Families! AUGH!!!! Grrrrrrrrrr.....

Hello Girls,

Sorry for the rant but I really have to vent somewhere!

I am London Irish and have been brought up a Roman Catholic! I don't practice it's a choice I have thought about and one that I think is right for me at this current time...

I have been in a relationship for five & a half years... we love each other very much and have wanted this child for a long time!
I have currently got an aunt staying with me whom lived locally until recently but has moved back to Ireland now that she has retired. She is very pro - marriage despite its hypocrisy with in our family insists upon pushing her will on to me.
I am 13 weeks pregnant & I am about to move in with my boyfriend - the simple reason we haven't done so already is purely because we live in the middle of a nice part of London & doing so would mean that we were unable to go on all the beautiful holidays we have done, be unable to go for nice meals, weekends away, & so on... we stay at each others houses every night and have done from about 6 months into the relationship.
Obviously, with a child it is important that we have a stable environment and a home is a good start... our priorities have changed as now not only do we come first to each other but so does our long awaited baby.
I get out of the bath and just asked out of conversation -Ooo when I get quite big I'd like to get one of those belly casts done... I'd like it painted white and black beautiful lettering saying -made with love' written on it... what do you think?'
Well from there the conversation degenerated into -well I don't like the idea of it, we never would of gone flaunting it around like that, I wouldn't like to remember how big I was, the problem today is that nobody abstains and in schools they don't teach children properly that they shouldn't be having sex, they just show them how to put on a condom and that's why we have all the problems we have today, nobody will know who their farther is because nobody ever gets married, and these young mums having babies at 12 and 13 or even 16 it's children bring up children...
My response was I don't actually believe abstinence works I think people have always had sex when they were supposed to hence the Magdalene sisters... I believe that the delay technique she be taught which is when...
At which point I was cut down and told that I -think I know it all' and that it's wrong to blah blah blah... I asked the question was it -so difficult to listen to my point of view and how did this conversation get to here when I asked a simple pleasant question?' Why does it have to turn into an argument about my current situation (being pregnant and unmarried and fairly young although I'm 25 and in a long term healthy relationship - good by today's standards) It always turns into having her will and views imposed upon me... telling me to pray to God... It drives me nuts! I mean she is not particularly old and of course her views are valid but they are her point of view she seems to think its the only one that matters and if I dare suggest anything that is not with her liking she begins to make personal remarks and criticisms apposed to just discussing it like adults!
It was left with her making a condescending comment to the effect of -well you clearly think you know best...'
Which wasn't my point at all it was just I asked a nice question I don't know why it ALWAYS has to turn...

Delay by the way is teaching children and young people about building there self esteem and valuing them selves to give them all the correct information so that they can make an informed decision about when they are really ready and doing -it' for the right reasons, & about when they can get the fulfilment they desire from other sources such as good friendships, and that if they wait a little while longer till they are sure they don't loose anything but if they rush loosing their virginity they cant take it back. That you raise the bar and tell them that sex should be pleasurable in the right circumstances and that often young people whom haven't waited till they have been sure or have done it while they are drunk often regret their choices. As well as teaching them about how it's done!

Sorry for the rant and thank you so much for taking the time to read this! xxx

Posts

  • Oh my word, dearie me!
    Love just you remember you have a partner who loves you very much & who you love too & never worry what the rest of the world (including your family) think!
    PS Congratulations on your pregnancy & hope all goes well for you xxx
  • I'm not Catholic and nor are my family but I've had the same opinions put on me & it can be so difficult to see it from the side of the older generations. I don't believe in marriage myself - I love it when other people get married, but in this day & age it seems a little pointless if you're in a long term relationship anyway. Just my opinion.

    I thought most people thought the same these days but apparently not! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are young (19 & 21) and although it was unplanned, I always wanted children young anyway. People have judged me...not for my age...but because I'm not married! :\?

    Just try and ignore your aunt. It would get to me too. In my opinion if you can love your child and make a good life for him or her then that's enough, it doesn't matter if you are 14 or 40. And especially as you sound in a great position to have a baby then she has no right to judge you.

    However I guess you have to remember that she had a different upbringing & to respect that...but still she shouldn't ram it down your throat...times have changed!

    I think the cast idea is sweet anyway...I'm having a 4D scan on friday and the amount of jip I've had from family for that! Bloody hell! "What's the point of that..." *Blah blah* "We never had luxuries like that".

    I have started buying things which I think is fair enough as I am 26 weeks pregnant now but nooooo apparently according to my boyfriend's nan it is bad luck to buy anything before it's born. Gah!

    And as for finding out the sex (I'm having a boy) I'm SO sick of people asking why did you want to know, *I* think it's wrong....GRRRRR!

