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Am I just being a hormonal superb*tch??

Hi all..

Ok ok I need your help. Hubby is has really pissed me off and i am trying to work out whether I'm right to feel so fed up or if its just my hormones making me unreasonable! So your advice would be apreciated and BE HONEST..if you think i'm being silly tell me pleeease..

Right, basically I'm 8 weeks pregnant and feeling awful and being sick. Yesterday my husband went to a family do in the afternoon about 2ish (which i could make as i was at work till 4 and then just wanted to crawl into bed!) and the plan was to share a taxi back with his mum and brother who all live in the same area as us. Anyway..about 10pm i get a call to say he's on his way back, but instead of coming straight home (as i wanted as i'm throwing up and quite franly feeling rotten and lonely) he says he's going back to his brothers to make sure he get home ok as was very drunk so will walk home in 10 mins. Fair enough i think..then i get a call to say he's walking him to the pub (which i figure is a bt odd if he's that drunk) but still stay calm and say fine.see you ina bit. The icing on the cake is when he rings me to say he's going to have a beer (surprise suprise) and i start to get uspet on the phone (which yes I know is my silly hormones).but what really stressed me out was despite being out for 9 hours alreeady and knowin i'm upset he goes out and rolls home 1pm being his usual drunken abusive self, shouting at me and generally stressing me out more. I get very upset and am tryig to stay calm for prawns sake, but though thought baby prawn is affected when i'm stressed just makes it worse...

Anyway sorry for the waffle. I don't like my husband when he's drunk and to put it in perspective he's been off since the friday before xmas and apart from xmas day has been in the pub every night.

Am i being unreasonble? Hubby says i should 'get down from my moral high ground'. I don't mind him drinking a few nights but its the lack of respect that upsets me when me and prawn are at home feeling ill. I feel like we're being taken the piss out of quite franky. We've been together for 9 years and married since May and both wanted this baby very much. Thanks for listening.xxxxxx


  • Hi sweetie, i would give your hubby a swift kick in the gollies! What is he thinking? is he going to continue this behavour when your lo arrives? You are not being unreasonable and its not the hormones, your hubby is being a selfish git and should be at home with you holding your hair back as you are sick and not getting himself bladdered!
    Have a strong word with him, tell him that he is a dad already even if this baby isnt here yet and he has new prioritys.
    Hope you feel better soon. xxx
  • Hi i think that you were very understanding at first but then yes he did take the pee out if you and you have everyright to feel the way you do. Regardless of the hormones i would feel like that if i werent pg.Men are just arses anyway lol.
    take care and i hope you feel better soon.
    vikki xx
  • I can totally sympathise with you. My hubby is fantastic but he likes a drink and even though he doesnt go out very much at all - he does like a beer or two at home. I dont mind as he has cut back a lot on his drinking since he has lived with me and i suppose i should be thankful he is at home with his beer and not out roaming the streets and like your oh, he has been off work since Friday before xmas and its like an excuse just to drink every night as its christmas even though he has been back in at work the odd day this week. Grrr.

    Anyway, he went out on his work xmas party a few weeks back for an indian and a few drinks and said he would be back at 10pm after the meal as he isnt one for drinking round the town. By 11pm still no sign so i thought i bet hes gone into town. 1am still no sign of him and i couldnt sleep as i knew what state he would be in when he got home. Anyway, not long after 1am i heard a key in the door and OMG what a state he was in! His coat and shirt were filthy, his shoes were scuffed like hed been dragged from one end of town to the other, he had a grazed nose and chin and his hands were black. He has no idea what has happened - i can only assume he has fallen over on his way home but he has no recollection of much after the meal. He lost his wallet (probably when he fell over) which was a brand new wallet which i just bought for his birthday not so long ago along with his driving licence, bank card, about ??40 and ??20 argos vouchers. I was livid - like we can afford to lose money with a baby on the way!

    Im not so mad about him being drunk as most people do get like that at xmas parties the point is he gets all argumentative with me and all i try to do is get him upstairs to bed. He is quite a big bloke so its hard and then next thing i knew he was wanting to go back downstairs in his undies and socks and was trying to get out the front door to look for his wallet. the idiot!!

    Its hard when your pregnant as the stress is not good for us. Just as well blokes arent the ones to carry babies as i dont think they could cope without their beer!!!

