Other people not happy about our pregnancy

Hi

Me and hubby are so excited to be pregnant and it's our first baby, but other people are taking the shine off it for us.

His sister lost a baby when she was 17weeks pregnant at Christmas and so is understandably upset, but now she won't see me at all and it feels like we aren't allowed to be happy about our baby or celebrate at all.

It's made worse because we are due to be going out tonight with a load of friends to celebrate an engagement and another friend won't come because I'm pregnant and she isn't, her hubby is coming though. That isn't the excuse she gave of course, but her other excuse is so poor that me and hubby know the real reason, even if the rest of our friends don't.

Of course I feel sorry for them as they have been trying for a while, and although I got pregnant quite quickly, the first few months were really difficult so I can only imagine what it's like to be trying for over a year, but people are actively avoiding us now and it's really upsetting.

Any advice or has anyone else been in the same situatoin?
Thanks
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  • Don't take any notice of them and their not true friends if they cant be happy and supportive for you. As for his sister I had miscarriage in dec and shortly afterwards found out my sister was pregnant but I still put on a brave face and see her every day. As long as your happy don't let anyone get u down.
    Hope this helps and always remember everyone on here will always be here to support u
  • Hi
    I'm gatecrashin from baby, but saw this on the homepage and the title sounded familiar!

    My pregnancy was not planned at all, i was in my last year at uni, with nowhere proper to live so wasn't exactly the best timin! But once me and oh had got over the initial shock we were absolutely thrilled and so excited bout our baby. Unfortunately my family weren't. In fact my mum actually told me i was silly. And when we were telling other ppl they'd say congrats, but i cud tell wot they were really thinkin was well that obviously wasn't planned was it and things like that! It really got to me for a while and in some ways stopped me enjoying part of my pregnancy, but eventually i though stuff them, i'm happy so is oh and thats all that matters. My lo is now 8 months old and we're all sooo happy, and my parents came round eventually, and we're livin with them at the mo whilsts we save.

    Ne way sorry 4 ramblin on, it must b upsettin for ur SIL and i expect she jst needs a bit of time to get used to it and at he mo it is prob easier for her not to see u, same goes for you friend as well i spose. Mayb try txtin them and seein if they wanna meet up or sumthin. i'm sure they'll come round eventually.

    Enjoy ur pregnancy
    xxx
  • Thanks Amie, that's really kind. I hope you are ok after your mc.

    I was beginning to think that maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable, but it's difficult to think of how others are feeling all the time when you're hormonal!
  • i am sorry that people dont seem to be happy for you - please dont take it personally - i have been trying for 17 months and had 3 failed pregnancies during that time - my best friend is pregnant (our due dates were a day apart) and i cannot even look at her. It is so difficult when you want somehting so much - please bear with them - but in the mean time enjoy your pregnancy x
  • Thanks lizzy. Sorry to hear you went through a similar thing, but it's nice to know other people are in my situation. You sound really happy, good luck with saving
  • Thanks summer. I remember you from TTC and that you lost your 2 little stars. It's good to hear the other side of the argument and I cannot begin to understand how difficult it must be for you and your best friend. Take care and hope to see you here soon with your sticky BFP
    x

    [Modified by: LizzieB on March 06, 2009 02:18 PM]

  • x

    [Modified by: LizzieB on March 06, 2009 02:16 PM]

  • Dont worry about what other people think hun if theyre not happy for you then they arent real mates - you and OH are over the moon thats all that counts. You have more important things to think about now like that little person growing inside you. Dont let it stress or upset you its not good for little bean

    xxx

    http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev207pr___.png

  • You poor thing. I had two mcs last year and my best friend then fell pregnant which was a shock as she wasnt even trying. I was really upset but put on a brave face and acted really happy for her - well I was happy but just a bit envious too!

    Im so glad I did that, as I think otherwise it really would have spoiled our friendship and I know she would do the same if the roles were reversed.

    Just try and ignore any negativity, they will get used to the idea of you being pregnant in time

    19+5 xxx
  • I've had similar problems with my pregnancy but to the extent my sister who has been trying for 5 years wouldn't see me for 4 months and I've had to cease communication with my mum and twin completely because they've been so completely horrible about my preg. I'm not married but my oh is so lovely and supportive of I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else.

    I suppose the most hurtful thing is that I feel my baby is rejected and not wanted but is beyond innocent in other peoples treatment. I guess I never appreciated how social have a baby really is.
  • hi, hun, im gatecrashin from baby and as someone said before it sounded very familiar. id been with my oh 3 months when we found out i was 6 weeks pg. my parents went nuts and my dad refused to speak to me initially. everyone else in my family just went congrats but with that look of pity - i think they thought me and oh wouldnt be able to cope together. the only 1 who was happy was my grandma. i was so angry for months cos no1 even asked how i was or how bump was. eventually i thought you can all sod off - we are happy and i was told id never have my kids naturally so it was even better. they all absolutely adore him now and spoil him rotten so they do all come round. i promise. it is really sad that your friends cant be happy for them. leave them to get their heads round it and if they are true friends they will be happy for you. enjoy your pg and ignore negative comments.xxx
  • Hi,sorry to hear that you're upset. I agree,your friend isn't much of a friend!

