I know before I even write this post what people are going to think. Its why I just cant talk to anyone about this. I know Im going to be severely condemend but I desperately need some help.

Ive been bulimic on and off for over 10 years. Its not realy a weight thing, its more a respone to stress. When I got pregnant I was able to sort myself out at the start. Then morning sickness kicked in quite badly. I was worried about the effect the vomiting would have on the baby but my midwife reassured me that as long as I kept something down, drank lots of fluids and took my multivitamin it would be ok. This advice in the long run was my undoing. As my pregnancy progressed the urge to binge returned and as much as I tried to stop myslef what my midwife told me was in the back of my mind. I ate normally and healthly during the day making sure I was taking in enough calories and the right foods. However, at night Id end up binging and then bring it up.

Ive made sure Im eating and drinking enough of the right foods and take my prenatal vitamin but Im terrified that the act of vomiting may still have had an effect on my baby. Im now 30weeks and have managed to get my binging down to once or twice a week. I know this sounds utterely selfish and cruel and Im sure theres not a person out there who doesnt think Im a complete b'%&h, but I have tried so hard to contol this. I have never told anyone this before in my life, none of my family or even my partner know and I cant explain how impossible it is to even consider telling anyone. I know everyone is going to want to know why I just dont go for medical help. I cant, I coulnt bear others knowing it would just make it worse and then my partner knowing, putting that pressure on him, I just cant it do it to him.

I know Im going to get alot of abuse for this post, I know I dont deserve this baby. Ive spent months reading posts on this site wishing to God I could just be normal like everyone else, but Im hoping that someone out there knows something about this and can give me some information. Im trying to stop and feel Im getting there but Im worried its too late, will the vomiting have damaged my baby. Someone must know something about this, please I just want some help.


  • For starters, well done for being brave enough to post it. And you shouldn't get abuse for that fact, this is a supportive website and we are here to help each other.
    On the back of that, you need to get professional help. I have no idea of the medical implications for your lo, but you need to be asking someone the questions. You need someone to talk to who can help you understand and overcome your illness.
    Look at the steps you have taken already, you've come so far to help yourself and your baby, but you really do need support to get you through.
    There was apost about this last week but I couldn't find it, if you look back you might spot it.
    Be brave and speak to your gp or midwife, get some help and support and good luck.
  • Im sorry to hear your suffering hun, I cant really suggest anything to help you myself, I went through a phase myself when I was younger and just before I got pregnant of taking laxatives to keep control over my weight...luckily the second stage I didnt get too far into it when I found out I was pregnant so I found it quite easy to stop. That and I dont know how oh would have reacted if he found out.
    I agree with zoey that you should speak to a gp or someone. Im not sure if it will have an effect on lo, but it will def be having an effect on you and your important as well.
    Good luck hun, I really hope you manage to get out of this habbit xxxxxxxxx


  • hiya hun, again you are very brave for taking the step of asking for help on here, and whatever you may think that is such a brave thing to do.

    Although im not sure of the effect on the baby, im sure you have gone for the normal anti natal checks, scans etc and if somethinbg was adnormal it prob would have been likely detected

    I cant begin to imagine how hard it must feel as ive never been in that position, but i really think you need to let ur partner now whats going on hun, as u need lots of support when seeking professioanl help, be that talking to ur gp/ midwife. well done for posting on here, ur a very brave lady,


  • Hi Drac- no abuse from me, I know how hard it is to stop.
    You've made a big step in acknowledging it is a problem and you MUST get it sorted to ensure you stay healthy for your baby not just through the remainder of the preg but beyond aswell.
    You have a few options, gp, midwife, eating disorders helpline or private counselling for example, but do it today.
    good luck xxxxx
  • Hi Sweetie, don't worry about getting abuse, we are really not like that on here. You have been really brave admitting to the problem, the other girls are right though, you really need to find some professional help. Don't worry about your lo, babies are really good at taking the nutrients they need from you even if it leaves you short, but you do really need to get some help to ensure that you are healthy enough to enjoy your baby when it arrives. You do deserve to be pregnant, it is not your fault that you suffer from this disease and you must be an increadibly strong person to go through this by yourself. Use that strength to find someone to help you.
    Take care
  • Awww hun, u are in a pickle aren't u! Bless ur heart, u've made a big step by putting it in writing on here today but I do agree - u must tell ur midwife at least hun as they will help you thru this and help you to look after ur growing baby. The hardest people to tell will be ur oh and ur family but I really do think u need to speak to ur oh - it's not thru any fault of ur own, it's an illness and like any illnes u can pull thru this with help. When I had bad PND I found it extremely difficult to tell my dh but I'm so glad I did in the end as he has been a tower of strength for me and I don't know where I'd b without him tbh.

