmum97 on May 13, 2008 10:21 PM]

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