Why do people try to force their opinions on you?

In the last 48 hours I have had:

1. Breast feeding is EVIL - you will end up resenting your child and get PND.
2. We will come to stay with you for TWO WEEKS after the birth image
3. You WILL use a dummy, don't be so stupid for suggesting otherwise.
4. You HAVE to register with the Pampers people cos I want you to.
5. You will NEVER manage using reusable nappies so don't even bother trying.
6. You MUST buy the sterilizer/bottles/baby wipes/vests I tell you too. If you buy any other kind of sterilizer/bottle/baby wipes/vests then you are clearly an unfit mother.
7. Everything you buy HAS to be from Toys R Us, cos I say so.


:evil: :evil: :evil:
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Posts

  • Honestly.. is this a friend or mum/MIL, some people just think they know whats best for you and don't respect your opinion! I've had loads of prize ones, I expect once baby arrives the comments will multiply, I think you have to learn to take these things with a big pinch of salt, just nod, agree and do your own thing, its the best way trust me!!
  • These gems are from the outlaws. I try very hard to keep calm but it is so hard!
  • omg seriously. that is just rude!!
    ive been quite fortunate at the mo with not having many comments but im sure they will start soon enough!!!
    my hubs is so certain i wont cope with 2 children even though our son is at school every day so it shouldnt be too different. but we'll see!!
    xxx
  • OMG, you must have the patience and tolerance of a saint hun, don't think I could put up with even a teeny amount of their rubbish.
    Totally out of order!
    xxx
  • Argh, I have no idea how people put up with such comments!

    I've been quite lucky so far. The MIL and I disagreed over expressing and told me not to bother that getting the equipment; she was at least tactful about it.

    There's a fine line between sharing your opinions and inflicting them, which sounds like a tiny spot on the horizon to your outlaws! It's one thing to be obnoxious about your opinions but she could be hard to keep away after baby is here by the sounds of things!

    Sadly I think a lot of grandparents see baby as 'their grandchild' first, and 'your child' second. It's an exciting time for them, too, and they want what they perceive as best for baby (who wouldn't?!) but they clearly need to take a step back and realise how unreasonable they can be!

    I really hope that things improve for you! x
  • lol Moonandstars

    Heres another one for you:
    8. Shoot your inlaws!

    They sound like mine! I haven't seen mine for 9 months (9 months of pure heaven) and they've only met my baby once which was a week after she was born! and that was torture! and managed to annoy u yet again! I hated every second of it! she tried bossing me about, cut my head out of all the photos they took - didn't even want one of their own son with his new baby!?! telling me where to shop for something as she wouldn't give us a voucher (even though we had already bought everything we needed and didn't really want anything or want to have to go shopping)

    My MIL finally gave up phoning us a few months ago! she finally took hubbys hint! my hubby kept telling her we were too busy to visit them and after endless times of them invting themselves over, and hubby endlessly telling them we have been building a new business ever since the baby arrived!, we also dont really want them in our lives due to bad history and that we are just TOO dam BUSY!

    We had message after message on our answerphone telling us they want to see the baby, "your dad has the day off so we want to see the baby" so what!? jesus he only works two days a week and is supposed to be retired! (we reckon he works still to get away from her! - I know I would!)

    She also told were to buy things etc, what I should and shouldn't do, compared my weight gain to her own daughters (and anyone else) (this is the woman who the year before my 2nd pregnancy phoned US just to tell us that hubby sister had put on two stone in her pregnancy and was till getting bigger! WHAT A COW! she always phones round the family with gossip, and this is the daughter who suffered with anorexia and buliemia and had a coke problem because her mother always mentioned her weight!) the woman makes my skin crawl and ALWAYS has!!! I hope I never have to endure her company again!

    Hubbys Dad is just a yes man, "yes dear what ever you say dear" and then scrurries off to play with his model cars and planes!! a complete non-entity

    So, you have my complete sympathy!
    heres my responses: I've answered in the ****
    1. Breast feeding is EVIL - you will end up resenting your child and get PND. *** breast feed for two years solid***
    2. We will come to stay with you for TWO WEEKS after the birth ***make a sign for the front door "in Florida until further notice" ***
    3. You WILL use a dummy, don't be so stupid for suggesting otherwise. ***theres only one 'dummy here and its your MIL'***
    4. You HAVE to register with the Pampers people cos I want you to. *** register with huggies ***
    5. You'll NEVER manage using reusable nappies so don't even bother trying. *** photograph a used poo-filled nappy and send it to them as proof via text saying 'told you' ***
    6. You MUST buy the sterilizer/bottles/baby wipes/vests I tell you too. If you buy any other kind of sterilizer/bottle/baby wipes/vests then you are clearly an unfit mother. *** I cant believe this one!!! I'd answer back with a shocking statement and wait for the look of horror!!! ... "but fit enough to screw your son and make a baby! i'll buy what I want for MY baby ***
    7. Everything you buy HAS to be from Toys R Us, cos I say so. *** (so I'll be seeing you in Mothercare lol ;o) )***

    Some people ay! bet you cant WAIT to have THEM round after the baby is born!!??