    By the sound of it, baby is doing ok as u didn't say any probs have been noted so we need to take care of you now hun - we're all here behind you, supporting you and willing you to get some help........please hun, talk to someone soon. take care xxx
  • you have done great being open about this and the fact that you are worried about the possible affects on baby shows greatly that you do deserver to have this baby,

    i know its not the same but whiles in my high school yrs i stared with an eating disorder, lucky for me i was not able to keep it hidden from everyone for long anothe to stop me being able to control things again, with me it was largely about my weight,

    when i first found out i was pg, even though it was partly planned my biggest worry was what damage i might do to baby,( i've never wanted to damage baby and i've never not wanted him/her ) but through out my pregnancy its been in the back of mind, i told my mw about this at my second appointment, my oh has known about this for a while so he told her really i just sort of sat there and she was great and has been through out, The best bit of advice i was given at the start of my pg was make mw my best friend and tell her everything
    i was told that the act of being sick would not damage baby it was just the keeping the correct calories and weight gain that we had to work on, if you have any questions let me know, image

  • Well done you, for writing it down, that must have been very hard to do.

    Don't they say the hardest thing ever to do is to admit to it - and isn't that just what you have done - so you should be proud of yourself for doing just that.

    My best friend told me last year that she has been bulimic for over 15 years - and had told not a single sole ( not even her hubby ) until it all became to much last year. Since then, she has had two stints in rehab, and sees a councellor on a weekly basis - and says she feels a different person. In all the treatment she has had, she has said that not one person ( meaning medical as well ) has judged her.

    You need to seek help honey - not just for your lo, but for you, as you are also sooooo important.

    Hopefully you will see by the stacks of supporive replies on here that we will listen, and not judge, but please seek help, this is a very hard thing to overcome, and you may not be able to do it alone.

    Sam xxx
  • Thanks everyone for being so understanding. Just being able to tell someone is such a help. I have put on the right amount of weight, theres been lots of movement and the HR is ok. Im still worried about the undetectable stuff though.

    Babyemzie, did your midwife tell you if there could be any long term effects on your baby. Im worried about the stress Ive put him/her under.

    Again, thanks everyone for the support and advice.
  • Hi hon, didn't want to not reply even though I've got no experience of this I can share with you.

    That said, I think you probably know that it's really important you go to see someone about it a) re your concerns for your baby's health (although it sounds as though it's doing fine!) Babies are resiliant and remember a lot of women suffer from chronic pregnancy sickness (I know it's a completely different cause) and their babies seem to do fine and b) because of how your baby will grow up to view food etc.

    Wishing you all the luck in the world and a happy and healthy future for both you and your baby.xx
  • Hey hun.
    I didn't want to read and run. I think you are incredibly brave. Eating disorders are horrible to suffer let alone to admit to.
    Don't ever be worried about being judged by anyone on here, sometimes (I'm guilty of this one too) people get a little empassioned but they are very rarely nasty and judgemental.
    Like the other ladies have said I think you should speak to your midwife about this. However, my sister suffered terribly with morning sickness (I know it's a little different but it amounts to the same, food goes in and comes straight back out) she hardly kept anything down the whole time she was pregnant. Her baby weighed in at 6lb which was the same as my son and ate for both of us and the neighbourhood and kept it all in :lol:
    I suppose the point I'm trying to make is if you can get past the 12 week stage then baby is a fighter. Don't ever think that you don't deserve this. Every woman deserves a shot a motherhood and I'm sure you will do your baby proud.

    Hope everything works out for you and your baby, we are all here to listen if you ever need us.

  • Drac really all mw said was that i have a higher chance of miscarriage but thats due to damage i've already done to my body, but also that i might go into premature labor, which brings its own problems bu nothing to serious, she seemed more worried abou the problems it could cause to me, xxx

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