help with oh

i have probably posted about this b4 but the same problem keeps coming up with my oh..........

basicly he says he wont be helping me at night with the baby as he has to work i did say to him but u dont go to bed until 2am anyway??? his answer is always "but do u really think i will be going to bed that late when the baby is here?" he is also planning to go on hol with his best mate and leave me at home with the baby as i wont go he has said other stuff like once a week he has his mates over and they play a footie game on his playstation 3 and they r here until 5-6am he says that wont change so far he has brought naff all for baby while i have skinted myself by paying for our entire flat to be decorated ready for baby i have been buying clothes etc whenever i can my mum is buying us the pram my dad is buying the cotbed and his mum is spending ??300 on bits n pieces for us he can be very selfish esp with money he has to have his fags n junk food everyday while i will go without everything i need so i can pay the morgage etc.........
im 30 weeks pg today and honestly thought he would of woken up to the fact that he is going to be a dad by now...
do u really think he will change when the baby is actually here or am i going to have problems???

Posts

  • hi lovely,

    sorry to hear your oh is a being such a pillock. can i ask how old you both are? i'm 20 and my partner's 25 and used to be wuite alot like your bloke. since we found out i'm expecting he has changed drastically and his mates have been really understanding. well most of them, there are a couple who say he's "under the thumb" etc but we'll see how they behave when they grow up and get into a serious relationship!

    anyway, you need to set your fella straight. obviously he's worried that being a dad is going to put an excessive amount of pressure on him and it sounds like he's in denial. going on a lads holiday when you've just given birth is ridiculous and if he wants to go then you should tell him thats fine but a little while after you're going to go on holiday with the girls and he can look after the newborn singlehandedly. i expect he'll change his mind after that. as for his mates coming over til 5 or 6 in the morning playing on the ps3!! i'd sell my fella's on ebay in a shot and buy the baby something with the ??300 u'll get for it! besides, as much as he might like to think that his life wont change that much, i doubt his mates will want to be over that much once the baby comes, men and babies that arent theirs dont go together that well, trust me!! and he might have to work during the day and therefore he doesnt think he should have to get up at night, thats fine. let him sleep through (if he can, i very much doubt it!) and then at the weekends let him look after the baby day and night and lets see then if he doesnt think caring for a baby during the day is work!!

    wow i'm having a right little rant myself!! i think it's a case of he's worried that he wont be one of the boys anymore, thats fair enough, but you wont be one of the single carefree grils anymore either, you're going to have a family at the end of the day babes and i'm sure something will click within him once the baby comes, maybe even before. i've got friends who were convinced their lives wouldnt change and their partners were so worried that they wouldnt be good dads but as soon as that baby appears its a different matter. honestly they change so quickly! the biggest hardest bloke friend i have rang me up crying his heart out when hs little girl was born, he was so so proud! unfortunately, it doesnt happen that easily for every man but i'd give him the benefit of the doubt until the baby comes, i really do think he's likely to change.

    make sure he knows (without making it an argument) that his life is going to change and you're not happy with the way he's acting and the things he's saying, maybe he really doesnt know how much upset he's causing you. i had a massive rant on here yesterday about my oh and in the end i showed him what i'd written and he apologised profusely, i really dont think he realised how upset i was. if u love him honey you have to stick by him and give him the chance to be a good dad. if he doesnt change when the baby comes then you might have to rethink your situation but for the time being just try talking to him and wait and see what happens when the baby comes. i can almost guarantee you he'll change.

    take care chick and dont stress!!

    love rhiannon xxx
  • hi rhiannon
    thanks for replying im 26 hes 22 i do blame it all on his age but im just so sick and tired of having the same conversation with him week after week tbh i think he may change after the lil one is here but cant be sure, i just feel im giving everything up and hes giving nothing up but i really hope ur right as i was never planning on bringing my lil girl up on my own!!!!