  • I don't think you are being unreasonable. It takes two people to want a baby and two people to make a baby so why should one person have to make all the sacrifces while the other one behaves like a 15 year old? I don't like my husband getting drunk, mainly because I have in the past wasted far to much energy looking after him when he has had far too much. He doesn't go out much now we have our little girl (and we have got really old and boring!) but if he does I just ask him to stay at a mates and come home the next day when he is sober. That way he can get as drunk as he likes and I don't have to witness it or clear up the mess. I don't think it is a case of you taking the moral high ground, like you say, you are at home feeling crap and you are entitled to some company and moral support, I think it is the least he can do.
    Hope you feel better soon
  • loubeelou,

    Your man sounds like something out of the 1950's! It's so hard not to get stressed when your hormones are all over the place! Moan to your girlfriends, mum, on here and anyone else who will listen they will all tell you you are not being unreasonable! Try to rest as much as possible and if you feel like it you go out and have a good time without him - you never know it might work! In my experience men don't change! But saying that I don't think men really understand how much we go through in the first 6 months, it's only when you are huge and waddling that it actually sinks in!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed through you that when he sees the scan or your belly getting bigger that he will actually start to think about you and the baba instead of his next beer!

    El (40 + 6)
  • Hi Loubeelou
    I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I know I wouldn't put up with it and would be having a right go at him. It would be fair enough if it was just one night out where he'd gone abit over the top but I don't think it's fair on you to be out every night especially when you've not been well.
    He's obviously not in a good frame of mind to argue with when he's drunk so I would wait til he's sober and then talk to him, tell him how you feel and how he comes across when he's drunk - alot of men get quite abusive/aggressive when they're drunk but he needs to know that it won't be acceptable when there's a baby around and that you won't put up with it. It's a very similar situation to my sister and her partner - he is lovely but despite having a 2 year old he still lives lifestyle of a single lad out most nights, he's affected by alcohol really easily and it doesn't have a good affect on him - gets into alot of fights and does stupid stuff, he's been known to get home and think it's a good idea to wake their baby and play with her and has nearly dropped her.
    Unfortunately because he's fine the rest of the time my sister says nothing apart from a word with him every now and then and he always promises to go easy on the drinking but doesn't change - again I wouldn't be putting up with this if it was going to put me or my baby at risk.
    Hopefully if you talk it though when he's in right frame of mind he'll be able to see things from your point of view.
  • Hi, i think you are totally right, he has been out of order and you def need to try and talk to him. My oh didnt act any dif until we saw the scan then he realised what was actually going on inside my body and has started to look after me much more..housework and shopping and things.

    I think after your scan would be a very good time to discuss with your hubby how youre feeling, He will have just seen your lo and will understand how much is happening to you. tell him you need to feel supported and that you're not trying to ruin his social life but he needs to cut back.
    its a difficult conversation to have but once its done things will improve (hopefully)
    x x
  • Thank you all so much for your advice and support..i really feel overwhelmed by all your responses! Its hard to know how to deal with these things and my mum was always very controlling of my dad so i guess i've just be trying too hard to be the very opposite.
    I feel so much better knowing its ok to feel upset and angry with him, his behaviour is wrong. i haven't spoken to any friends about this as didn't want them thinking badly of hubby if that makes sense when they have to see him again..but all your advice has really given me the strength to sort this out. This afternoon he offered to give up drinking for the onth of january and stay in with me - but i have a feeling he won't stick to it so will see. have to get through New years eve tomorrow first!

    Anged - i totally know what you mean about men being so argumentative when we just try to help them..he has litterally pushed me over before when i was trying to get him to bed (not in a violent way just cos he didn't kno what he was doing) so now i leave him in a heap on the sofa!(or by the computer playing online poker all night..don't even get me started on that!)

    Bedhead - i've suggetsed before i'd rather he just didn't come home so mayhave to put my foot down for that one (well after january of course!) haha..its a good idea i think.

    Well sorry for the rant and thanks again for all your replies. It means so much to me to know i'm not a hormonal superbitch after all! (i may even print all your advice out and re-read it when i feel like not sticking up for myself!)xxxx
  • I'm absoloutely apalled at your husbands behaviour and I don't think that you deserve this kind of treatment. I think that you have to ask yourself whether you love this guy or not and whether it is worth (potentially) having this situation reoccuring. Men get very scared when faced with responsibilty and sometimes something smallish can escalate into something a lot worse, however, it is not an excuse! Try to make some decisions now and stick to them and if it doesn't work out the way you want it to do not be afraid to walk away, life's too short to be unhappy. Good luck and take care.
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