Anxious about Becoming dependant!

Hey girls,

my contract finishes at work in 4 weeks at which point for the first time EVER i'll have to go on to benifits and be dependant upon OH! He is being very good to me but its causing me no end of anxity! I have always worked! I am worried about our relationship - perhaps a power inbalance, excess money strain, OH feeling he needs to do more hours (he does loads already). I have 3 months when i finish before i give birth but already showing heavely and to be honest not really able to work so god only knows what ill be like later on! plus were moving home and OH says its like a full time job getting everything sorted there... which it is... I am better at managing money than he is... if he or I likes something he'll just buy it and go without afterwards... with a baby on the way this makes alarm bells go off in my head!! AUGH!! He earns a decent wage & I dont really want him to do more hours as i think he does well enough, i just feel like i'm not pulling my weight... yes i know i'm carrying his child! but its just freeking me out the idea of not earning although actually i cant wait to finish this contract as i'm just really not able! I know this is not rational! but just wondering if anyone else feels like this?

Hormones huh! who'd have em!! :lol: xx


  • hi honey,

    i'm feeling exactly the same! i'm a uni student but at the moment i'm only in lectures a couple of hours a week and wont be there at all as of beginning of april. i was working as a temp over xmas but finished that in early feb. we found out i'm preggers on xmas eve and i've been showing for the last couple of weeks. i'm finding it absolutely impossible to find a job, everybody just sees the bump and thats it. its so frustrating because i've supported myself since i was 16 and this is the longest i've been without a job in four years!! my oh is a carpenter and although he doesnt generally earn that much it's enough for us and (hopefully) the baby when he/she comes along. however, since we found out he's been working 6, sometimes 7 days a week so we can be comfortable enough for him to have a few weeks off when the baby comes and for us to have a house (we're in a flat at the mo) when our tenancy is up in september. i don't have a problem with people being on benefits when they need them but i've never claimed any and neither have any of my family and especially as i'm quite young i feel like i'm going to be judged really badly if i claim! not only that but i'm not exactly sure what i'd be entitled to anyway. it really gets me down some days, not only the money aspects but the fact that i am so so bored already and i've still got a very long way to go!!

    anyway chick, no handy advice i'm afraid so i know i'm not much help but i thought i'd let you know you're not alone in feeling like this!!

  • I feel exactly the same. I have worked since I was 13 years old and could not imagine relying souly on benefits which I will have to do as all dh wages goes on bills and he is also paying of my student debt which I am eternally grateful for.

    Just the thought of not working is totally freaking me out and I am not finishing work until 10 days before my due date.

  • I have worked since I was 14 and my work ethics/values are really enstealed into me ive worked hard to get where i am, and I suspose it builds apart of your ideinty when you introduce yourself one of the first things people ask you is what you do... Also ive always got fairly good money so not being able just to pay my own bills.. OH said well set up a join acount or he'll just give me his bank card I supose its the prinsable (sp) glad i'm not alone! spose its just apart of how my life i going to change!! x
  • I earn more than my husband and feel really bad that while I'm on maternity the income will fall. Hubby says we'll manage and I'm sure we will but I still feel bad. I feel I have to go back to work sooner because of the money. We have a big mortgage but we don't do anything flash each month and we have to be sensible with money. I'd like to work only four days a week after baby comes along but don't think that's possible. Hubby is going to work bank holidays until baby comes to get some extra money to put away but I still worry! We have a joint account and we never think of our money as being mine and then his but I still feel bad. So I understand where you are coming from.
  • I know exactly how you ladies feel. I have these moments when i start to really worry about money and how we'll cope once baby arrives. I too have worked since i was about 14 and up til now have had a part-time cleaning job as well as being in full-time work and in a months time, i wont have either. Hubby works full-time but doesnt get paid that much more than what i do and i worry we wont be able to pay all the bills especially with the cost of everything going up so much (i could have fainted when i saw how much my gas bill has gone up this time!).

    We too dont live a life of luxury - only go out for meals every now and again and i dont spend a lot on clothes, makeup etc. A lot of our baby equipment has been bought second hand and ive been to a few NCT sales and got some good bargains there too.

    I am worried as my oh isnt very good with money and i control our finances and its grieves me that i am soon going to have to rely on him to pay the bulk of our bills. I suppose we will have to wait and see what tax credits / child credits we are entitled to once baby is here.

  • Tax credits didnt even dawn on me how do they work? x
  • I wish i knew! Ive got the forms and filled in most of them but there are a few sections which i need to fill in yet.

    Im also going to see if i qualify for Sure Start Maternity Grant once baby is here but dont hold out much hope for that! Would be nice to get given ??500!
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