    We're always on Rightmov looking for a new house with a drawbridge and moat because of families!!!

    I hope things get sorted out for you, but if its anything like my situation it wont, and you'll hardly see them anyway so 'happy days'!!
    You're a saint if you can put up with that without blowing your top in their direction!

    I wish you luck! take care! xxx
  • "but fit enough to screw your son and make a baby!"

    That gets my favourite quote of the day award.
  • People think they know best and it's so annoying. When I was pg I actually had a huge row with my OH because someone had given me 2 packs of newborn nappies their son had grown out of (1 pack pampers 1 huggies) and he said "well one of those will be useless as you have to stick to the first brand you use". He insisted that if you ever dared to use a different nappy brand (eg you started with Pampers but tried huggies) your LO would get a hideous nappy rash. I knew this was crap but he kept hinting I knew nothing about babies bc his mums a childminder....Well ofc, it's a load of rubbish, I've tried all the brands on 2 year old ds and never had a problem!
  • Tehe! This is why we aren't telling the inlaws (outlaws are wanted - remember!) that we are pregnant till we come back from Marrakech. Yes i am 9 weeks and flying to another country.
    These are people who have never owned a passport and think Wales is foreign. And pregnancy is an illness (well thats what the other SILs have used it as)
    So travelling abroad at 9weeks to a country where you cant drink the tap water may blow their tiny minds! Oh and Im going to be working full time until around week 37!! lol

    I am seriously considering not telling them at all until the baby arrives!
  • Because they think they know best, or that they never did it 'properly' the first time round so are trying to make you do!

    Your 'outlaws' are bang out of order. just ignore them! You CAN do it YOUR way!!!

    1. I bf both my children and never had PND and will be bf this one!
    2. two weeks? do they have a problem with their own house? I'd give them timed visting schedules!
    3. Never used a dummy, never needed one
    4. women manged perfectly well before all these 'clubs'
    5. Used reusables all the way through to being toilet trained (and with my youngest the only real option was 'terry' nappies).
    6. Rubbish - buy what's on offer - they all do the same job and tell bossy britches to shove it.
    7. would purposely shop elsewhere.
  • i had a complete stranger that i was working temporarily with ask me if we knew the sex of the baby, to which i replied 'yes we're having a boy' and he said 'oh you silly silly girl why would you do that? that's just such a silly thing to do'
    I mean OMG......... Talk about insensitive!!! Our baby, our choice!!!!!!
    Sometimes people are just so....Aarrrghhh!!
  • Oh its so annoying isn't it. I had a man round to fix the boiler when I first started my mat leave before my DS was born & he asked me whether I was going to breastfeed & then proceeded to tell me what to do and not to worry if i couldn't do it & told me all about what his wife did! Luckily the boiler didn't need much work & he wast here for long. Its funny now but it was sooooo uncomfortable at the time & i really just wanted to tell him to shut up haha!!
  • 1. Breast feeding is EVIL - you will end up resenting your child and get PND. breastfeeding is wonderful (after the first 2 weeks) and many more people resent themselves and struggle with the fact they didnt breastfeed!
    2. We will come to stay with you for TWO WEEKS after the birth image not a chance!
    3. You WILL use a dummy, don't be so stupid for suggesting otherwise. i didnt want to use a dummy, but dd likes to suck to sleep. she then spits the dummy out, so its in for 5 - 10 mins. she doesnt need one everday either. just occasionally when she's over tired. they are not evil, so dont rule it out completely
    4. You HAVE to register with the Pampers people cos I want you to. register with everyone as you get free stuff.
    5. You will NEVER manage using reusable nappies so don't even bother trying. we love our reusable nappies and have bought 2 packs of disposables since dd was born.
    6. You MUST buy the sterilizer/bottles/baby wipes/vests I tell you too. If you buy any other kind of sterilizer/bottle/baby wipes/vests then you are clearly an unfit mother. some are better than others, so ask around. but seriously, but cheeky wipes. dont even bother trying to use a cotton wool ball to get rid of merconium. cheeky wipes are the future. and tesco do front fastening vests which are ace as they dont go over baby's head
    7. Everything you buy HAS to be from Toys R Us, cos I say so.
    no idea why. shop around. we've found m&p to be rubbish though
  • Ha ha, thanks girls, your replies have cheered me up no end!