    Wish they'd shut up about their day and let us get on with it hehe! Rant over xxx
  • Hiya, I was also bought up a catholic, but thank god my immediate family haven't been too bad am 21 not married but been with oh for 4 years. Think my grandma was a bit disappointed but she didn't really say nethin bout it luckily. Haven't really spoken to aunties but think one of them wil b a rite uppity bitch bout it cos she like that most of the time ne way! It does my head in when people r so judgemental, and even tho they're family at the end of the day its urs and ur ohs life. Doesn't matter if ur married or not i really don't get the big deal bout bein married b4 u hav a baby!
    xxx
  • lmao the *oldies* are so set about how thing should be as they were a hundred yrs ago they don['t stop to think did cave men get married I THINK NOT! is it safe to assume that there werte no kids conceive out of wedlock EVER in our history I THINK NOT! when will their lil fantasy world die!as you've guessed it i've had similar! lol MIL said we should get married b4 we conceive lol oops 2 weeks later implant out and we're pregnant HAHAHAHA don't tell anyone too early as soon as we knew the world knew (if i had a mc then they'd no why the sad face lol and not ask). DOn't buy things too early oop we went to a car boot sale that weekend we found out and spent ??20 on clothes and bits for baby like a moses basket! Don't buy too much as everyone else will want to buy stuff... well we've been given most of the stuff and spent a total of ??35-40 MAX on stuff and we're kitted out lol Nan is getting curtains for nursery not sure what aunt is buyin going to write a list for mom of lil things like moses basket mattress andbedding and stuff that we need lol we'll see. We've saved money on using freecycle and car bootsales which you can pick what looks good and get it at real good prices image well chuffed i never listened to the *oldies* advise (*oldies* refers to those with old fashioned opions not age)
  • My mums family are catholic but only one (my aunt) is still practising - oh dear fallen catholics are they not the worst!!??
    Anyway, the opinions she comes out with sometimes are, quite frankly, appalling and it gobsmacks me to believe they are still teaching such outdated ideas in the world we have today. However, I have no problems with my aunt believing in them, everyone is entitled to their opinion blah blah, what bothers me is that it is her way or the highway. 'I know you don't believe the same things as me, Mel', no you don't you've never asked what I believe! I object to anothers view point being forced on me - I respect her beliefs, she should respect mine, but I feel it is often not like that in her religion. So you are not alone in having mad old aunties, love!! xx
    ps as for all the random peoples opinions on being pregnant - oh my god, don't get me started on that one - at what point did we become public property?! x
  • girls medicine is the best laughter and really you have made me see its silly to let her dated views get to me... I'd just love to be intitled to my own opinion about my own situation without negitive connotations being cast upon my lovely bundle of joy!

    lol thinking of something outragious to tell her now that i'm finding it funny (better than nearly being in tears like earier) might tell her I'll have the birth filmed and everyone can come round to watch it after lol (not really going to just might be amused to see her waging her finger and know that it okay she be going home in a few days!)
    this website and the girls on it are a dream come true how good it is to be able to laugh!! thank you xxx
  • im london irish too babe moved here when i was 14. roman catholic too but not practising within last three years. Well family are a fucking pain arn't they, especially when you aint married and som old bidy wants to have her say. blah blah blah. a lot of old clobbled bullshit if you ask me.

    I am with a mixed race boy here in london and justheadin for 16 weeks pregnant on thursday, i brought Jason home in july to meet my family and while my parents were grea, god my grandparent were a nightmare. the looked at him like he was a fucking alien. i felt so embarassed, but after a few minutes they loved him. When i told my grandparents i was pregnant over the phone, my grandad asked the obvious question 'whens the big day? you need a ring on that finger beofre any baby pops out, back in my day there was none of this you see we did things tighr, blah blah blah' drove me fucking mad but hey the are just old fashioned, but your completely right!!!!!

    sarah 15+5weeks xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • my aunt has just come into me and said I suspose people keep casts off there arm when it's been broken... so it might be nice! lol

    (I take it thats her sorry!)
  • huh? people keep casts off their arm when its broken what a very weird analogy!
  • lol she has just retired but she was a nurse for many many years! seems to make sence to her??
  • At least she has said sorry (kind of)

    My dads family are catholic, although none of them practise it to my knowledge, and my grandmother fell out with me when i moved in with my now husband as we were living in sin. This then resulted in me falling out with all of my dads family and my dad. My auntie and cousin once screamed abuse at me in asda!!! I have not spoken to any of them for years now and dont intend to unless they apologise. Im not pregnant yet but i dont need the hassle when i do have children. I know mine sound like psychos (they are) but sometimes its still hard when its constant nagging as its hard to shout back. Im not suggesting you fall out with all your family just telling you my experience of the catholic side of my family.

    Do many people keep their casts when they have broken their bones? i dont know anyone that has. I would imagine they are a bit dirty and sweaty.
  • lol not sure I think some people do and some people don't I think she was trying to understand why I would want a belly cast done! Ahh well she has gone off to meet my uncle and i'm out to work shortly! what can you do with familys hey!? your born into them! xx
  • To add another family whinge to the thread...Don't u just hate it when family assume they know EVERYTHING about babies (especially the ones who don't have kids! Weird!) and everything u want to do is wrong wrong wrong! Grrr.

    My parents are divorced since I was 6, and my dad is absolutely pathetic sometimes and still tries to wind me up by making snide comments about my mum. She had elective cesarians with me and my sister because even though we weren't huge (8lb 5 and 7lb 12) we were too big to fit through her pelvis & she had back problems. My dad never stops moaning that she is a useless mother and lazy because she didnt give birth 'properly'. LIKE HE KNOWS!

    I am going to have all the pain relief I can during labour, just to get on his nerves!
    xxx
  • The old saying you can chose your friends but not your family springs to mind. I wonder if it was also a way of saying personal choice and maybe she's refering to you and your partner too? maybe you should say look your living my home can you at least respect my wishes please. I'm respect your views just not shoved in my face image
  • Yeah she is Very Rightous! & thinks she knows best about EVERYTHING! but I do love her I just wonder what little land she is living in her head sometimes to think my situation is a poor one. A couple of the girls on her today are having a terrible time of it, and she just finds it impossible to possitve for me! who knows! x
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