    vicky xxx
  • thats not right at all. i would kick his arse through the door today with his ps3. im really sorry you are going through this, it shouldnt be happening at all . if hes not going to do his share of the sleepless nights etc and put his child first then what is the point of him even being there ? it seems he hasnt grown up and needs are sharp dose of reality. you have to put your foot down now and take action,if you leave it, nothing will change im afraid and he will continue to take advantage of you. take care sweetie xxx
  • oh god!!!!!!!
    im considering taking the fuse out of the ps3!! im so sick of it im not even allowed to watch my own telly in the evening coz he is on-line with his ps3 playing with his mates actually one of his mates has about 100 kids and his girlfriend hid his ear piece for it which i thought was a brill idea!!! i have tried talking to him about this but it just ends up in an arguement with him accusing me of being unreasonable!!! he is a real mummies boy as well so ends up telling his mum everything!!!! im just unsure of what to do next really.....
  • i would let him mum have him back, seriously. if he loves you he would be willing to change but he needs a shock first. or he will never take you seriously. why should you have to pay for everything and carry all the responsibility, ? it would be like having 2 kids in the house. he wants the life of a single guy while you look after him pay the bills and wash his clothes. it sounds as though he expects you to pick up where his mum left off.
  • yh it is a bit like he wants me to be like his mum although i refuse to do certain stuff for him like his ironing etc i will be having another chat with him and will see where that gets me
  • Hey victoria,

    i totally agree with the others, especially from what u've said since ur first post. i'd say he needs a severe kick up the ass. go for it girl! lol i'd still sell hs ps3 though haha i'm evil. truly.

    let us know how it goes honey,

    xxxx
  • i'm sure he will think differently when the baby is here, he hasn't got a clue how his life will change when it arrives! theres no wa he will want his mates around all night waking the baby up! i wasn't sure my oh was up to being a dad but he's the best, it's changed his life completely. he went away for a lads weekend away when lo was three months old, we had discussed it and i said he could go, i went to my mum's! good luck in sorting him out! xx
  • sometimes its just easier to do it all on ur own my sister was in the same boat n ended up being a single mum hopefully ull be able to whip him into shape in time!! good luck hun.xx
  • i hate playstations with a passion. my OH has his mats here at the weekend ALL WEEKEND, and he plays it everynight before he goes to bed, which pisses me off because if i wanna talk he is tired etc, but yet he can sit up and play that until the sun come up. its ridiculous. thats why im moving out before the baby comes. i know his playstation will always mean alot to him, so i said i was leaving and getting my own place, soo you might wanna try letting him know that considering you are paying the mortgage etc on the house, if he wants to put a playstation before your future child then he might want to get his own place. It will amke him see you arent a walkover. My OH couldnt believe i was willing to move out over a playstation, considering we had alot of other and worse shit going on, he taught i was just using it to get his attention. So i starting sorting my own place and then he finally got the idea, and now the he plays the playstation max 2 hrs after work about two nights during the week and then on weekend its saturday from 11-5 his mates are here and thats it. im 20 and other half is 25, but you need to remember you can deduct ten years fromany mans age to figure out their real mental age. So i treat jason like a 15year old, because thats what he acts like.
  • thanks for the advice girls he knows i hate his ps3 as i changed my facebook status to " i hate kirks ps3" lol he asked me about it earlier and told him yh u know i hate it i cant even talk 2 u anymore in the evenings so he said he wouldnt jump straight on it when we get home at night.... well its a start i s'pose im not sure how to approch the other stuff tho.........
  • AAH I REAL FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. MY OH STARTED BEING A PILLOCK AFTER THE BABY WAS BORN.
    WHEN I WAS PREGNANT HE KEPT SAYING HOW MUCH HE WAS GOING TO HELP ME OUT.

    I HAD THE BABY (VIA C-SECTION) AND EVEN THEN ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS HELP, WHICH I WAS VERY GRATEFUL FOR AS I WAS BED BOUND FOR 2 WEEKS.
    HE DID NIGHT FEEDS, CHANGED LO'S BUM, HELPED ME BATH HIM, IN FACT HE COULDN'T DO ENOUGH.

    BUT AS SOON AS I STARTED FEELING BETTER THE NOVELTY WORE OFF, MY LO IS 10 WEEKS NOW AND HE HASN'T DONE A NIGHT FEED FOR 6 WEEKS, AND ALL HE DOES IS MOAN, IF HE COMES IN FROM WORK AND I'VE NOT DONE SOME OF THE HOUSEWORK I GET SNEAKY COMMENTS. MY DAY CONSISTS OF FEEDING BABY AT 6AM, GETTING THE OTHER 2 READY FOR SCHOOL AT 8.30AM, THEN I HAVE ANOTHER FEED AT 10AM, THEN LO IS AWAKE FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS SO I LIKE TO PLAY WITH HIM, THEN I TRY AND SQUEEZE THE WASHING UP IN BEFORE THE 2PM FEED, THEN FETCH KIDS AT 3PM THEN DO DINNER BY 6PM FEED, I RECKON HE THINKS IM WONDER WOMAN, WHAT ELSE COULD I CRAM INTO MY DAYS?????????

