It's Back :) Oh and an update on hubby

Hey,

I thought rather than making two posts I would put two in one image

Firstly my sex drive has come back with full force and I couldn't be happier image I've turned in to some kind of wild animal and I'm enjoying sex again lol, I was starting to get worried that I would spend the rest of my life no caring if I never had it again but all seems to be ok.

Secondly I know some of you have been keeping track of the problems I've been having with hubby, well we spent the day together on Sunday which was really nice an relaxed we had a chat about his issues and I said he either needed to deal with them or get counselling, he refuses counselling but says he s going to sort himself out I told him if he ever needed to talk to me I would always be there to support him but I wouldn't acceot the slanging matches and the name calling and the 'I'm leaving you, oh actually I'm not leaving you' bollocks. Well this week has been perfect we are doing things together he is being helpful (but not grovelly suck up helpful) he is cuddling me more and asking me how I am rather than whinging about his day. He asked me last night if I was happy and told me he is really trying to be better for our family and that he doesn't want me or other people to think he doesn't love me. He is still quite paranoid about me cheating on him (which would never happen) but he doesn't approach it in an agressive way, you can't tell when he is dying to ask a question because he stis there and thinks about how to ask it before he does and then he will come out with something like "in 20 years time will you still fancy me? cos you hear about these women running off with toyboys and I don't want that to happen" which I think is a fine question to ask rather than "I know what you women are like you're all s**ts and are happy to do it with anyone" which is the way he approached it before and then wondered why I got angry lol. So I'm not going to say we have turned a corner I'm also not going to say there s a light at the end of the tunnel cos It's way to early to tell, just so far it is going ok and I hope it keeps going ok.

Sorry for drivelling on.

Caz
xx

Posts

  • I just read through my post and realised just how crappy I am at typing lol
  • oh hun that sounds like progress to me. Men are never going to change deep down but he has obviously considered your feelings and taken on board what you have said.
    Glad that you are feeling a bit more comfortable with your relationship and your body. Good luck and take care, hope all goes well for you. Filo x
  • Thanks Filo,

    I just hope its a continuous thing and he is not just doing it for a while to butter me up. I will keep being positive about it though cos if I'm negative things will only get worse.

    Caz
    xx
  • you are a better person than me, when he said he was leaving AGAIN, i would have changed the fucking locks and packed his stuff for him. That would have taught his a bloody lesson.
  • Lol, I gave him the opportunity to leave and I didn't try and stop him when he said he was going to but then he realised I wasn't going to stop him and changed tactic by asking if we could talk. I can't give up on my marriage and he is the father of my child, yes he is an arsehole at the best of times but that is the part we are to stamp out. I def wouldn't have been able to do it without you ladies, it's not because I'm weak it's just because I have never had to deal with a situation like it before.

    C
    xx
  • Just remember hun you don't have to put up with any verbal or physical abuse and when it does happen show him the door straight away. Filo x
  • I would never accept physical abuse plus I know he would never do that, the verbal is what we can have problems with and is another thing we are working through so he can understand its not acceptable. I'm not saying things are perfect I just want to give him the chance to prove himself rather than just ending our marriage without trying.

    Does that make sense? You probably all think I'm mad lol I do love him though and feel it's right to try and sort things out.

    C
    xx
  • Hi Caza,
    glad you stuck to your guns last week and made him think about what he would be loosing. Im glad you have put your foot down on the verbal as I know how hard it is to deal with. Keep strong and keep in there. All men are babies at the bottom of it and cant cope when our attention goes elsewhere away from them.
    take care
    Lottie xxx
  • Hey Lottie,

    I know what you mean about men being babies. The type of attention you have to give them is like dealing with a toddler even when you are talking to them seriously you really feel like you have to break it down into words with only one sylable (sp) for them to understand. Whereas if you were talking to a women she would get what you mean without you even opening your mouth lol thats why friends are so good.

    C
  • Hi Caz,

    Brilliant news that things are looking up - reward for your patience and his willingness to come back!

    You said your hubby refuses counselling, but would he consider finding out more about cognitive behaviour therapy? I saw a specialist when I was going through a bad time and the tools they taught were around realising when you're starting to go into a certain behaviour (paranoia, anxiety, jealousy, anger, etc) and then alternatives to that behaviour... it's not as 'touchy-feely' or exposing as counselling can sound to a bloke.

    From following what you've said of his behaviour and history, I reckon he probably needs some tools and assistance in sorting this issue.

    Seeing a therapist through the NHS takes a while... I spoke with my GP first and he referred me - took about 3 months for the first appointment.

    Take care and I hope it all works out for you both!
    xx
  • Hey Weeza,

    Thanks for the tip.

    I will see how we go on our own for a while as I don't want to pressurize him to much into doing things he isn't comfy with but maybe in the future. We have arranged to do things together on a weekley basis and he is now cooking for me once a week (as I usually do all the cooking as he is a bit pants in the kitchen lol) I think spending time alone together will help, but I'm definitely open to all options.

    Do you guys think I'm mad? I suppose its hard for you to see exactly whats going on without watching us together.

    C
    xx
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