is it ever the right time?



Hi everyone,

This is my first post and I just need some advice really......is there ever a right time to start ttc?

I'm 22, we've been married for 7 months,together for over 5 years. We have our own house and are settled. OH has a good job, but i'm a student.
I'm only 2 months into a 3 year course (i've already done the first year before at a diff uni so its abit repetitive at the mo) If i fell pregnant i would get 45 weeks of my bursary so that isn't a problem. If i went on maternity leave i would be able to resume my course where i left.

Its just, were not rolling in money, we have credit cards that need paying and there's always something that needs doing with the house etc. But we get by, and there's always enough spare for the yearly holiday and odd treats.

I'm so broody, it hurts!

Is there ever a right time to have a baby?
Do you just have to make sacrifices when the time comes and get on with it?

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Posts

  • I think we can be too sensible these days!! I'm 35 and on my first but only cos I didn think I wanted to have any until my hormones caught up with me, and I think we are very lucky financially cos we are a bit older. But I look at my mum who had 4 by the time she was 28, no money and still got by! It's the scariest thing in the world deciding its the right time but it depends on what you think is important, and if that is having a baby rather than a nice holiday, then thats your choice. Yes, I think it means sacrifices but I think you would get by.
  • Hi there, don't think there is ever a right time. Like you said things just keep popping up. I know we started trying at the start of the year then stopped as OH lost his job. Think we all just have a way of coping what ever life throws at us! Hope this helps!
    Tx
  • Personally, it is up to you babe!
    I dont believe there is ever a right time. If I looked at things sensibly I wouldnt be sat here now having Tommy kick the hell out of my insides! Some people prefer to have everything in place, others dont. You know when the time is right for you hon and if you are willing to make sacrifices and have plenty of love to give - what more could a lo want?
    Hope you make best decision for you
    Love Lee
    xxxxx
  • Hi! The timing is probably never right for a lot of people, you just have to do what feels right for you. i was 23 when i got pregnant with first baby. I'm now 26 and on no. 2. I was so broody as well and I don't think I could have waited any longer. Me and hubby don't have much money, but it is true what people say, you do just make do and learn to live within your means. You cut back on things that don't matter anymore and try to give your child all you can. As long as they're loved and in a happy environment I don't think it matters. I'm 39 wks pregnant today and I'm already feeling broody for baby no.3, even though I haven't given birth to this one yet! Sounds silly doesn't it? i can imagine though, how hard it will be to study and bring up a baby, especially once they reach toddler age! Do you have much family support at hand? Love Rachel XXX
  • hi, i agree with everyone else whos answered your question, their is never a right time, if you wait til later there is more to give up. im 23 and pregnant with my 1st and my fella is 30 so he waited and he says itl be hard although its been easier for him to give up things easier as hes been doin it for longer.

    its really up to you and your fella buyt make sure you talk bout it and remain open. hope that helps? xx
  • I read in a magazine the other day that someone said 'its never the right time but always the right baby' and i think that's probably true. No one ever has enough of everything be it time or money etc but you always get by, its definitely a personal thing...
  • Hi
    I don't think there is ever the right time as such! I think as long as the commitment & love to the baby is there your spot on...there's never gonna be enough money etc, but always ample love. I think you know when the time is right.
    Wishing you luck in your decision, I'm sure it'll be the right one for you.
    Sarah xx
  • I agree with everyone else its never the right time. I am 21 and husband is 27. I am pregnant with our first. We have been together for 4 years and married for 8 months. We both earn a decent amount and own our own home but we also have a few credit cards that we will try and pay off before the baby arrives and i am sure that we will manage. Dont forget everyone lives to their means so if you are older and have more money you will probably have a bigger house, more expensive cars, higher bills etc.
  • thankyou to everyone who has replied.

    I have come off the pill but that was only last month. and we've been using contraception since.

    emotionally i'm definatley ready, i feel so maternal and i feel much older than my young age.

    I guess being together for a long time and getting married and having mortgage repayments can do that to a girl!

