Bit of a moan-feeling tired, lonely and fed up!!! :cry:

Hi ladies could do with bit of advice although not sure there is any!

I'm 12 weeks preg and have a 1 year old lil boy! my husband works nights and is also working for his cousin in the day time working on cars! i'm really struggling with tiredness due to the pregnancy and also having a one year old which is hard enough but my lil one can be quite a handful at times!
Generally parenting is left to me, hubby hasn't got the patience and ends up telling lo off for crawling where he shouldn't, i then have a go at him about it because lo isn't doing anything wrong! so then we fall out!
I'm on my own most of the day, hubby sleeps til about 1, then works on cars then when he comes back in he goes to bed til he goes to work at 9:30! and when he isn't working or sleeping he is ignoring me-he says because he is tired or we are arguing!
I tried to talk to him today about it and he shouted at me saying, 'he's not relaxing he's out working for US!' and i do know that but i said to him 'whats the point, if you don't have a family left!' i really feel its all going wrong and he just doesn't see things from my point of view! alone all day, and evening and when he is there he's nasty to me! probably hormones too but feel like i could just burst out crying at anytime!
He just doesn't acknowledge that i'm pregnant and doing all the child care and i'm just shattered! he always used to make comments that i don't do anything round the house during the day, but since i've been preg i haven't had the energy to do anything and the house is a tip so i did point that out and make a point of all my effort 24/7!
Like on xmas eve, we went to bed and he said to me, don't get me up too early in the morning, i'm really tired!!!!! and i just huffed and went to sleep-then in the morn when lo woke up i woke oh up and said go on i'm having a lie in i'm tired! and he moaned, chucked his slippers :lol: and went and got him!
I now do this every sunday! why should i get up at 6:30-7 everyday when he gets to sleep as much as he wants because 'i work nights' thats all i hear!!!!!
i know i'm going on abit but i can't talk to him about it, i have tried and don't know what else i can do, started thinking it would be better to split up but we've got lo and another on the way, and been together 8 years now!!! any advice at all would be great! thanks for reading my boring post!!! :\(

xx
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Posts

  • Aww hun, i dont think i have any good advice to give, just wanted to let you know that i do know how you feel! OH and i had this very same problem when he set up his own business, he was out working til all hours, then would come home, moan about how tired he was and then go to bed leaving me to deal with it all! Like you i tried to talk to him, but it took me actually leaving him before he realised that actually i was just as tired as him, and that if he helped, we might both be a little less tired and grumpy! He has been so much better since then, and has realised that there are more important things in life than arguing about who is more tired, who has done more, who works harder etc etc.
    Sorry i know that probably wasnt very helpful, just wanted you to know you're not alone, and that it did all work out for me, as i'm sure it will for you, whatever you decide.
    Big hugs xxxxxxx
  • hi hun, i really do not know what to suggest as i have not been in this situation. but sending you a big hug and i hope it all works out for you. take care. xxxxx
  • thanks for reply hun! glad its better for you now!
    I haven't really got anywhere to go and when i have chucked him out in the past he never goes LOL
    It does feel like a competition sometimes of who does more!
    Best thing is hubby has him on wednesdays when i go to work and when i get home he says 'god i'm so tired, he never stays still he does this this this.....' and i'm like 'yes i do know i do it all day everyday! even that doesn't make him think!! MEN!!!!!
    XX
    http://women.evenhealth.com/image/c/bg963414.jpg

  • He needs reminding that family should come first hun.....I know work is good etc as money does come in handy (lol) BUT it is not the be-all and end-all. My dh & I nearly split in 2007 as I felt similar to you - he worked 7 days a week and I was ferrying the elder 2 to & from school while caring at home for a toddler & a new born! On top of that, I just didn't feel loved anymore as work always came 1st, no matter what. Anyway, it all came to a head one night & he promised to relax his ties on the work front.......2 days later, he was back to normal so I told him I was leaving him and taking the kids with me - he actually walked out of work and came home....even told the manager on duty that day that he didn't give a toss if he was sacked for it as his family was more important to him and he was gonna save it!!!!!

    He has had odd lapses since but usually only day or so. Not the sort of thing that will work for every family, I know. My suggestion to you would be to write it all down.....how you feel, the fact that you feel 'family life' is non-existent etc and make him read it. I just hope you can get thru to him hun, or as you said, there'll b no 'family'. xx
  • thanks ladies, i have written letters before and an e-mail lol and told him to read it before coming to bed that morning!
    Think i will write a letter tonight and leave it out for him to read! i do need to do something and if he still doesn't realise after that then think that really will be the end! at the end of the day, i know its important to try for the kids but i have tried too much and he hasn't tried at all, but its not nice for the kids to be in the middle of it, and they are my priority!!
    Thanks for advice-will do that now!!
    xx
    http://women.evenhealth.com/image/c/bg963414.jpg

  • Hiya honey, did you write the letter last night? How are you feeling today? x
  • hi, i wrote a very long letter, but could have carried on all night! lol
    I left it out for him to read when he got home from work this morning and i got woken up by a big cuddle a lots of kisses!! lol he has been lovely today, even got up early and hasn't been grumpy at all! its nice but i just hope it lasts! at least he realises now and is trying at least!
    Thanks for asking hun!!
    xxx

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  • Aww, fingers crossed for you hun xxxx Glad things have improved for now x
  • Oh good, i'm glad he seems to have taken note! I'm sure he'll make more of an effort now he knows exactly how you feel xxxx
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