    However,this must be sooo hard for your sister,and I imagine that she feels guilty that she can't speak to you about it. Have you tried writing her a letter? Just to say that the last thing you want is to cause her pain etc and that she can be as involved/not involved as she'd like with the pregnancy. How long has she known? I imagine she'll come round in time but she'll prob appreciate knowing that you understand!

    K 18+3 xx
  • my sil is horrible to me cos i'm pregnant! she has one child but can't seem to have more. she tells people she feels like she's been kicked in the teeth every time someone announces they are pregnant! another sil lost her baby at 27 weeks and went through an awful time! when she fell pregnant again she didn't speak to her till baby was born! i got an horrible message on my face book when i went into hospital with complications! i don't understand her at all and i stay well away now! she obviously hurts and i feel for her but she does make me angry! I'm sure your sil will come round she is hurting and probably doesn't know how to talk to you at the moment give her time!x good luck with your pregnancy and enjoy it don't let others bring you down!xx
  • dnt worry hunnny ppl r just selfish ok they have lost there baby and u feel awkward enuff as it is so they dont need to make u feel worse try not to take it to heart babe ppl are just so spitefull if the show was on the other foot they wud expect u to b all smiles just ignore thm hun and u boast about your baby if u want cos im dam sure they wud be if they was pregnant xxx
  • thats a touch strong tinkerbell, I think there is just a communal feeling when it comes to babies and people whilst people might struggle to overcome their personal feeling on a matter, I don't think its spiteful. Just a fundemental insecurity of some women and proof that whilst outside people move on from losing a child it can sometimes continue to affect people to the point of dysfunction. Its truly sad and not to be damned I believe.

    My sister lost a baby 8 years ago, she was too young either way but has been trying since. I got pregnant and we had to work through some stuff but it did prompt her to go and throughly investigate with a doctor what was wrong and now she can try and work through those obstacles, it was really hard for her and I'd feel a degree of compassion for anyone in that situation. Its harsh for everyone.
  • hi hun, i had a mc in october and my sister was already preg, although it was hard 4 me (especially when baby was born) I was so happy 4 her, she had wanted a baby for so long hoe could I not be happy???

    U shouldnt let this bother u, u have every right to be happy so does ur hubby, im even happy for u.
    Enjoy ur pregnancy babe, its passes so quick and I know that after my daughter was born, I kinda missed being preg, lol.

    I hope all goes well for u hun

    Kirsty xx
  • Hi

    I know how hard it is to be TTC for a long time when everyone around you is getting pg it is sooooo hard but I was never rude or horrible to any of my pg friends I did stuggle with my SIL as she was giving birth as i was having my fallopion tube removed and they hadn't been trying long this I found very difficult and heart breaking but I only ever showed this to hubby. I am now pg from ivf and am so thankful everyday and still can't believe it. Enjoy your pregnency and be happy people will learn to cope with it, but it is hard for them but don't feel guilty its not your fault xx
  • I think the idea of writing a letter to your SIL is a good idea. Hopeflly she will see that your pregnancy has nothing to do with her MC. Someone worte on a thread the other day. just because those around you are getting PG it does not decrease your chances and it does not mean they have robbed you baby. Well you have not robbed hers and you deserve to enjoy these happy moments with you family.

    As for your 'friend' . go out enjoy your evening and have a fab time. its your friend who is missing out not you and by her own choice. Shes an adult ( albeit not behaving like one) so if her choice is to stay at home thats up to her. Dont let it affect you hun. Stay happy x
  • Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy! That's great news!!

    I have a few friends who have been ttc for a while; they have been down the IVF route also with no success. So when I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon but nervous about how they would take the news. One of them never spoke to me about the pregnancy and generally avoided me, another was very pleased for me and we were able to go out and she would ask me how I was etc...

    I know it must be hurtful for you that your SIL and friend are avoiding you but at the moment they are too wrapped up in their own disappointment and grief to be able to be glad for you. Sometimes when you want something so badly seeing someone else have it is just too much to bear. So I would say give them time... you may find in time they can get past their own feelings to be happy for you or maybe they can't. I would take your cue from them... the friend that avoided me I respected that and made sure she knew when I'd had lo etc through mutual friends. The one that didn't avoid me I did talk about the pregnancy etc when she asked but didn't push the info on her as I didn't want to rub her nose in it.

    Lastly don't let the situation stop you from enjoying your pregnancy and talking about it to other family and friends. Wishing you a safe and healthy 9 months!
  • Hi

    Apologies I am nipping out in a minute so haven't had time to read all the messages. I can understand completely what you are going through. My OH and I were not trying and when we tell people we get a kind of "really???" response and not the congrats that we are hoping for, I am dreading telling one set of friends as they are how I me my OH and have been together 7 years and she is really broody at the moment and I just know they are going to avoid us from the minute they find out. It is so hard and does take some of the pleasure out of it but as long as you and OH are happy then that is the main thing. Try not to let it get you down, easier said than done I know, but remember your little bean can sense your emotions and you need to be positive for him/her!

    I hope everything works out for you!
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