    I GAVE HIM A NICE LESSON THOUGH, HE HAD THE DAY OFF WORK ON MONDAY SO I MADE HIM DO ABOUT 75% OF WHAT I NORMALLY DO, AND EVEN THOUGH HE WON'T ADMIT THAT MY LIFE IS HARD, HE'S SUDDENLY CHANGED HIS TUNE.

    MY ADVICE TO YOU IS, GIVE HIM UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN, THEN IF HE DOESN'T BUCK UP HIS IDEAS GET RID. THE LAST THING YOU NEED WITH A NEWBORN BABY TO LOOK AFTER, IS ANOTHER BIG BABY!!!!!!
  • Hi Victoria ive just sent you an email regarding the topic the other night if you want to take a look at it, i'll just say with regards to ur OH age has nothing to do with it im only 22 with my second on the way and my Oh is useless an he is 31 just as bad with his bays and toys lol if i were u id kick him into touch and the best way to deal with things is to prepare yourself to be a single parent so your prepared if he doesnt get any better and then any help you do get if he changes will be a bonus i dont rely on my OH for nothing then whatever he does decide to do is a bonus good luck luv Sophie 32+1 xx
    http://b2.lilypie.com/rAlX0/.png


    http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev119pp___.png

  • hi hun
    i have been with my hubby 7 years and its took a good 5 to get him to grow up. when our son was born 10 months ago the shock was like a sledgehammer!! he is much more sensible that me now and is really good a cant fault him at all. i woul say wait until your baby is born to make any rash decisions as im pretty sure his attitude will change and apart from anything else he will be far too tired to play on ps3 until early hours!! we still grab every opportunity of sleep now!!! its just a shame he is tainting your pregnancy hun but its a difficult time and a life changing experience xx
  • hi sophie,
    just read ur email....... i really dont think doing pelvic floor exercises will help do u???
  • lol lol Victoria that made me chuckle.

    Of course pelvic floor excersizes will help it means you will find it much easier to kick your oh out and find a new man with your toned bottom and rejuvinated (very bad spelling) fanny. I totally see where Sophie is coming from.

    With men you have to take it one baby step at a time, he has agreed to not jump onto the ps3 straight away when he gets home so that is a start wait a little and see if it lasts and then suggest he helps out in other ways and gradually he will work out it is time to be a grown up. It has taken my husband a thousand years to appreciate that the fairies don't follow him around tidying up after him and so I just started not doing anything for him and he finally he very slowly started tifying up after himself.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel just make sure he knows who is in charge.

    C
    xx

    Caz
    xx
  • Hi Victoria

    I'm 26 with a bf of 30. He too has a PS3 as well as a xbox360 and a wii. As well as the PSP.

    As soon as we started seeing each other he made the time for that as well as time for me. Thats what your hubby will need to learn. To priorities. I tried not to make a comment last time cause I know things like this angers me.

    I'm the kinda girl that has a very strong back bone and if something should be said, I have no problem opening my mouth. This doesn't always work with others. But he needs to learn to get his act together. Sounds to me like he wants a single life more than anything. Doesn't sound like there is much respect for you let alone the baby. Your mother instincts should start kicking in soon and you will have to sit him down. Cause now all you need to think about is that baby and if he/she will have a part time dad. And you ask him that as well. And also ask him then if it would be fair to the baby.

    And you as a mother should decide if this is the life you want your child to have. You and I and everyone on here all know what he is doing is wrong. Lad or not. He has responsibility. Make him see it from our point of view.

    Good luck sweety.....

    Tash
  • morning girlys
    last nite went well i think he didnt play his ps3 all nite!!! well until i went to bed anyway and he rubbed my belly for the first time in months!!! and even kissed the baby goodnight!!! i was in shock!!! its a definate start i think but saying this he didnt get home from work until 9.45pm so tonight is the real test as he is getting home at about 4pm
  • Good luck love!!!
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