Pregnant without the help of mum

Hi is anyone else going through pregnancy without their mums?
I have a 14 month old son and just found out im expecting my second. I have a wonderful partner and a lovely home but feel so let down that my mum doesn't get involved. She only lives a couple of miles away from me but drinks heavily, so very rarely bothers with my son, in fact shes only seen him 5 times! It seems like every time i speak to her we end up arguing because she leaves my son out. I have a neice whos 3 and my mum adores her. my brother and his partner split up b4 she was born so my mum says she bothers more with her because my son has a stable environment. I dont think this is right. She even let my neiece sleep at her house and bought her lots of presents,on my sons birthday as she didnt want her to feel left out. (She bought him a top and spent less then 10 minutes with him) I feel so lonely because of it. Sad i know but surely this should be the time that my mum helps me?


  • Hi speckle,

    I am in the same situation. Just found out I am having my third but cant even tell my mum.

    Her partner and me dont get on, she has always had a drink problem but he makes it 100 times worse. Also she does like your mother only its with my 2 children. Last year and this year she bought birthday presents for my son(whos the eldest and from a previouse relationship) and nothing for my daughter 2 months later on her birthday. Her and her bloke seem to have enough money for booze everyday, but not enough to get my lo a present. It also makes my hubby feel awkward.

    So like you I will be going through this pregnancy without her. Having said she wasnt there much for the other 2 anyway.

    Take care and just consetrate on your lo and pregnancy,

    Kerry xxxxx
  • When I had my first baby 11yrs ago my mom was my tower of strength, however 12 months later she was taken ill and 6 weeks later she passed away.

    Ive since had another baby (his 2 now) and im pregnant again now. It was hard and still is some days but you learn to cope.

    The best thing is my baby is due around the 10th anniversary of my mom passing away and I just know that things will be ok and she will be watching over me. I also have a feeling the baby will make an apperance on that day.

    Sara 25 +3
  • I am in the early stages fn my first pregnancy and this is one of my big worries - I dont even want to tell her until I have to, we do not get on at all! None of my friends have kids yet so bit worried about who to talk to through it all.

    My mum dotes on my siblings and their kids, but I am the black sheep of the family since my parents are divorced and shunned cos I still have my Dad in my life. I think I will be forced to chose whether my kids have a grandmother or grandfather - not fair.

    I agree it is sad but what is happening with you and your partner should be the most important thing.

  • i had a mc in aug'03 so i moved 200 miles away from my whole family to be with my boyfriend who lived away, i have had a daughter since who is 3 1/2 yrs old now and am pregnant again, i have to say it is hard not having my mum here with me thru my pregnancys, i look forward to her visits and my visits to her just so i can natter to her and my daughter can see her nanna lol,
    i am luck tho that i get on with my mother in law and she steps in to do motherley things with me when i havent got my mum around.

  • Hi. I found out that I'm pregnant this morning, so I'm only 4 weeks, early days! It's my first baby and I will be going through it without my mum. She died 10 years ago and I'm missing her like mad today. I keep thinking she would have been so happy to hear my news! It will be hard not having her around at this time in my life, but no harder than at any other time. It's been 10 years but sometimes it only feels like yesterday. Luckily I have a sister who already has two kids so she will be my rock through my pregnancy! xxxxx
  • HMVDB Sorry to hear your in laws are crap but just think of the support you get here plus the phone and internet with your afamily over there. i have some relli'ss over n canada and we stay in touch over face book. My cousin was exstatic when i told him i was preggers said its another life he can corrupt lol bless he's 3 years older than me and we met for the first time this year. I'll never be able to afford to go over and visit but i know he'll come over and visit again in a few years image i'm extremely lucky as my mom lives about 12 miles away and is my best friend but i only call on her when i'm a complete wreck or can't deal with something as too stressed. I'm hoping she'll come to the scan with me. we can't really afford for my oh to have a day off as i have to have a day off to go. that would mmean 2 days wages lost. i have to say this place is my source of support and i guess i get support from my mom and dad but niot to the extreme i get here. mom keeps saying it's too early to buy stuff even my dad backs me up saying when i finish work we won't be able to afford much so better to get the expensive stuff now b4 we run low on funds. which is funny as i thought it would be the other way round funny how life works out. I hate my inlaws so i son't really rely on them for nothing they'd rather stab me in the back than help. We asked for a lil asistance with fixing the car (clutch went) my oh was fixing it but needed a second set of hands. THe asked for petrol money knowing that we didn't have much. what could we say but sure here's ??5 image when we help thenm we get no help with petrol. His sister has a 6mth old and has said she's not lending us any of her baby stuff (so it's showing what support we're getting from them. THANK god for my parents! or i'd be completely alone! i don't have many friends and noe with kids i have no1 to speak to about my experiences that can understand where i'm coming from.
  • Hi SWillo as you have read im in the same position as you, my mom passed away nearly 10 yrs ago. It is hard, but you have your sister and she will be your tower of strength for you.

  • Hi there....

    Really feel for you all that have lost your mum and can't imagine how hard it must be esp at this special time....My mum is still alive but lives 500 miles away but hasn't really had anything to do with me for a long time...she couldn't cope with me at birth and my auntie raised me when i was first born...she passed away 6 years ago and i miss her terribly and really wish she could see my first child when its born. The last gift she gave me was a photo frame and told me to leave it empty until I had a child and to put their first picture in it. I'm so happy that i can now fulfill her wish.

    I wish you all the best of luck with your pregnancys and know that everybody that loves you (past and present) will be watching
  • I too have lost my mum! She was diagnosed with cancer when I was pregnant with my 6 yr old son and passed away 3 yrs ago. She was so much help to me when I was pregnant with my other 2 that now i am expecting another I am missing her more than ever. I feel soo lonely without having her to pour my heart out to and then have her to tell me to get over it! Reading these posts has made me absolutely sob! NIce to have this forum to talk to (?) but it cannot replace a mums hug when you feel low!
  • Hi hmvdb, I'm in the same situation as you. I'm Canadian with a British Husband. Luckily I have a fab mil and fil but it's not the same as having my mum around. Where in Canada are you from? How far along are you? xxxx
  • hi my mum lives in spain and has done for 3 years now i had my son nearly 7 months ago and she came over for the birth but wasnt here for my pregnancy and i did miss her but used to not having here either and im really lucky i have great husband and freinds. also my sister had her 2nd baby 8 weeks ago but has no partner as such so i had to be there for her and be her birthing partner too! my dad lives in cyprus too so dont see him very often. the rest of my family are a lot to be desired put it that way! xx
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