    I agree, I am totally brilliant for not telling them where they can shove their opinions. ;\)

    I know they are excited about having another grandchild, but it doesn't mean they have the right to force their opinions down my throat. I've taken to looking into the middle distance and removing my conscious mind from the situation!!

    Tutandidamoon I wish I could emigrate sometimes! Your outlaws sound very similar to mine. FIL has spent the last few months repeatedly telling us that his daughter is "enormous" or "massive" or just plain fat - NO SHE'S NOT SHE'S HAVING A BABY!!! Now that SIL has had her baby his parting comment to me was "oh and by the way you're getting fat now". :evil: :evil: I wish I WAS able to answer back (love your answers by the way) but hubby hates to upset his parents and I feel so guilty if I ever say anything negative about them. I tend to just bite my tongue and then do the opposite of what they tell me to do. Luckily we don't see them that often and then only for a few hours at a time.

    On the Toys R Us front - I have no idea where that obsession came from, but EVERY time I talk baby stuff with MIL she harps on about it. She does this really irritating thing where she will look straight at hubby and start telling HIM what we will need. The last one was a top and tail bowl. She ignored me totally, looked right at hubby and told him we would need a top and tail bowl (then explained in detail why) and that we should go straight to Toys R Us to get one. Never mind that I ALREADY HAVE ONE!!! I think she does it cos she thinks I can't be trusted. And why hubby didn't just TELL his mother that we already have one and that he UNDERSTANDS WHAT THEY ARE FOR I will never know. Arg, its making my blood boil again!!!

    Anyway, thanks for making me smile girls, and I'm so pleased other people agree with me that they are out of order - sometimes I think I must be the only person in the whole world who thinks they are barking mad.
  • Just thought I would add

    Calleigh - I haven't ruled dummies out (I've not ruled anything out, I'm going to play everything by ear until I find what works for me) - I've bought a couple to keep on standby. It was more the way they both jumped down my throat when I suggested that I wasn't entirely sold on them that upset me. They were so rude and aggressive about it - bordering on the nasty actually. And I LURVE Cheeky Wipes, they are just the best!!!!
  • Your MIL sounds like my nan moonandstars. She even tried telling me what I should name my baby with the first, though unlike you I DO tell people where they can go :lol:

    I've also had FIL telling me what I NEED to call baby if it's a boy (as in after him). Luckily though I have a good relationship with him so I tell him to sod off! image
  • Just thought I would add

    Calleigh - I haven't ruled dummies out (I've not ruled anything out, I'm going to play everything by ear until I find what works for me) - I've bought a couple to keep on standby. It was more the way they both jumped down my throat when I suggested that I wasn't entirely sold on them that upset me. They were so rude and aggressive about it - bordering on the nasty actually. And I LURVE Cheeky Wipes, they are just the best!!!!

    it wasnt meant to sound like i was telling you what to do! lol. just some people are so anti dummies it's silly. as long as they are not still sucking on them when they are 4! image
  • OMG I'm really beginning to hate most non-pregnant people at the minute! :lol:

    My cousin (who is a mw by the way!) told me that I may well have damaged my baby now and I should be ashamed.... because we had a private gender scan.
    H2B's friends gran asked me the other day if we knew the sex and I said 'yes it's a little girl and I'm buying everything pink I can find' and laughed, she nearly went through me telling me to stop buying things because 'it's childbirth afterall, anything could happen you or the baby and then he (h2b) will be left to throw all your things AND the baby things out' I was GOBSMACKED!! This is a woman I've met 3 times before telling me chances are me and the baby will die!!

    I am truelly amazed at the lack of tact people have at talking to pregnant women!!

    phew ok...rant over..sorry for hi-jacking your thread M&S! image xx

  • it wasnt meant to sound like i was telling you what to do! lol. just some people are so anti dummies it's silly. as long as they are not still sucking on them when they are 4! image


    My little boy is 3 nearly 4 and still had his dummy i plan to get rid of it soon but he only has it to sleep at night its a strict rule.
    I also get annoyed when people who have never been in a situation judge others.......id rather get rid of his dummy by 5 than have him suck his thumb like josie in big brither still in his 20's.
    lelly
  • well, i am not going to help turn this thread into an argument by asking why on earth you didnt wean him off the dummy at 1. do you not think josie just does that for attention? in a misguided look-ho-cute-i-am way?
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