Suicide Note

Hi Ladies,
This is not pregnancy related but really need to talk about it. My morning has very quickly turned sour wen i went downstairs to get the post and in there was wat seems to be suicide note from my brother in law to my OH. I rang OH asking if i cud open the letter coz i thought it was from his mum (who we dnt speak to). He agreed and as i started reading we soon realised wat it was. He got straight on the phone to his brother who is on the motorway sumwhere heading down south he said "to stay with a friend". My OH told him not to do anything stupid and his reply was "im not going to mate...yet". Me and BIL avnt really seen eye to eye but im worried now, but part of me cnt help thinking this is some kind of attention seeking activity and im annoyed at him for putting me and OH in this situation. We really dnt know wat to do BIL told OH he'd not brought his phone charger with him and so probably wouldnt be able to contact him for a few days, does this actually mean that he's gona switch his phone off and not switch it back on. Im sat here wondering wat to do and OH is at work worried sick now, to make matters worse BIL is a copper so dnt really think OH wants to go to the police or anything just yet incase it is all abit of attention seeking on his part. Ahh, im so angry with him but worried at the same time. Sorry if this is upsetting for anyone just had to get it off my chest. Kerry xxx


  • Can't really offer any advice except to say think you should alert the police anyway. They may not be able to do anything yet as he is not missing or done any harm but at least you can ask their advice. Or maybe they could get someone to have chat with him, kind of looking after their own?
    Hope it works out for the best.
  • Oh dear no wonder you are both worried, but i can understand that you think it might just be attention seeking. I wold say though you should alert the police as he still sent the letter and even if it is jst attention seeking at least if you do that he might not be likely to do it again as will feel silly.

    hope it all works out ok xx
  • Thanks we just feel so helpless now, and its hard coz we dnt have any contact with anyone else from that side of the family. Will have another chat with OH and see if there is anyone we can inform or turn to. Sorry again if this post upsets or offends anyone, i know its not really the place for these sort of topics. Kerry xxx

  • hi i cant offer any advice either really except to say i think you should still contact the police. my wee girls dad is in the police and i understand why you would hold back for fear of getting him in trouble or something, but i would do it anyway, firstly becasue if his work are aware of his troubles then they have people who can help (perhaps psychologists etc) and secondly for your own peace of mind...say its not just for attention, think how you would feel if you could have tried to prevent it.

    i think your BIL would have wrote the note fully aware of the chance that his work would find out, perhaps thats what he wants/needs ?perhaps he is not coping etc and wants you to help him by tellig them as he cant ?

    im sorry i obviously dont know the whole situation but i would defintiely report it x keep us updated x;19;29/st/20080523/dt/5/k/1ec5/preg.png

  • Hi Kerrymc,

    I def agree with the others you should alert the police even if it is just attention seeking it sounds like he might need some help/ support as he doesn't sound like he is coping. A few weeks back a colleague of my husband made a flippant comment at work about how he would commit suicide off the back of a conversation of a sucide recently documented in the papers that they were all discussing.

    Well 3 days later his body was found and he had done it in exactly the same way he said he would. My husband and all the colleagues had ignored his comment as 'random' and him just joining in the conversation. They fealt awful after that they didn't pay attention even though I personally dont think anyone would have neccesarily picked up on the comment in that way.

    Anyway what im trying to say is I think he needs some sort of help because its not normal to even attention seek like that.

    I hope its all ok and that he comes to his senses and doesn't do anything rash.

  • If your bil was going to commit suicide he would have sent the letter and done it before you recieved it. obviously a cry for help (also poss trying to lay blame at your feet when he attempts suicide - wierd the way the mind works when under stress) so even though your oh doesn't get on with him, it's him he asked to help in a way so i think it is definately the right thing to do. try and get him on the phone and maybe tell him to meet up and discuss whatever it is he is running away from/can't deal with. i have dealt with a few people on the edge like this and the best way to do it is to stay calm, don't lay blame and listen. you can then get him more professional help. i wouldn't inform his work yet, at least until you have managed to contact him or his girlfriend, if poss. he will be feeling very vulnerable and when the situation is resolved he will need support from his work but it should come from him. he has to take responsibility for this.
    good luck xxx
  • Hi Kerry

    If you don't want to go to police why don't you phone the Samaritans, 08457 909090 or [email protected] They're trained to deal with people in possibly suicidal states and they may be able to advise you.

    I hope things work out ok x
  • Cheers ladies for all your input. OH has come home from work and went to see his mum (who he hasnt seen since July 2007). They had a talk about the note and she found a similar note in with her post which she hadnt noticed. They have since managed to get hold of BIL, who seems quite chilled and assures us he will be coming home from London tomorrow, he just needed to clear his head. OH is very annoyed for him causing everyone such stress but is happy after speaking to him again and seems pretty re-assured. All the family is on stand by now, so if anything else comes about OH has got abit more support. Kerry xxx
  • Hi hun sorry cant really offer any advice but didnt want to read and run. I was only going to say that if you did contact the police and it turned out that BIL is attention seeking, it would serve him right in a way because its not fair to upset you and your oh like this, especially with you being heavily pregnant. Hope everything works out ok.
  • hi, im a mental health nurse and so i can give you a prof opinion. someone who truly means to end it all wont tell anyone because they want to go away and not be found until its all over but i can understand your concern if you are really worried then ring the polce, if it is pure attention seekin he has to deal with why he has inflicted this on a heavily pregnant woman and her family. he may resent the attention his bro is gettin but thats no excuse. if he works for the police he knows what the implications are so dont you feel guilty. ultimately though if he does end his life it is his decision and for god sake dont feel guilty if it does happen.
    i sound awful i know but i hope it does help you decide what to do. xxx
  • i totally agree with babyfizz its his choice at the end of the day and he was gonna do it he would of done it straight after sending the letter. quite frankly im a bit worrried about a copper being in that state of mind or worried that acopper may be using a suicide threat as a ply for attention so either way id be contacting his superior!. best of luck with it all. xx
  • ooh god - was going to ask if he has showed depression signs in the past or if out of the blue? Is it his job getting him down? It's very selfish though off loading all that onto everyone around if it's only an attention thing! Not sure what to suggest - keep calm and don't you get too stressed hun
  • He's bin off on the sick for a month or so coz he had an operation on his knee, and it seems all this has been about a girl that he is supposedly in love with and she has rejected him. Iv jus found out that he has sent her a letter as well which she took straight to the police. The police have now bin round to MIL house to find him and apparently his inspector has been on the phone to him. It looks like theres bin alot going on that we didnt know about and apparently she has reported him for stalking and harrassment. So i think he can kiss bye to his career in the police now. It seems the whole thing was just to seek some attention, well he's got it big style now. OH is absolutely fuming with him for worrying everyone (especially me) and also he's lots out on a days work because he came home at lunch time to try and sort stuff out. Thanks for listening girls sorry to burden u with the horrible stories of my freaky family. Kerry (30wks). xxxx
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