    I had alot of negative comments from people with getting married so young, i think thats holding me back from ttc.
    I know my parents would be over the moon, but the in laws would be bitching that i've only just started my course.

    i've been looking into benefits and my bursary and we wouldn't get anything other than basic because of hubbies wage.

    could anyone give me an approx figure of what childcare costs?
  • Hi, I am 19 pregnant with my first. It isn't the right time at all, I won't lie! But it certainly feels right. Baby wasn't exactly planned but we weren't using contraception for just a few weeks and it just 'happened' quicker than I imagined. Do what you think is right. I know I always wanted children and I wanted them young. xxx
  • Hi percypig,
    Im 21wks pregnant and a student studying HND in business management and im not gona lie it is hard trying to do both, especially as i already have a son. I was pregnant with him wen doing my a-levels (think im a glutten for punishment ha ha ha). The uni are paying for my sons nursary fee's at the moment, (special agreement) but i can warn u they are not cheap. Depending where u go it can cost anything from ??30-??45 per day!!! Continuing with a course after having a baby is fulfilling but very very hard work. However it was the best day of my life aug 17th 2006 wen i gave birth to my son and got my a-level results (of all A's!). Gud luck, if ur determined like me u'll make it work. Kerry xxx
  • Hiya,

    I'm in a similar situation to you. I've had a baby in the middle of a law degree course. Now im my 3rd year with my 2nd baby on the way!! I took a year out after my 2 year old was born, but that was because a few weeks after we were in a car accident and I had injuries which meant I had to take a year off my course. All is well now though and baby no.2 on the way and I'm nearly finished my course. Luckily I've got 2 months to prepare for baby before it's born and course has ended.

    I got on fine - it can be difficult at times, but you work around things. It all works out for the best I say. Childcare costs are expensive - we pay ??140 a week for our 2 year old to go 8.30am-4.30 nursery fees. They include all meals, trips, etc etc.

    Work out your finances carefully, you don't want to get caught short!!! As you are on a course, you won't be entitled to maternity pay either, so be careful there if you have mortgage repayments.
  • Hello all,

    One thing you must do, is make sure both of you are ready before trying to fall pregnant. Everybody's views are different. I have heard people say we are going to wait until we have enough money to afford a baby. My thoughts on that are when will you ever have enough money saved up for a baby!

    I got married over the summer and have a job and hubby is still a student. When the lo is born we wont have a job between us as hubby still at uni. Its just how its worked out. although money wont be much in our bank accounts i know we can get by. We have worked through it in the past so im sure it will be ok. the extra child benefits will be an added bonus to our savings. neither has ever wanted a credit card so ive never been in your position, however, remember money doesnt bring happiness. For hubby and I, we would prefer to have a loving family with money thats gets us by rather than having lots of money and no children.

    When it comes to having children they are costly but there is so much you can save your pennies on. We are both in our 20's are have been told we are young to be ahving children but that is others points of view. Our baby wasnt an accident but it wasnt planned. We were of the opinion, if it happened it happened and we would be happy if i got pregnant but also wouldnt be disappointed if i wasnt...if that makes sense.

    on my course there was mothers with young children. They did find it stressful and hard at times but they were proud mothers at the end of the 3yr course. If you do decide to have children during your course you need to make sure you think about the time that you will need to put into your studying and the cost of child care. I only mention this because student mothers on my course did at times complain about juggling the uni workload and finding quality time to spend with their children. It can be done as i have quite a few friends on the course who had children.

    I guess having children is about out your family first before anything else. Changes to the house, holidays and just general luxuries are not essentials, whereas raising children and living in a loving household with my hubby and child (to be) is what brings me happiness. Just my opinion of course image I agree with Sarah, there will always be plenty of love even if there isnt plenty of money. In answer to your question, its up to you whether you make sacrifices or not and the decisions you make.

    I hope all goes well for you both xxx
  • sorry, just realised my post is more like an essay! oops sorry! xxx
  • Hiya
    You sound like a very sensible lady so what I would say is this.... make a 'life plan' spanning the next few years.
    If you are ready to have a baby then great, if it happens it happens.
    But, you can afford to take some time to make as many preparations as you possibly can before you get pregnant.

    Look into all benefits you can claim (for example, you can apply for Maternity benefit from the Government of ??112 per week, but I think you need to have worked so many hours for so many week before getting pregnant to get it. I think it's minimal hours - but look into it - can you claim if you are doing part time work?/how many hours?/ what else do you have to do to claim...?) This will give you an idea of what you will be able to afford when it comes to looking after a baby. And you could think about working part time alongside Uni if you don't already.

