my dad is staying with us but can't get rid of him!!!

Replies

• Vickymoo

  Oct 17, 2008 11:42AM

  Oh Michelle what a horrible situation to be in.
  
  Just sit him down and ask him how he's getting on finding a job and a place of his own. He can always rent so not knowing where he wants to live isn't really an excuse.
  
  If he says he's no where near that just tell him its important he starts looking becuase much as you love him and love seeing him, having so many people in the house is stressful especially when your pregnant.
  
  Tell him you'll even help him find another place and a job if need be but just stress how hard your finding it and it just isn't healthy for you to be stressed.
  
  I'm sure he'll understand hunni and if he doesn't, give him some of those pregnancy hormones! That's what their there for. That normally scares off my husband at least! ;\)
  
  xxxxxxx
  
  [Modified by: Vickyxxxx on October 17, 2008 04:44 PM]
  
  

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• chloe123

  Oct 17, 2008 11:45AM

  i didnt want to r&r but i have luckily never been in this situation so i dont know really? sorry! maybe if you try the straight to the point tactic and explain that you dont want to upset him but you know your pregnant and you and your family need the house back? i dont know, but i wish you luck girl xxxx

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• hayleys1

  Oct 17, 2008 3:11PM

  hi
  i have been in the exact same situation hun not so long ago. my mum and stepdad lived in spain for 3 years and then suddenly decided they wanted to come back. they asked to stop with me and i said no. we were in the process of redecorating the spare room Thomas the Tank and had bought a new single bed for my son to move into and the nursery to be freed up for baby no 2 due a week before xmas.
  i said no TWICE. i explained the reasons and my mum said she understood and would stay somewhere else but could they stay one night as they would be arriving late. fine i said you will have to be one in josephs bed and the other on the sofa cushions........that one night turned into 2 months. they bought an air bed.
  
  now me and hubby are not used to visitors even never mind lodgers. my mum is always helpful and cleans etc but its the invasion of space. they stayed when my son was born as they still lived abroad then and i really regret it now although they did say a few days and then would return home to let us have some family time they didnt leave for 2 weeks and me and hubby had no time before he had to go back to work. i really struggled with my son due to this and they returned when he was about 4 weeks old so again no family time. i have put my foot down this time and said no one is staying or even visiting late.
  
  anyhoo this time it got to the point where i was mega stressed out and wanted them to leave it was causing me to be ratty with hubby all the time and i was going to bed at 9pm to get some peace. i was crying all the time. my dad was going mental saying he wanted to tell them but i refused to let him. the best thing is i have 2 sisters with their own houses! i did say to my mum that she could go and stay with them but she refused basically my house is more comfy and we both work full time and they had ouse to selves etc. it got to the point where i was going to say something the next day and ask them to leave but luckily that day they got a go ahead with a flat and moved 2 weeks later.
  
  however my mum has said "oh we can have xmas day at yours again this year" i said no mum my baby is due on 20th i will either be ready to drop, in labour, or have a newborn! "oh its ok we will cook etc" no mum i dont want a house full of people thanks. "oh it will be fine we will leave at tea time" WE is her my stepdad my 2 sisters their partners and my 2 neices.
  
  i have now made plans to go to my hubbys mums i just havent told my mum yet! she will blame me and say her house is too small and my sis is not good enough etc. i dont want the hassle but unfortunately my mum cant see that.
  
  wow sorry for the essay ladies! i just know exactly how you feel. unfortunately you will have to sit him down and spell it out hun its the only way xxxx good luck xxx
  

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• millysmum_naomi

  Oct 17, 2008 5:03PM

  aaw michelle i know exactly how you're feeling! my dad came back from spain in MAY and i begrudgingly said he could stay til he sorted himself out and he just stayed and stayed and stayed! i was getting so resentful i could hardly speak to him- he is a lazy sod who mopes around all day feeling sorry for himself and just sat on the internet dating site rather than trying to find somewhere to live! he used to ignore my little girl- his own grandaughter! anyway one day it all got tooo much and i ended up going mad at him and screaming etc. he mumbled "ok i'll go" but he bloody didnt!
  anyway theres loads more to it but basically in the end i calmly had to say "dad, i cant have you here for much longer, i need my life back with my family, i'm 30 years old now and i dont want to be iving with either of my parents, you need to find somewhere to rent like normal people do" i gave him a deadline of 30 days (quite reasonable i thought after 4 months!) he eventually did go on the 30th day, he went round telling everyone i had thrown him out with no where to go and he was sleeping in his car! what a tw*t! he actually foud a poor unsuspecting woman off dating direct to move in with. grrrr
  so after this essay, my advice is, you have to tell him calmly that you need your home back for you and your family, and give him a date that he needs to be out by. you cant let it go on, otherwise it will cause probs for you and your partner. be strong!
  Naomi x

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• 7tob

  Oct 31, 2008 7:58AM

  Hi again,
  
  just dug this out and wanted to say thanks for your replies.
  
  Unfortunatly my dad is STILL here!!!! It will be 5 months come mid november and i just can't take it anymore. I'm taking it out on the kids, me and oh are getting ratty with each other, it's just horrible.
  
  I said to him yesterday, 'have you given it any more thought about applying for a council flat' and his reply was 'oh well i still don't know where i want to live yet bacause i don't want to live around here, i want to get the car on the road first' (which we have have paid for and helped him get)
  I can't wait for him to do that then decide where he wants to be and then get a job etc!!!
  It was my youngest sons 1st birthday on the 18th oct and it was spoilt because he (my dad) was in a mood in my living room watching the grand prix so knowone could go in there let alone make a noise and we had to confine ourselves to the dining room! He was even huffing and puffing when i was trying to put together the babys toys!
  Now he has been 'ill' for a couple of days so that has stopped him going out, then it snowed but he has his money today but has managed to get out to get that and do his shopping!!
  
  My partner lost his job end of august so as you can imagine it's a nightmare at the moment as it is and i just don't know where to go or to turn to. I go up to bed between 8/9pm just to get away and oh is getting p**sed off with me cos i won't have s.e.x with him partly because i'm pregnant and just don't want it but mainly because i don't want my dad hearing us because you can hear everything in my house!! lol
  
  sorry to ramble again but just had to let it all out xx

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• WoWbabies

  Oct 31, 2008 8:31AM

  awww sry to hear he's still there, maybe the only solution left is to be less tactful and considerate cos it seems that that isn't going to get u anywhere. tell him exactly as it is "look dad, as much as we've loved having u here u really need to start sorting something asap as with another baby on the way things will be too crowded and i'm sure u'll be happier to have ur own space anyway", if that fails then u may have to just be completely blunt with him and tell him u can't have him there any longer and give him a time limit to get himself out like a month or 6 weeks. and don't feel guilty, he is a grown man and u need to put urself and ur family first.
  
  sorry not any better ideas
  
  good luck
  
  xx
  
  

  

  
  
  
  

  

  
  

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