insensitive to keep firsdt visit to just hubbie and daughter

im due in 5 weeks and know i have to stay in hosp for at least 48 hrs as i have group b strep. but anyway was thinking that i would love if the first visiting time could just be me and hubbie and our wee girl? this is obviously a very special time for us and i wouldnt want all other people butting in when she is meeting her wee brother for the first time. i know hubbie can be there most of the day but she will only be allowed at proper visiting times.

my mum will be looking after her while im in labour but i really want hubbie to just go and watch her from afterwards til i come home. i hate the idea that my mum or someine will tell her about the baby before e get to, ie, its name etc.

how can we make sure we set this up wothout hurting anyones feelings? does anyone else feel the same or am i being too insensitive to others who will want to see the baby asap. ie my paretnts and hubbies paretns ?

there are 2 visiting sessions each day so they would still be able to see us ont he first day its born (deoending what time hes born tho). what do you think?;19;29/st/20080523/dt/5/k/1ec5/preg.png


  • I think it sounds like an excellent idea and if you tell your parent and parents-in-law in such a sensitive way then they should be the first ones to understand what you're trying to achieve. Not at all insensitive, in my book! xx
  • i also want time just me and hubby so we can bond on our own with our baby. my parents live 350 miles away so wont be visiting til later! and my hubbys mum says she will come and visit us when we are ready for visitors. i think what ur doing is great and i dont think anyone will take offence! xx
  • i would tell them and soon.
    i had an em c sec and had half the family staring at me mere hours after the op. Didnt make me feel very good, or let me rest like i should have been.

    they should understand what youre aiming for as its your children first, them second. its not insensitive at all.

  • I have similar quandry but only regards delaying my own mothers visit. I think everyone else will respect our wishes and delay visit just slightly, but not sure she'll even listen. Maternity ward does have high security though so hopefully I can say no visitors! hehe
  • I agree, it should be a special time for you hubs and lo. Think about what you are going to say to them all in advance, and I really dont see why anyone should get upset.

  • im on your side too, but i think im being a bit more selfish, please let me no your opinions.
    id like my mum and dad to visit alone and oh parents to visit later on or at home.
    thing is, its my mum and dads 1st granchild and my ohs parents have around 10 of them!
    therefore id really like my mum and dad to be able to enjoy the experience without ohs mum taking over (which she will)
    i feel mean but i really want my mum, dad and lo's first meeting to be about them
  • I'm hoping to treat my parents and OH's parents the same, but frankly I'd be happy not to see anyone until we're back from hospital - just keep it as me, hubby and baby. Obviously if we're in hospital for a few days that'll change things, but if it's just a day or two I'd rather they came round one set at a time and in a more pleasant setting where we can all have a cuppa and a comfy seat, without all the cramped conditions and rules of a hospital visit... plus I begrudge my family or OH's family spending a fortune on parking in the hospital car park - let them spend that money on flowers for the house when they come round! image

    Hubby and I intend on being quite clear about giving people slots for visits and letting them know we'd like them to spend time just with us and the baby, and then it's someone else's turn for the same.

    The only problem with this sterling plan is that my OH's family lives a good 3 hour drive away so I guess they're hoping for an extended visit... might suggest they go stay at my parent's house! Hahaha!
  • I think you're right to want the first visit to just be oh and your little girl. All being well I am hoping to have this baby at the local birth centre and stay for as short a time as possible. We have already decided that I am having no visitors while I am there and that when I am ready to go oh will go home and fetch Millie to come and meet the baby bring us home. My mum and dad are looking after Millie while I am there so they will, I'm sure be waiting here for us to get home but unless it goes pear shaped and I have to stay in no one is visiting me!
  • I only want hubby there and my mum and dad are fine about it. If I have to stay in for ages then I'm happy for them to come but I want to get to know baby first. My mil has already announced she will be coming straight away (she lives 2 and half hours away). Hubby has told her no way! We want to invite people over when we are at home and confident with baby and stuff. I can't be doing with the MIL interfering and she will.
  • thanks everyone, the inlaws stay about 2 hours away so i think it would be ok to say they should wait til we are home instead of making the 2hour trip just for an hours hospital visit, so im not too worried about them, and hubbie agrees they will be fine about it. its really my parents that i worry about. i feel bad because they will be watching my wee girl while im in labour and then im saying "but dont come and visit us yet". my mum is the type to be hurt really easily and would take it personally, whereas the inlaws would be perfectly fine about it. im also maybe gonna breastfeed for the first time (didnt with first) so would love the chance to get the hang of it without visitors watching!!

    because of the group b strep baby will be on antbiotics (perhaps) so he might be a bit grumpy anyway (thought maybe i could use that as a good back-up excuse too). thanks everyone, imglad im not being insensitive and that im not the only one who feels the same x;19;29/st/20080523/dt/5/k/1ec5/preg.png

  • I'm feeling exactly the same as you, i want my son to meet his little sister for the first time when just me and oh are there! I didnt have any visiting times when i had my son because i had him at night and went home before visiting the next day.
    I think people will understand, its a very special time when your kids are meeting for the first time plus it will be alot easier for your daughter to understand what is going on if there is only you and your oh.
  • Hi, why don't you not mention anything yet and then when you have given birth and ready for your oh to leave you for a mo let him go and pick up your daughter from your parents (without ringing anyone first). When he turns up he can suprise your daughter and give her all the good news himself - and tell your parents of course. He could then gently say that you have asked him to take your daughter to hospital to meet new bro/sis and that you would looovvvee them to come down later ?(- if they say they will come to hospital now ..... he can put foot down in the car and get there before them? lol)
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