    Are you someone who wants nothing but the best and everything brand new for the baby or are you happy to take other people stuff and buy second hand? It's quite expensive to fund everything for something so tiny!

    Are you happy with your house and where you live? Not that you couldn't move with a baby, of course you could, but perhaps with a bit of strategic planning you might move before you have a baby instead of it arriving and then you thinking the house is too small/too far from amenities & schools/too rural - whatever the case is for you.

    Some of this may apply to you, some of it won't but it's just an idea to think about these things way in advance.

    None of these things will matter to the baby because all it needs is to be warm, fed and above all loved but they might make small differences to your life when he/she finally arrives. I tell my OH that actually, even if we sold everything we ever owned and lived in a caravan somewhere my son wouldn't suffer as long as we brought him up in a loving and stable environment!

    Good luck with your decision.
    Tracey
  • When I got married in 2006, everyone was asking me when we were going to start trying for kids and I would say "we can't afford to right now" and I'd always get the response "you can never afford to!". To be honest, that used to really annoy me because for us it really wasn't the right time. My husband was just starting up his own business which was draining all our money at that time. I was on a good salary but he had a negative amount at that point! So for us we just couldn't do it.

    But we were in a nice flat (small, but nice), family to support us, and I was nearing my mid 30s so we did want to do it. But it was right for us to wait. When we saw the business was doing well and the debts could be repayed, we bought a house and started trying. That was the right thing for us to do.

    We all have in our minds how we need our lives to be before we have kids and it's different for everyone. Do what is right for you because only you know when it's the right time. I was worried I was risking leaving things to late but I conceived first month of trying at the age of 34. That's how long it took me to be in a place I felt comfortable having kids!

    You're not too young if you are in a loving committed relationship. I'm so jealous that you found that so early! Money will always be an issue but with a bit of planning and compromising you'll manage. I'm sure all of us will need to do that no matter where we are in our lives.

    Good luck, Sonia x
  • there is never a right time babe. but you make it the right time. i was given tha advise after i fell pregnant at christmas, as my relationship was in complete breakdown, i have overdraft and credit card debts and im making it the right time for this baby. do what your heart tells you to babe, just make sure your other half agrees or that your willing to make it work. but follow your heart.
  • if we waited for the right time then we'd never have kids! my oh are in debt adn struggling to keep head afloat and having our first baby i'm 28 3 days after baby due but i don't mind we've not had to splash out much on baby so far as loads been given to s from everywhere lol we're lucky... i'm hoping to breast feed so hopefully that'll cut some costs and also to use real nappies too in hope of cutting costs... its a good way of working out what priorities are.... ours is baby 1st us later as we've had a few years of fun and doing what we want.... thinking next year taking a trip to butlins or something to relax and actually have a break lol we've never been on holiday together but then it low on ourt priorities so no big deal! follow your heart and nursing is great but then is there a uni creche available to look after baby? look into all expense of what you really want to do i did 3 uyrs and failed uni at being a nurse and the creche for uni was on the other campus miles away from where i was and couldn't drive plus i would have struggled studying and looking after baby so again weight out the pro's and cons hun image
    Good luck in your choice and have fun TTC image
  • I am pregnant with my first and 2 years into a law degree. I chose this time because i always wanted to be a young mum and by the time id fully qualified id be 28 so didnt want to wait that long. Iv been with my partner for 3 and a half years and even though we aren't married we are very stable. He has a decent job and i will get enough maternity pay from my part time job to support myself.

    I think as long as you feel ready you will make it work and i know in a few years when iv finished my degree (taking a year out) ill certainly have enough money. As for childcare, when you go back to uni you could use their childcare provisions as thats what i will do as they are much cheaper.

    Good luck and im sure you will make the right decsion for you xxx
  • I think as other people have said b4 there is never a right time.
    I am pregnant with our first and currently in my final year of my degree, i've got the worst of the work out of the way but found i struggled when i had loads of work on cos i jst felt so tired all the time but i knew it had to be done so i jst got on with it.

    This baby wasn't planned and hasn't really come at the best time as we don't have much money and we r movin in with my parents so we can save up for a house. But altho it wasn't planned and it's not the best time we r both over the moon and determined to make it work and knowin we will have this little person to look after makes it easier to make sacrifices and i think gives me more motivation to get this degree finished and hopefully do well.

    I hope u come to a decision that is right for you and makes u and oh happy
    xxx
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