Single Mum.Doing this on my own.

Hi,
Is anyone else going through pregnancy on their own?
I am doing this on my own and I am sure this is what I want to do with the rest of my life but I haven't had contact with any other women who are going through pregnancy alone. I am 38 and this is my first pregnancy. I was told a few years ago that I would not be able to have children (premature menopause)and this pregnancy has been a complete shock, but I am so happy and feel that this baby has chosen to be with me despite all the odds!
My partner left a few months ago (the shock news was just too much for him) and even though I wanted him to be involved and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, I am going forward with this pregnancy and feel a deep love for my baby so just want to do the best thing for her.
I have tried to have no negative feelings towards him or get upset about the situation, as it won't change the way he feels and I want my baby not not have to suffer from stress.

My medical team have been brilliant and I feel very supported by them. I have lots of very good friends around the country, no one lives near to me. I did have friends locally but so many people have got married and moved on.This happens when you are in your 30's!
So apart from my ex- partner, I know very few people where I live. This means that I will be going through the birth on my own and really bringing up the baby on my own.
I did think of moving but to where? I left home at 17 and my parents have both remarried and have their own lives now so there really isn't a home as such,to go back too.
This is not a sob story just the way I find my life at the moment and I wondered if anyone else has found their life different from what they expected and is now facing the birth and bringing up their baby on their own?

Thanks, MollyBee

Posts

  • hi hun im currently expecting no4, split with ex a few months ago.
    my family live abroad so pretty much on my own, i go to a brest feeding drop in every week (even though i stoped bf youngest at 11m, he now 14m) as i made some friends and its nice to chat and catch up. it may be worth checking out wat groups r in ur area hun.
    im not daunted by bringing up lo on my own as oh was pretty useless so done everything myself anyhow,lol
    also i get to make all the decissions and reap all the rewards image
    when r u due hun? hope ur feeling well and enjoying pregnancy before the sleep deprevation starts,lol. xx
  • I am due in February.I live on the outskirts of Bristol.
    I have tried to go to one expectant Mums group a few weeks ago but by the time every one had introduced themselves in the group, it became clear that out of a group of 35 I was the only one doing this on my own, so I felt worse not better. The odd one out!
    I tend to not feel upset about doing this on my own until I go to midwife appts or at ante-natal appts and then I feel so different from all the other happy couples around me.
    I must stress I am happy and have a really positive outlook on life but just feel so intimidated by the fact I'm doing this on my own.
    I'm about to start NCT classes in Jan '08 and I am the only one doing it on my own, in my group. Yet again the poor single Mum person.Though I am sure all the people in my group will be lovely. I just want to meet women like me.
    Is there any groups for expectant Mums doing it on their own? In Bristol area?

    I think the constant question " Are you doing this on your own?" really freaks me out and I think "Yes I am, is that a bad thing?"
    I am a very competent person, I earn my own money, have a good job and my partner, even though a nice person, was not very reliable or capable. An overgrown teenager in fact!
    So my baby will OK with me and I will do everything possible to make sure she has a happy, secure and wonderful life.

    Glad to hear I am not the only person doing this on my own. I knew I couldn't be, I just haven't met anyone else in my position.
    Though lots of my friends are now single Mums but didn't start out that way.
    So at least I know up front and have time to plan!
  • Sometimes doing this on your own can be even more rewarding- and I'm not just saying that. I spent the first ten months on my own with my wee boy and we developed such a close special bond in that time.

    Also your life is not over this is just the current chapter- who knows you may and probably will meet someone else in the next few years- i did. Let your ex do what he chooses with regards to seeing the baby- at the end of the day you can give lo enough love for two. It will be ur exs loss if the child grows up not knowing him/her.

    I wouldn't stop from going to parenting groups etc just because ur the only single one there- u still have enough in common with the others there without having a partner. Be posative and don't think that coz ur a single mum you have neon lights above your head telling everyone that u are- be proud of it

    Take care of yourself- you seem to think that being single and a mum is some sort of failure but its not- you are the bigger person that has chosen to face up to the responsibility of your baby. Cherish the baby- it is a gift
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